Marital Issues

Q: Since my childhood me and my cousin liked eachother. It's been around 8 years that we are married to eachother and have 2 sons. During these 8 years she kept misbehaving with me and even kept abusing me often. I complained to her parents so many times to forbid her not to use slang words and not to abuse me but her parents never paid serious attention to my complains and always supported their daughter. I tried my best to make our married life happy but the situation did not change at all and even went worse day by day. During this time she kept asking me to divorce her on several occassions. Moreover she never respected my parents as well. The time kept passing with the same circumstances and I was completely faded up with the circumstances. Different people said that our couple is effected by black magic.

Few months ago, I fell in love with my office colleague. She was first my good friend and I shared my problems with her as a friend. At that time she was engaged with someone else. Suddenly her engagement was broken due to some family issues and then she asked me if I can marry her. I replied positively. But she put a condition that I will have to divorce my first wife before marry her. I replied positively without thinking anything. I fell in deep love with her and as the days passed she fell in love with me too. At that time I decided to divorce my first wife and then marry her. That girl continuously kept forcing me to divorce my first wife without wasting any more time. I kept trying to divorce her but something was stopping me to do so, may be because of my children and our parents and family. I wasn't getting any chance to divorce her. Finally I tried to divorce her but our parents and family members got involved in this matter and all came to know that I am doing this because I wanted to marry the other girl. According to Muftis the divorce which I issued to her was counted as a single divorce and I had 3 months to revive my marriage. Different Maulanas said that I was affected by black magic by a girl and that's why I am so desperate to divorce my first wife. Everyone in my family blammed me without understanding the problems of my married life which I have been facing for 8 years. I was so desperate to marry that girl and I found a way. I told that girl clearly that I will not divorce my first wife and wanted to marry her as well, she agreed as she was in deep love with me. So, I moved to UAE alone to find a job and finally I got a job and I came to Pakistan to marry that girl, thought that I would take her to UAE with me after marrying her and after some time I will let my parents know about my second marriage. I kept everything highly confidential. Only few of my friends know about it. I came to Pakistan for 4 days. Asked my friends to play a role as my elder brother and his wife and went to that girl's home for my marriage propsal. Me and that girl told her parents a lie that I was divorced, didn't tell anything that I am already married. I lied to her parents that my parents can't come for my marriage proposal as they were in Saudia and that's why my elder brother (who was actually my friend) and his wife have arrived for my marriage proposal. Next day, we arranged a small ceremony and did Nikah on 12th February, 2017 and I took her to UAE with me, keeping everything highly confidential. After few days my first wife came to know about my second marriage and she again started misbehaving with me, used slang language with me and insulted me. My parents still do not know about my second marriage till date and I do not know why but I can not dare to inform my parents about my second marriage. I do not want to divorce my first wife now and even do not want to leave my second wife, as I am happy with my second wife and she respects and cares about me alot. Now I am too much worried as my first wife is continuously asking me to divorce my second wife and my second wife has also asked me for few times to divorce my first wife. I do not want to divorce any of them, as if I leave either of them, their life will be spoiled and effected in a very bad way and on the other side my parents still do not know about anything whatever is going on and I can not dare to inform my parents. I am afraid of their reaction after knowing about my second marriage. My second marriage is based on a lie, as her family members except her mother do not know that I am already married and even they do not know that who went there for my marriage proposal were not my real brother and brother's wife.

Please guide me the best solution in the light of Islam and your best knowledge.

Q: I have a question related to my ordeal of two marriages.

Despite my utmost efforts, to be patient with my first wife, treating her nicely and with love. Her mood swings are getting more unbearable. On one hands she accepts my second marriage, to the point of telling me to send money on time to my second wife. And just when, I am getting relaxed to normally run our life, she takes a u-turn and starts demanding to divorce her.

Last night again she made a u-turn, and started demanding divorce for her. I was patient and trying to explain to her, that at this time you are not thinking straight, so relax and be patient, everything will be ok but she continued to be aggressive. Then I said to her, if you want it that way, then call your family, and whatever you want to say, say in front of them. But she said, she will not call anyone, she has Allah as a witness. I tried to explain to her, that this is not the right way, whatever she wants to say, she must call in her elders. But she kept refusing. Then I asked her, what do you want from me, you want me to divorce my second wife? She said it does not make any difference, even if I do, she cannot trust me anymore. I was still being patient, but she kept pushing me, and her tone was direspectful. So, before matters got out of my hand, I left the house for a few hours. She has done this before also, when I didnt have any second wife. And about 8 months ago, we had an argument and I was telling her again and again, not to continue this argument, but she persisted and the word "talaq" blurted out from mouth, which I wasnt even thinking about. After ten minutes I realized it, and went back to her and apologized and told her it came out extreme anger.

