Q: I'm starting this by saying I am married (nikaah is done but I dont live with my husband yet). I didn't know that anal sex is haram and when I found out, I started avoiding it and my husband was disappointed with me. I know I did it for Allah but he doesn't want to understand me and as well as the fact. I had read online "if your husband demands for anal sex, you can go for divorce," but I spoke to my mom and she told me that you should be doing whatever your husband says and the sin is on him, so once again I had anal sex with him thinking about what my mother said. I don't know what is right.
Also, things between me and my husband are not going well at all and I had read that if the marriage is not consummated, a woman does not have to stay iddah after talaq or kul'a.
My final questions:
1. Should I avoid anal sex and let my husband be angry with me or should I let him do whatever he wants and let the sin come on him? (There will be no point in trying to explain to him that it is haraam because he never listens to me and doesn't want to listen to whatever I say)
2. Is my marriage consummated because of only anal sex? We both have never had normal sexual intercourse.
3. Should I be staying for iddah if in case I get divorced to him?
A:
1. Anal sex is haraam in Islam. You should sincerely repent to Allah Ta'ala for committing this major sin and make a firm resolve that you will never repeat this again.
Severe admonitions and warnings have been sounded in the Mubarak Ahaadith of Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) for the one who perpetrates such detestable sins. Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said "The one who has relations with his wife whilst she is in the state of haidh or has relations with her from the anal passage or he goes to a sorcerer then he has rejected that which has been revealed upon Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam). In another Hadith Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has said that the one who has relations with his wife from the anal passage, Allah Ta'ala will not look at him with the sight of mercy.
If your husband does not wish to change his ways despite being informed of his wrongs, then you should rather ask him to divorce you.
2. Yes
3. Iddat is compulsory upon you.
And Allah Ta'ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
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