Advice

Q: My wife has gone to Pakistan with our 1 year old boy. She has been sleeping with her 17 year old nephew who she claims is like her son. She used to bath him when he was young. I told her that I don't like it. I even told her sisters that I don't like it and I told my wife to stay away from him but she does not listen.

I was talking to her last week and she was laying down on the bed and her nephew came over and lied down on top of her. She laughed at me and said that she was busy and hung up the phone. When we spoke again, she refused to even speak to me about him.

She says that they have a very special relationship that I would not understand. Her sisters know about this and said that I am the one who is wrong and it's normal for them to do this as they love each other because she has bought him up from the time he was 1 year old.

Q: Is it permissible to say out loud words of kufr and shirk when you are teaching someone to not say them? For example can you say "You should not say things like I am a Kaafir even jokingly" to someone to teach them? Or say "It is not right to say Merry Christmas"? 

Q: I suffered a lot in my marriage since a few days after getting married and I am suffering till now. I am asking for divorce since then. This 9 years of marriage is a disaster. I couldn't sleep at night most of the times. He abused me a lot. He made me feel ugly most of my married life. He called me a loser, made me feel unwanted. He is too much attracted to other girls. He used to keep random girls pictures on his phone and many other incidents which I can not describe in few words. But I thought that asking for divorce is not the solution and I tried to mend it and subhanAllah many things actually got changed. But even after trying to mend this relationship, I don't think it is working.

I thought everything was fine but I think he likes a jealous wife, he tries to make me jealous by telling me about how he was attracted to a certain girl or how many hoors he is going to get etc.

Also he plays mind games which again I can not describe in few words. When he ignores me I become so paranoid and from past experiences I was ugly to him, I became doubtful and I was checking his phone in his presence and I found out he commented a girl "pretty". I don't know if he deleted other messages or not but my past experiences says that he did because he used to do that.

Him getting attracted to other women is not the only problem, he demeans me on such little things that I dont feel confident and even speaking to him is difficult. I feel very inferior. He barely listens to me when I am speaking to him. He makes fun even on serious matters such as -I told him once that my friend got raped and he made fun of that! He used to use dirty slangs for such little things and behave very badly. He is not concerned about my security. Maybe now he is changed in this security issue after telling him so many things. I don't know. He is too much into his beauty and very self obsessed like a girl and likes to show off a lot.

I became more practising in deen and this has also become a issue of course, our mentality differs more now. In respect of purdah I won't get any support from him. Even when I pray he becomes irritated that I am taking so much time and keeps telling me during my prayer. Even when I got upset after reading his comment "pretty " he is not as concerned, even after hearing this I am thinking of divorce.

Believe me there are so many other serious issues which I am not mentioning here. After so many years of mental torture now I have no will left in me to mend this relationship. No hope no expectations from this relationship. After having children it will be more difficult to leave him and I don't want to be in pain and give my loved ones pain also. Even though after all this I have affection for him left in me but I can not really continue and don't think I have that much sabr. I even tried to be normal with him in these few days but it seems impossible, even my faith in Allah is also becoming weak.I was always depressed but now I am also very tired.

I know you told me that women have no right to issue divorce but I don't think islam is so cruel that I will have to forcefully live in this situation and I think these are enough reasons to get seperated. I also have thoughts of taking my life, I have become that much hopeless. In this situation do you still think I should try? Is there really no exit to this?

Q: I am doing research for a Madrasah assignment and would like to know:

1. What is the status of adolescence in Islam?

2. What is the Islamic law regarding adolescence and dealing with the opposite gender?

3. What advice should be given to adolescents?

Q: My husband had built a house for us and now my husband is abroad so I'm at my mother's place. My sister in law also has her own house and she had an idea of demolishing her own house and re making the house again. She is well wealthy also. After she demolished her house, my husband told her that she can come and live in our own house. So now my sister in law, her husband, her 2 children, my mother in law, my father in law, and my other sister in law and her husband and her 4 children are living there.

My second sister in law also has her own house. But she also is now living in my house with her children and her husband. Now there are so many people living in my house and all of them are my in laws and their children.

Before they came to my home, my home was clean and good looking. Now they have made my home totally untidy and all their clothes are everywhere. All the things of my home are messed up and they have changed everything as they wish. Some items are missing in my home. Even the bathrooms have become stinky.

When I go home, I hate how dirty it is and they all ignore me. They forgot that it is my home. My husband says that his sister and his whole family have full right to change everything in my home. He says that his family have more over my home than me. My questions are:

1. Can they live in my home when me and my husband are not there?

2. Do they have permission to change everything in my home as they wish?

3. Many items are missing in my home after they came, can they do like that?

3. Can they enjoy their lives while destroying my home?

4. If my husband built a house from his own money, who are the real owners of that property?

Q: Could you please explain me this as these doubts making me sleepless and make me always think. Praise be to Allah.

It was narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) that women will form the majority of the people of Hell. It was narrated from ‘Imran ibn Husayn that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “I looked into Paradise and I saw that the majority of its people were the poor. And I looked into Hell and I saw that the majority of its people are women.”(Narrated by al-Bukhari, 3241; Muslim, 273)

With regard to the reason for this, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was asked about it and he explained the reason.It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “I was shown Hell and I have never seen anything more terrifying than it. And I sa.w that the majority of its people are women.” They said, “Why, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Because of their ingratitude (kufr).” It was said, “Are they ungrateful to Allah?” He said, “They are ungrateful to their companions (husbands) and ungrateful for good treatment. If you are kind to one of them for a lifetime then she sees one (undesirable) thing in you, she will say, ‘I have never had anything good from you.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhari, 1052)

My question is if women have this habit ofbeing ungrateful or not obeying husbands then it may be a nature of womem its like Allah has created them that way cause its not about few women but many so how can Allah punish them for creating them like that.

