Nafaqah (Financial support)

Q: I am married and have 3 kids. I am the eldest in my family. My mother, one married and one unmarried brother lives with me in my house becasue my father passed away 9 years ago and my family moved in with me after that. Now both brothers are working as well. The relationship between my wife and mother is not good and it is going from bad to worse even after some reconsiliation and guiding. Both of them regard want their rights in Islam.

My wife is now demanding a separate accomodation and requesting me to ask my family to get a separate house because the house in which we are living is owned by her. I humbly request my brothers and mother but they all get annoyed and my mother gets very rude and very disappointed. I request them all to get accomodation near my house as they can afford it or I will support them in any way possible. I told my mother that I still love her and she is my first love. I respect her and I made this decision because of  my love for her. Did I do the right thing or did I disrespect my mother? 

Q: My husband believes that because I’m from Europe, not an Arab and a Muslim convert I should be working. We moved to Europe recently from the Middle East and my husband told me “survive by yourself”, meaning he would not pay any longer for my extras like clothes, cosmetics, books, etc. It hurt me deeply and since then I never asked him for anything. He said sorry but after that I’m not able to accept any money from him and I refused anything he wishes to buy for me. I answer by “God bless you for offering but no thank you”. I really feel terrible to accept anything from him and at the same time I do not work which makes me feel sad.

Q: I have been living with my in laws over a year now and been having some problems with my in laws which I feel is affecting me and my husbands relationship. My mother in law does not like it when I go out with my mom or if I visit my aunts. I feel that she is controlling me. I asked my husband if we can move and he said no but I feel that if I stay any longer, problems will only get bigger.

Q: My question is regarding an illegitimate child. My ex husband and I had a child out of wedlock. I was not a Muslim but he was. Before my son was born I embraced Islam. (I was single and not married) Four months after the birth of our son we made nikah. My ex husband has been supporting us as I'm a housewife and we had another child as well. Now that we got divorced my ex husband said that he will no longer pay anything towards the "illegitimate" child. The child carries his name and surname. We were married for almost 8 years. He's also not supporting me financially during my iddat time.

Q: Can I accept to take some of my wifes savings to bear all the visa expenses including residense, rent, etc. this year? I am married since 2 years. Me and my wife do job. She is a teacher in homeland. While I work abroad (middle east). I give pocket money to my wife every month, as well as food expense separately to my joint family. I get one month leave to visit my family in a year. Two times I brought my wife on visit visa in two years. This year I have plan to save some money and to buy some property in my homeland in future, hence not to invite my wife this time, but she agreed to pay all expenses on her own, which I didn't agree. As I don't feel comfortable to get any of her earnings, because of her talking many times that she strongly feels that, her earning is totally for her. On the other hand she taunts me many times that I don't save enough money to get some property. What should I do?

Q: Is it necessary for the husband to give his wife an allowance?

Q: I am currently working for my father whereby I am in a secluded office doing his book work. For this I earn a wage. My husband also earns a reasonable wage and my question is:

1. Should I, as the wife, pay for household necessities and groceries or is it the duty of my husband? Please bear in mind that my husband and I are newly married and I have not had the confidence to bring up money matters with him as yet.

2. How do I go about discussing this with him in a sensible manner?

Q: Regarding the child support grant: Does it have to be given or utilised for the child or can it be used on other expenses? The grant is issued to the primary care giver/mother of the child.

Q: Currently my husband and I are separated after domestic violence and assault. I did leave myself after the physical abuse. I have now requested a faskh-e-nikah from Jamiatul Ulema. I have a 3 year old daughter.

1. I understand after the divorce, that shariah gives me custody until age 9/10 provided I do not remarry. What would be a fair amount of visitation/sleep over, with her best interest in mind in accordance with shariah for my husband with regard to our daughter considering her best interest with regard to her age and that I'm staying 400km from his home.

2. When we got married my husband agreed on giving me an allowance each month. Over the last several months he stopped giving me this allowance and he said he's saving it for me. Now he refuses to give me the R55000 that I had saved with him prior to the seperation.

a. Am I entitled to this money?

b. In the 5 month separation and iddah period that will inshallah soon follow, am I entitled to receive this allowance? He has not paid any maintenance in this separation period so far except for paying my medical aid.

3. He refuses to return my jewellery that was given to me from him and his family on engagement and nikah. He says it will stay with my daughter because it has to remain in the family. He also refuses to return any clothing or any other items (laptop etc) he purchased for me and that I purchased with my allowance over the 5 years. Is he allowed to refuse returning of my things even though I have taken ownership of theses things.

Q: My husband ran away from home and he didn't say anything. He just left me and its already 5 weeks. He didn't give me any spending money nor anything else. So what should I do?