Now she is again referring to that, that you said talaq when we were alone, I told her, I was in extreme anger and not in my senses. But she said, that talaq is done in extreme anger and is not done when a person is within senses. Nevertheless, she demanded that I write down talaq to her and give it to her, which I declined, that I do not want to give talaq, she is demanding it, so I will not do anything, unless she brings in her elders. I also offered her, that when you see me, you feel pain. I will start doing overtime at my workplace, even work on sunday, so you do not have to see me more than you have to.

Then I said, you claim that you do not have the same feelings for me anymore, you have three beautiful children, take peace in them, and what will happen to them? They will get get dragged in the scenario you are creating? She said she will think about the children later and besides they will grow up to be like me, "bewafa" unfaithful. The kids want to be attached to her, its natural for the children to be attached to the mother, but the atmosphere she created, the children shun her, and they just wait for me to come home.

To make it short, I left home at that time, so the situation cools down, and came back when she was asleep. In the light of Islam and sharia, is my first wife's demands valid. I am being patient still, but how much?

Q: I got married on 5 feb 2017. From that day my mother and father in law are disrespecting and showing anger to me. I am a working woman. After office I do home chores and when they are sick I take care of them. But still they are not happy and always having small complaints.

On the other hand, my husband loves me alot. He makes me understand but doesnt tell his parents to cool down. We are happy together but I get angry on him sometimes. Kindly guide me as I'm sad and no peace in mind and heart.

Q: Recently I have performed my second marriage. I am already married before and I have two children with my first wife. Till yet I did not live with my second wife because we have performed only nikaah. But since my first wife came to know about my second marriage, she is keep asking me divorce and saying that she will take both children with her if I will not divorce my second wife, while my second wife always wants to live in peace and harmony with my first wife and gives her respect as elder sister (both wives never met each other yet). Can you please help me in this regard and advise me what should I do in this situation because I want to live with both wives and want to do justice between them and specially my second wife has converted herself as Ahle Hadith as I am also the same, her parents were hanafis, I really appreciate your kind advise or fatwa.

Q: I want to do second marriage... I like one lady and I asked my wifes permission many times but failed... She behaves abnormally and said that she will leave home with the kids and will never contact me etc. I want to get married since i like this lady and want to contact her in halaal way but in these conditions, I am so depressed. I never want to lose my first wife and on the other hand, I also dont want to lose my love. Sometimes I think about secret nikah and not declare it but I dont know what to do.

Q: I am 33 years old and have been married for 11 years, no children. My husband refuses to start a family with me saying, I can't force him to have a baby. Im afraid I'm getting too old. The longer we wait and the older I get, the more I resent him. He is distant and selfish, and lacks compassion and understanding. We have intercourse once every few months and he insists on using protection.

Q: I need some advice please, I'm Catholic and my husband is a Muslim. We have kids and I'm pregnant again (5months) and I work full time. He is not working but looking for something part time as I'm the bread winner due to my education. He keeps taunting me about how ugly and fat I am and how he wants a younger 2nd wife who is good looking and sorry to say better at sex as I'm a sack of potatoes. He will hold up a picture of a random girl and compare to me and say that's what his future wife will look like. It's so cruel I can't cope anymore.

Q: I have a few questions regarding my married life

1. If a wife cant do anything without the permission of her husband then whats the difference between a slave and a wife. If a wife cant have permission to study for a job or she is begging her husband to give her permission to see her father or relatives, however her husband is not living with his wife. He is working in another city and his wife is living with her in-laws. 

2. My husband is working in another city. He comes home once a month. I'm living with my in laws; my father in law, mother in-law, my two single brother in laws and two single sister in laws. Its been three years since my husband is working like this. We have two kids. Whenever I ask my husband to come stay with us forever, he says that he cant because this is his job and he cannot find another job there. He fights with me that I musnt tell him every time to leave his job coz if his rizq is there then till the time Allah has written his rizq there he can't come. Im very sad and cant live without my husband anymore. If I ask my husband to come and live with us is it permissible for me? I married to him to live like a family with him not alone.

