respect for parents

Q: In which condition we can disobey our parents? 

Q: I have an issue which is causing me a lot of distress and sadness. I recently have got in touch with my biological father who I have not known for 25 years because my step father has been trying to stop me from finding out about my real dad. Now I speak to my father regularly on the phone as he lives abroad. However my step mother tells my real dad to cut the calls of early, she tries to keep him away from me and does not want me to have a relationship with. As she does not have any of her own children and is feeling insecure. I do understand this but I feel stressed because I feel she is going to take my dad away from me. I have voiced my concerns to my dad but he has assurred me that she is not going to be a problem. She even told me 4 times to not focus on my dad and that I should focus on my stepfather. I just dont know what to do and I feel my emotions get the better of me. I try to make an effort with her but she wants to keep my dad away. My step father does not want anything to do with me if I see my real dad. I'm confused why should I have to satisfy my step parents. I want a relationship with my dad. Am I not allowed that. How do I deal with this? I just want to get to know my dad without them causing problems.

Q: I am a 32 year old unmarried Muslim girl living with my parents. My mother recently told me that my father wants to adopt a son so that there is someone to look after him when he gets old. She says that they think if I ever get married my husband wont allow me to look after them in their old age.

This comment really hurt me because I try very hard to be a good and dutifull daughter and I do my best to help them with their work as much as possible. I have been crying ever since I heard this and I cant stop crying - I cant help the fact that I am not a boy and my father would have preferred a son.

My question is, will there be any reckoning in the hereafter for my parents making such comments? I know that Islam emphasises the importance of parents but what does it say about how parents should act towards their children, even if they are daughters? Will Allah ever question them for saying such things?

Q: My son spent the weekend with us. When he was leaving, he was was rushing so I asked him if he was rushing for an appointment. He said he is taking his wife to the gynae. I asked if she was expecting and he replied No. That night he phoned to say that his daughter wanted to speak to me. Excitedly, she told me that her mummy was having another baby. I phoned my son the next day to ask him if his wife was expecting. To my surprise, he got upset and told me to stop probing. I told him that I am his mother and I will only make dua for him. He spoke to me very harshly and began arguing with me saying that by me asking him questions, his wife is having issues with him. His wife is a very controlling person and my son cannot do anything without her permission.I told my son that I will forward this issue to a mufti as he feels he is right and I am wrong . Kindly give me a solution as to what to do. I am really grieved at my son’s behavior. Jazaka Allah

Q: I am a divorcee but I gathered my strength to marry again without asking opinion of my parents but they were there for my marriage and became wakil also but this marriage did not last long. Allah knows best even though I looked for deen in the partner but my main problem is my parents abusing me calling me a person of low character because according to them a divorcee shouldn't marry. I work for my livelihood I go out of the house even though I haven't committed any affairs my parents are accusing me of such things and cursing me. This has upset me they attribute bad things happening in my life that I have committed sins and it is wrath of Allah on me. I don't know how to deal with my parents because Allah has ordered for respecting and being dutiful them I want to ask have parents got the right to abuse and curse their children without any proof accuse of sins.

Q: I have an 83 year old mother... She is terribly anti Deen and this infuriates me so I raise my voice to her and just today I said to her even though she is my mother "an enemy of Allah Ta'ala is an enemy of mine". She speaks the most despicable things about Deen and I dont know how to manage the situation anymore. We do read our Salaat and do all thats required of us as Muslims and its as if she waits for me to stand on my musalla then she performs even more by walking about the house screaming for me. Please advise.

Q: My father is doing milk business. He does adulteration in milk by adding water. I tried to stop him in a calm manner but he kept on doing adulteration and now I fought with him and started yelling to him regarding this wrong act. Am I doing wrong because I tried the other way but he doesn't listen. What should I do? Islam says don't raise voice against your parents but what if they are doing wrong?