Q: I am a 53 year old divorced female. My first cousin is 62 and he is recently divorced. We are both single, and are considering making Nikah. Because our families are very close, we are afraid that if we have a public Nikah, and the marriage subsequently does not work, this will cause immense stress on the entire family. Is it possible for us to do a non-public / secret Nikah for a while and then if all works out, we will then tell the family that we are married.
A: Performing a secret nikaah is against the teachings of Islam and sunnah of Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam). The purpose of the institution of nikaah in Islam is that the spouses lead a life of purity, chastity and righteousness while fulfilling the rights they owe each other as well as the rights they owe to Allah Ta'ala.
In the case of a secret nikaah, the spouses will not be able to lead a normal life, thereby being able to fulfill the objectives of nikaah and the marital responsibilities they owe each other in the manner prescribed by shariah. The reason is that all the time, they both will be trying to keep the nikaah undercover and they will be hoping not to be seen in public together. In the case where the family or other people see the man frequenting the house of the woman who is not known to be his wife, then doubts and suspicions will be created in their minds.
Apart from this, leading this type of abnormal life will not enable the spouses to have children which is one of the main objectives of nikaah, as people will consider this child to be an illegitimate child born out of wedlock. In the case where any spouse passes away, then since the family and people were not aware of the nikaah, they will not wind and distribute the estate according to the laws of shariah as they did not regard the man and woman to be married to each other.
Hence, on account of the many complications this type of secret nikaah leads to and on account of this going against the very spirit of deen, this type of secret nikaah is totally discouraged in shariah. If the man and woman wish to marry, then they should inform the family of their intention and publicize the nikaah.
And Allah Ta'ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
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