Secondly, I think why should a wife obey her husband if they need obeidience why not wives even wife should be obeyed like if a wife wanna do something wrong if husband can stop why not wife if she don’t have that authority then don’t you think its waste to stop them as they however wont listen as Allah didn’t ask them to obey their Wife really is that what islam teaches I don’t wanna be a slave of my husband if husband deserve obeidience respect even a wife deserves I wanna know why women has to face such injustice

(Narrated by Muslim, 885) Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet said, “If I were to order anyone to prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered a woman to prostrate herself before her husband.” [At-Tirmidhi] prostrate do you know why we prostrate to Allah coz he is our master and we are his slave and here am I a slave of my husband to prostrate in front of him do we have such low status that Allah has given no one except god deserves prostration and if husband deserves why not women why not our parents who sacrifice everything for their kids every person on earth can leave us but our parents will never so why not to them

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3065; Muslim, 1436) is wife a sex toy to please him whenever hewants is it not her wish to do anything and why is it that sex is only husbands right why not wives right don’t they have those feelings they too have even they should have that right even it should obligatory for men if she calls and man refuses he too should be punished Rasulullah said: "The woman who dies in the state of her husband being pleased with her will enter Jannah ." Really if he don’t get pleased even if we die for him then still ill go to hell just cause he was not happy and am I born only for him to please him to obey and all that what ever islam teaches and why not men why its not written anywhere if wife is pleased men will get jannah why cant they be pleased or they don’t deserve to be pleased Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi) said: "0 women! Remember, those who are pious and upright amongst you they will enter Jannah before the pious men. These women will then be bathed, perfumed, and presented to their husbands on red and yellow mounts. They will have such children with them who will resemble scattered pearls."

Presented are we models to be presented before them to use us right and what will be presented to us nothing Rasulullah said: "The best of women is one that pleases her husband when he glances at her; obeys him when he commands her not oppose him and displease him in matters regarding her body and wealth . Is that her fault is she a model to always be ready for him to use her the way he want don’t she deserves to be happy when he come home from work tired and all sweaty will she complain he is not goodlooking now Im not happy cause im not pleased looking at him no right then why is this with women And who don’t obey I don’t know what is this with word obey if I should why Cant he and do not oppose really we both are Different we both have different mindset different opinion still I cant oppose him why coz im a wife he can displease me but I cant right if he deserves to be pleased why not we

And the last question all these aree worldly things even in Akhirah men are going to get hoor what about us nothing actually we are going to be presented to them as toys right don’t we deserve something not even in world not even in akhirah

Am I a feminist as I have read the definition of feminist the girl who fights for their rights are known as feminist am I the one for questioning all about my rights I know men and women are different I agree with so many differences like a girl cant give adhan a girl cant be imaam I agree with all this but husband wife they are better half they are partners but still such low status if I have such low status in islam I may end up leaving islam which I don’t want to.

Q: What’s the ruling on a man who tells the sins and secrets of a wife and who doesn’t protect her or defend her when others backbite her? He also backbites her and airs his grievances to anyone who will listen which in turn has caused people to dislike the sister? What advice do give to a sister in that situation ?

Q: I hope that you are able to give me some advice in regards to some issues I am having.

I recently had my nikkah in November 2017 and my wedding is due in April 2018. Me and my husband have been spending time together and before marriage he was lovely and caring but I knew he had a slight temper issue but he hardly displayed it to me. Recently he has been getting angry over every little thing, when I ask him to visit me as I miss him he gets frustrated because he has no time and no money to take me out but all I ask is just for him to spend a day or even an hour at my house.

Another situation that has escalated the last few days was that my brother in law as a (joke) slapped me on my face and pushed me in front of 4 other non mahrams and I shouted at him saying that wasnt appropriate and he felt offended by that. I told my husband what happened and he was very angry and told me not to say anything further. I later realised that my sister and my brother in law and a few other family members were talking ill of me because I had shouted at him. I told my husband this and that angered him but he was almost putting the blame on me but not directly. I seeked guidance in Allah and I found that I wanted to apologise to my sister and her husband for shouting at him out of goodwill. When I told my husband that was what I wanted to do he was completely against me and started swearing at my entire family to me. I was very upset but didnt respond back to anything he was saying and waited till the next day so that he was calmer. We spoke and I addressed the issue and said I didnt like that he was swearing towards my family and he said he didnt care and that my family have caused him enough stress which is why he has a right to say all that about them. I tried to reason with him but he just kept saying he needs a break from me and doesnt want to talk to me and he is unhappy with me.

Im devastated that my husband doesnt understand me, this is not the first time he has had a (break) from me... please tell me what I should do as I feel helpless.

Q: I can't wake up for Fajr. I tried a lot but had missed it many times. Astaghfirulallah. Kindly give me some Dua or (amal) to wake up.

Q: My mom came out of being a munafiq many years ago. Many of my relatives are munafiqun and some are worshippers of snakes, jinns etc. My mom always reads Qur'an ruqya, muawwidatein and tasbih to protect ourselves from them. I sometimes feat that she may become mad by making so much tasbih and azkaar. But my fear that she becomes a munafiq again is more. Sometimes a person comes near our home, even if my mom is sleeping, she gets up and opens the door to see who is outside then she sees a munifiq man smiling.