Q: My husband is such a person who gets brain washed a lot. He was such a person that he used to listen to me but once people have started to say things such as you under your wife's control and mentioned another persons name and say you like him or becoming like him also people were jelous our marriage and may have casted an evil eye He has done things which are unreasonable such as fool around with Allah's deen and mention talaq but not give it. Situations are such that we do not live together and I wish for khula but before taking a big decision I was wondering if there is any wazifa amal which I could do which could make him ignore all the brainwashing and give priority to his wife and child and if black magic or nazar is done what do I do?

Q: In 1st March, I gave permission to abort the feotus of 10weeks old in my womb after my parents told me that, if I give birth to baby :if its a boy,he will be like his father and if its a daughter,my husband will rape her. They told me that I wont be able to keep them in my custody after baby becomes 5 year old.He will file suit asking the custody of baby and ruin the baby and so on. And they told me that nobody including my parents will support me if I give birth to baby if I divorsed.If I decide to live with him for avoiding abortion,then also my parents wont support me even if they came to know that Iam stuggling due to harrassment from him. Background for doing such crime : After nikkah(2015) ,he told me that he has some lady friends,they are so close that they say ''i love you''each other. And he also told that 1of his lady friends,they are so close that she told him to buy garments for her private parts telling him the size. I told him to break this friendship because no lady can reveal those to a guy.He told me that its she who contacts him through phonecall and social medias. So I asked her number and sent a message-we are married now. I dont like this friendship,so stop contacts.She replied swearing me. When I sent screenshot of this chat to my husband,he seemed to be very cool and told me that she is a good girl,she might not be in a good mood and so on. Then I told him that either stop relation with me or stop contacts with her forever.He promised that he wont contact her in his lifetime. But its a fake promise.After 8months of wedding,I went to UAE to live with him. Then I came to realise that the main job when he returned to room from workplace is to see,like and share her FB posts. He needed me only in bed. When I asked him that why you gave fake promise and continuing contacts with that lady,he acted like he died and few minutes later,he told me that he got heart attack and theirs was pure friendship and will maintain so until his death.I didnt doubt their friendship till I came to know from his old FB posts that they were lovers. I asked his close friend,he is my husband's best friend from childhood.He revealed the real character of my husband when I told him about his heart attack.He told me that 2ladies out of 3 were only for satisfying his physical desires(with 1,he married her in temple for convincing her that he is her husband and by that way,he used her for his vulgar desires.2nd lady,he used her for some years and he gave promise to bring her from her home before her wedding date with another guy.But he escaped by saying that he was bed ridden with severe fever just few days before her wedding. Now also she contacts him believing that its the fever which led to broke that divine love. But he madly loved that 3rd christian lady,her family didnt agree for their marriage when she told about him when her family comes with another proposal.They were like couples for 5years,only difference was its not legal.After that,she compelled him to marry someone and 2months later,our nikkah was solemnised.But now also my husband is telling me that they are good friends and I am unnecessarily doubting him. His family know his affairs with ladies,especially with that lady.At the time of proposal,my family and relatives heared about this relationship and asked him and his mother(his father passed away 2months before that),they told that its just friendship and nothing else.My father contacted her over phone and asked her,she told that they're just friends and she visited him in hospital when he was hospitalised in 2014 due to bike accident.Thats why rumours are spreading.She also told that her marriage is fixed.So no need to doubt about them. But its a lie.She was there in hospital with him day and night for 2days(Accident was happened when he eagerly went to see her,after cameback to India from abroad for leave). Nobody was there except both of them.she arrived hospital by travelling long distance to stay with him. He revealed this story 2weeks ago inorder to convince me that even in that favourable situation to commit zina,they were pure friends.And told me that they know how to control their desires and the only person he through he wanted,wants and wish to satisfy his desires, is with wife.I dont know how he can cheat me now also. He also told me that His mother went home because that lady came to take care of him for 2days. Now also he thinks that I dont know anything about his drama.He thinks that I only doubting him ''because of her posts that he liked and shared on facebook''.He doesnt know that his friend told me about my husband's cheating. His friend also told me this : My husband,before nikkah,promised his friend that he will stop all contacts with those ladies and will be a good and responsible husband. He also told his friend that he told me about his past life and I told him that I have no problem with that. All was a lie. That friend told me that his heart attack was a drama,he acted so in presence of that friend, before few days of wedding when there was a family problem. That friend told me to escape from my husband and go back to India. I know my father will consider me as a burden if I became divorcee.I was continuing isthiqara.I prayed for a