Advice

Living separately from in-laws

Q: Before my husband and I made nikaah, we discussed financial issues like whether I would need to work, if we would be a 2 income household, the rental and expenses we would need to pay, etc. He told me confidently that I can work if I wanted to although not necessary. (I work for my father in a secluded office) and that he would give me money for the household expenses such as fuel, groceries, etc. He also told me that we would be living in a flat that his parents owned and that there would be no need to pay rental.

A week before the nikaah, his parents had told him that the flat did not belong to them and that we must move into a flat and pay a ridiculous amount of rental for it in a complex that they also live in. My parents in law are very well off alhumdulillah, my husband has 2 sisters, both of which are married and both of which dont pay any rental and in fact live in luxury homes provided by his parents. Their families live off from my father in law. I am not comparing myself to them because I feel that we both need to work hard for what we earn. 

Recently I fell pregnant. I had to cut down on my job owing to complications. There was a rental increase and therefore I get no money from my husband to cover household expenses. We decided to speak to my parents in law regarding this and they forbade us from moving away into a cheaper rental flat as they hinted at the fact that we are ungrateful (even though we dont take money from them) and that it is my husbands duty to look after them.

I will never question our duty to our parents, no amount of what we do will ever be enough for them. However, does duty only fall upon the son or is it all the siblings responsibility? Do we have the right to move out as it is hurting our relationship by creating a conflict between us as husband and wife? Please keep in mind that his mother asks our front guard when I enter and leave my house, her maid sometimes enters my house when I'm not there, she stores all her unwanted goods in my garage and doesn't treat me very well and sometimes has nasty things to say to me and this makes me very bitter towards my husband as well. What can I do moving forward?

Daughter supporting her parents

Q: A daughter does not feel like respecting her parents due to their irresponsible nature. I am very sorry for the long email but I really need to know. If a father doesn't give enough money for his wife and children to live, to study, for marriage, etc. and they have to beg by their relatives, will the father be sinful?

If the same father and his wife don't want to get their son married because they think that they may get poor, because their son doesn't have any income but the son is involved in a haraam relationship, in this case, will the parents be sinful?

The sister of that son is trying hard to arrange for her brother's marriage, but their parents are not helping at all. Their mother is not interested anymore. That son is too lazy to do any work but his mother always supports all his negative activities from childhood. If the sister protests, mother becomes very angry with her.

The sister is giving huge amounts of money to her parents. The parents have no home, so she bought a home for them from her husband's money. That's why her husband is mostly rude to her. She was helpless, and it was necessity to buy a home for her parents. Her parents always want money from their daughter but her husband doesn't want to give any more money.

In this case, what is the solution? Should she respect and support her mother even if her mother is not following any Islamic instructions? 

Cutting off ties with one's daughter who lives as a non-Muslim

Q: My daughter left our home 4 years ago to live with her father who is a murtad. This was done without my knowledge or consent. Subsequently the step mother had been raising her and introduced her to a Christisian lifestyle. We tried to prevent this and get her to move back home where we are Muslim. The law enforcement informed me that I would be charged with kidnapping if I was to remove her from their house as she was already 18 years old.

Throughout these 4 years she has lived the life of a Christian and has tattoos on her body. I have chosen to not be in contact with her as she refused to change her ways as she was raised in a Muslim household. I have 3 younger children and feel that my attention should be with them.

Recently I was informed that she had fallen pregnant by a Christian guy who she lives with and subsequently the baby has died.

My family are now blaming me even though I've tried my outmost to make her understand that the lifestyle and choices she made is against our religion. Certain family members are going behind my back to support her even though they know she is living as a Christian.

Can I have advice on this matter as my other kids are suffering because of all the stress this child has brought to my family.

Second wife wants husband to divorce the first wife

Q: I started loving a lady in 2009. Thereafter I proposed to her and she said that her family did not allow her to get married.

In short, I got married to someone else in 2013 December and went for umra after 4 days. When I came back on 01 January 2014, the lady I loved before I got married was crying and telling me that I ruined her life. So I decided to marry her on 06 January 2014.

Her father, mother and family were not aware and we were having husband wife relations but we were not living together. She was living in her own home and I was in my own home with first wife.

In the meanwhile, this second wife which started forcing me to divorce my first wife but I kept on delaying it.

Now I have 3 children and she is still forcing me to divorce my first wife. She is fighting with me day and night and also insulting me in front of people by abusing me etc.

I am stuck in a situation as I love my first wife and we have 3 children together. What should I do? 

Divorcing one's wife due to being unable to satisfy her

Q: I am a 33 year old married man. I am really confused regarding my problem. I love my wife but I am not able to please her and give her a happy life.

Its been 3 years since our marriage. She was married to me with a lot of expectations to have a beautiful married life. After many treatments, my problem is still not solved. I am not able to satisfy my wife sexualy. I have premature ejaculation.

Moreover I have nil sperm count due to that she is not getting pregnant. The doctor said that I dont have the ability to make a woman pregnant. We can only try IVF.

We tried to perform by giving her oral pleasure and forplay and after she finish, I thurst. Its always makes our relationship more complicated.

I want to make her happy but if I am still like this she would never be. I feel that it would be better to divorce her so that inshallah she can get married to another man and have a better life.

Should I divorce her or should we keep living with the same issues?

Stressing before an interview

Q: I feel like I am in a great trouble because I have to face an interview just after 1 month. I can't remember things, I forget things. My mind is not focused at all. I am worried weather I will be able to answer the questions of the interviewer or not.

Please help me in the light of Islam. What should I do?

Concern for non-Muslim daughter

Q: I was a Hindu and have two daughters. After the death of my husband, I married a Muslim man. My younger daughter and I accepted Islam. My elder daughter is now eighteen years old and has not accepted Islam. My husband and elder daughter do not have a healthy relationship as a father and daughter. She never wants to talk about changing religion. She wears T-shirts and jeans outside the home and tops and pyjamas at home which my husband doesn't like. I feel helpless in all this and get too stressed.

1. I want to know if she doesn't accept Islam, will me and my husband be sinful?

2. Will we be sinful if she wears such clothes although she never wears sleeveless or other vulgar dresses?