wife

Q: I have a queestion regarding the responsibility of my wife towards her father.

Her father remarried after my wifes mother passed away, while my wife was almost 15. His second wife (my wifes step mother) told her father to choose her or his daughter. So her father chose his second wife. And my wife left her fathers house and went to live with her aunt. Since the age of 15 till the age of almost 30. Her father did not contact her, and my wife managed on her own doing jobs and got her education from the university.

When her father got sick then he sought her out again and has been taking money from her since then. From the age of 15 till now her father has not supported her in any way. She had been supporting her father her ex husband and her three children single handedly. Since she is now married to me, i also send monthly money and she still does job.

Her father sold the family house, which was built jointly by my wifes mother and him But her father knowing her condition still did not care about it, and did not give her anything. Instead he bought a house in another city. which is far. He has been giving away the money which he takes from her regularly. I cannot state all the condition here because it will get long.

In short, her father is not shortage of money which he has. But instead of giving her, he just gives it away and also demands money from her and gives that away too. He is now demanding her to come to his city every month, knowing very well, she had children to take care off. He also demands from her to take divorce from me, because i work abroad.

I would like to emphasize his permission as wali was taken before marriage and he knew i would work abroad. I would like to ask can i forbid my wife not to give him any money and not to go to his city. Because my wife also acknowledges he has money. Her father has family in that city plus his wife.

Q: Its been years since I have been following you and it feels great to see the way you are serving in the way of Allah. May Allah Grant you more strength and make you flawless.

The time has come for me to seek personal guidance from you, that's the reason im here writing to you today. I'll try to get the clear picture of my story so that you can help me take my decisions. I'm 28 years old right now, I got into a relationship in June 2013 with this girl and the girl I got into relationship was already in a relationship but as she was my University mate and friend I naturally had a caring gesture towards her, she used to tell me at that time that she was not happy with that guy although she was in relationship with him for 7 years. Being aware of everything I cared for her and naturally fell in love with her and tried to help her get out of that relationship. I helped her getting out of that 7 year old relationship even I knew they were physically active for 7 years (they were frequently having sex for 7 years), but I had pure feelings for her and resisted everything for her love and I got engaged to her in Dec 2013, it was after a great struggle as her parents were aware of her previous 7 year relationship and was not willing to get her engaged that soon however we got married last year August 2016. (I'm trying to keep short as possible).

There are always ups and downs in every husband & wife relationship, I trusted her more than myself cause the gesture she showed since beginning made me trust her more, recently I clearly got to know that she again got into a relationship with this guy since June 2016 or may be earlier where she worked and is still working (we got married in August 2016) in the beginning I once noticed and told her that this guy is trying to approach you in a bad way so stay away from him but she still went on talking to this guy and they are in relationship till now, they are physically in contact since the begining (it's been almost 1.5 years) and they have spent time with each other in every possible way, they have spend time and had sex with each other before and after our marriage and my wife has expressed her feeling to this guy several times that she is not happy with me and want to leave me and they even planned how would it be done, and the guy has always supported her. I have always been noticing strange connection between my wife and this guy since months and when I used to ask her she always refused that she is not talking to him or she has no connection with him and I always trusted her and asked no further questions for the sake of respect.

Afterall I have come to know my wife has feelings for this man and at this point when last week I got to know everything she tells me that she has committed a great sin and has no feelings for him (she still has feelings for him that I know) but refuses in front of me so that I may not leave her, cause she knows the consequences she would face as we are connected to each other in so many different ways, it be family, professionally and friend circle too. (Because we were collegues at the University too).

My wife met this guy till last week and I know everything they did. I did istakhara to confirm my wife and this guy's relationship status. She has confessed in front of me getting sexually active and had intercourse with this guy and she still refuses that she has no feelings for this guy although I know she still has.

At this point i still have not left her caus I care for her and she's going mad these days because she know that I'll leave her, I can not bear this. I have doubts over my love cause she got into relationship with me leaving a 7 years old relationship telling me she was not happy and now she ended telling another guy that she is not happy with her husband (me) and wants to leave me making me think that she also had no issues with her 7 year old relationship and she only came to me on the basis of lust and desire.

Im in a very difficult position I have no clue and I have no reason left to trust her anymore I don't want to make things difficult for myself and for her anymore, I have started feeling sick since last week I have severe pain around my left chest, simple I can't bear it anymore.

Please help me getting out of this situation. I have started praying 5 times a day to seek Allah's guidance but I'm stuck with the dead mind and can't take a sensible decision. I don't want to live with her anymore i feel disrespected, betrayed and dead. Please help me over this issue, I'm unable to take decisions and need some guidance in the name of Allah.