miracle to happen so that he will change his bad character and will be a good muslim.But things are getting worse day by day.I shared whats happening there to a elder cousin brother whom can I rely.He told me to return to India and try to avoid from being pregnant by saying any excuses. But it was not possible to ignore my husband in bed because he spends most of the time in a day for that even when he know that I couldnt even go to urinary because of pain due to his repeating enjoyments. By the time, I became pregnant.Some of my family members came to knew about it.After knowing that I am pregnant,I didnt want to came India because i was afraid. But at the same time,husband started to behave in a rude manner and started to hurt me mentally. He told me that he misses his country and so wants to start farm business in his place and I need to help him in taking care of those animals and birds so that he can go so many places for smooth running of business.I told this to hus friend and my cousin.Both told me that its for continuing those haram relationships by fooling me. I continued isthiqara. I cameback to India in january 30 after taking decision that Insha Allah,i will take care of my baby as a mother and father and will try to make my baby a good muslim. But When i cameback,they are compelling me to abort the child. I denied and it continued for a month. {{I had agreed for marriage with this man was to escape from my father's torturing.I agreed for this marriage (after burying my wish of marrying a religious person who will allow me to wear niqab, teach me Quran and who will be a guide to my children.)(when i told about this wish,parents laughed at me and it was a period of mental harrassment and torturing.I cant reveal all those,may Allah forgive them and may Allah not give those situations to any daughters in the world. Only thing I would say,I dont want to be a prostitute that any strange guy in this world can tell,by calling over my father's phone ,all his sexual desires that he wants to do with me in very vulgar manner,when i will be with him and my father enjoying it by putting it in loudspeaker and after cutting call,he asks me like an innocent baby that ''was that guy talking to you about sex?.''. I knew from my mother that another guy called father and he also want to talk to me.So i was really afraid.After that,this person (my husband)called my father to propose me .I said yes because i dont want to be a joker,burden and a prostitute over phone.}}. I know that I cant blame anyone except me for this major sin of aborting because I have earned Allah's wrath by aborting the Amaanah which Allah granted to me. It was my duty to fulfill that obligation even when the entire world was against me. I am now thinking that I am worst than all the creatures in this world including those ladies and my husband because I earned Allah's wrath by standing against the Almighty.If it was Allah's decree that my husband abuse baby,who am I to stand against Allah's decree and if the baby was as a mercy to me from my Lord(i had believed so and now also believing so),i rejected all blessings and earned curse of Allah and beloved ones of Allah by doing this crime.My family told me to do so by saying that 1st you save your dunya and then Akhirah. After doing this,make thouba.Allah will accept. But I wasnt convinced of that.I couldnt say these fake excuses to myself knowing that I have to suffer for this,in dunya and hereafter((My father told my husband that we lost baby because i fell down in bathroom and bleeding started.)) Even after reading the words of Allah in Qur'an, I committed such a sin. I dont know how I agreed to that after 1month of refusing to abort by convincing my parents about Allah's prohibition and qabar.I also told them that nobody will be in qabar to support me and it will be burning with fire. Mother told that Allah will forgive if I obey parents.But even after knowing that its a lie and they are afraid that me and baby will be a burden for them,i told them that Allah will take my soul with my baby before giving birth if my husband will do such cruel things because Allah wont allow me to struggle in this trial.They told me that the things will happen the same way as they told,my husband will be so cruel to me and my baby. My father also added that why everything goes against you and why Allah is not accepting your duas even though you are doing salah,reading Quran and making dua in sujood. Then I was afraid whether things will be so as whenever they curse me,everything happens in my life will be as per their cursing words. I know my imaan is very weak,otherwise I couldnt have commit such crime. I dont know what to do.I was feared to live with my husband and i was struggling thinking that he was and is cheating me.But after abortion,I believe that my husband's cheating is nothing even if he continues this for long period,and those ladies who even after their marriage ,wish to commit zina with him are more good than me. I know my husband wont change his character if no miracle happens.Its difficult to change him through advise of scholars or counselling.He has no worry about death and akhirah. I am just feeling that I am worthless of wishing anything and worse than saithan itself because saithan once disobeyed to do prostration,but I agreed to cut into pieces an innocent feotus which was part of my own body,Allah had bestowed His mercy on me by giving me an opportunity to give birth to Allah's creature by growing it in my womb.Not everyone gets that blessing even after years of marriage.I dont know whether I will be able to give birth to children who become '''closest to Allah and Rasoolullah and among them who are saved from the torments of this dunya''', as I wished my babies would be so,even if their parents were not good enough. Pls give me an advise Sheikh and pls include me in Your duas.Pls ask forgiveness for me and to die as a mu'min and to make me among those who prostrate to Allah on Judgement day.