Advice

Q: I am a professional and have been working as an employee for the past 12 years. I have never found any happiness or peace of mind in the work that I do. It has always been the one negative aspect of an otherwise blessed life. I now strongly feel that I should leave my profession and rather work for myself in what ever capacity, business etc as I have no faith in the "cycical" and "fake" professional world with people being a slave to money and profit. I believe that although a financial risk it will bring me peace and make me a better Muslim. Please advise on the preferred course of action.

Q: I need guidance on my marriage which I am not sure if nikah is still valid or not. May Allah Ta'ala grant you full Jaza khair for your help in deen to the ummah Ameen.

My marriage started 8 years ago where I wanted to lead a life keeping Allah Ta'ala and His pleasure as my priority. Faced a lot of problems from in law's side from start of the marriage till now. I live in London and follow an Islamic attire whilst the family I married was from sub continent where modern clothes of today's times are preferred. The short and long of it is that my wife (or ex wife as I don't know) has said 'kufriya kalimat' like she doesn't believe in shariat or she will not follow what is in Islam because it doesn't sit with today's times or even at a point she said leave matters to me I will deal with Allah Ta'ala when it comes to it don't tell me what is right in deen and what is wrong etc. She also has been to sooth sayers and fortune tellers seeking knowledge of future and continuing to do it.

Secondly, she used to wear niqab. She started doing that after many weeks of targheeb and taleem. Her sisters had managed to persuade her not to live like a molvi! We had arguments and she expressed her anger towards the deen and said she wanted to remove niqab because in London we should be integrating into the society. Kids are growing and they ask me questions why do I wear the face cover etc. Despite me educating her and kids she remained adamant to remove niqab. I said to her once that if you do remove niqab I.e. live a life without niqab the you are free from me meaning she is not going to remain my wife. She has now started to live without niqab and continue to do so. My question here is also that is our nikah now invalid and due to her continuing to be without niqab and breaking of my condition. The 'kufriya kalimat' which she has uttered and continues to believe in her ways, where would this whole marriage stands.

Also to add, I have felt the lack of barakah in life, in rizq and work in fact in the entire life dealings going downhill when I am with her and when I am away from her with a life of zikar, tilawat of Quran, tahajjud etc with taufiq if Allah Ta'ala, life feels back on track and help of Allah Ta'ala becomes feel able. Also to add that previously I had given one talaq and then had ruju'a to resume marriage. There also has been one occasion when our son was only one and she wanted to leave the house forever due to not liking the lifestyle where I had said that if you step outside this house then this marriage is null and void and you would be free to go. Things had calmed down later that day but indeed she had to leave the house and go out for various reasons. Would that also have triggered the talaq? I am not living with her anymore due to serious issues becoming unsolvable. She wants to live a liberal life and I cannot go against the commands of Allah Ta'ala. I apologise for a any inconvenience due to my email or writing style. Can I seek a clarification that is this nikah or marriage still intact or there is nothing there anymore. We are now living our own lives. I still see the kids and have been treating their mother as my non mahram.

Q: I want to know if I make an intention in my mind to do something and I didn't do it, is it wrong? If I make an intention that I will give this dress in sadaqa to someone and I changed my mind, is it wrong? If I want to give a person a gift and I made an intention then I didn't give it, is it wrong?

Q: In the event a man has two wives and not wanting them to have jealousy and fights, he puts a code on his phone not allowing his wives to access his cell phone to see his calls, messages or photos. Would this be acceptable Islamicly even though the wife insists on looking into the phone and becoming angry for days on end?

Q: I am married for 18 years and have two children aged 16 and 14. My husband was a wonderful jolly loving person. He faced many business stresses and traumas like robbery and assault. The last 5 years has been a roller coaster living with him. The psychiatrist said he has bipolar schizophrenia with lots of paranoia and hallucinations. He refuses to take the antipsychotic meds ability and is making our home environment hell. If you look at him he looks like a good moulana. White kurta and mashaallah beard. He is always moody sulky and paranoid. He only makes salaam to me and thats it. Please advise how do I live with this silent treatment for years and the pain of emotional abuse. I am sad heartbroken and emotionally drained. I am staying for the sake of my children.. is there any support in Pretoria for women who are being tortured by selfish husbands like mine. His illness has robbed my of my happiness. Please help me understand why he does not want to take meds to get better.

Q: I want to have a baby and my husband does not want. We are both in our 40s and he says he is too old. I have tried talking to him but he doesn't want to listen. Iasked him maybe we can go see a Moulana and get some counselling but he says no. Is there anything else I can do?

Q: I need advice please. I'm going through a very tough time in my marriage. Its only been 3 years and I can no longer do this anymore. Please advice me whether I'm in the wrong or do I have the right to let this end please.

Its totally unacceptable for my husband to treat me this way. What kind man tells his wife dress up like a white women and behave like them. He pressurizes me to wear tight clothing and low tops to show cleavage. When I say no he swears me and tells me I'm old and boring yet I dress up in my home for him.

He searches other women on the internet, he looks around from head to toe at all those women that wear totally revealing clothes and still tells my parents I'm insecure!

His been on an escort site. I haven't even mentioned it to my parents because my mother seems to be on his side. He so fast to message my mother telling her how I'm behaving with regards to other women and how insecure I am. And all she says is when I find a job I'll understand and be more open minded. How is that being open minded? I can't be in this marriage anymore. The amount of things he does made me loose respect of him and makes me lash out at him. Is there any proof that says paying mehr money makes me his prostitute? I give up.

I have no one to rely on. I can't seem to speak to my mother about this because she listens and does nothing about it. Therefore my husband laughs at me telling me my parents don't speak up because they afraid his going to divorce me and then I'm their burden again. He keeps doing this and tells me sweep it under the carpet, its the past. So everytime he messes up I must forgive and just let it go? What's the point of marriage then if he says his allowed to do whatever he wills and I have no right whatsoever to complain.

Every single time he says I must let him look around and if he does I must be quiet I mustn't open my mouth. He says we young we must enjoy life we will be more happier if I just don't bother. Is he right? Please advise me on what I need to do.

Q: I am 25 years old married having a 2 year old baby girl. I am from Iran (sunni-hanafi) but was born and brought up in Dubai. I was guiltly trapped into marriage thou I did not like my husband. I have a 10 years gap with my husband and we both are very different. I grew up in a religious family and his family is so fancy. Hence, he never liked me and even I couldn't feel any love towards him because he is so proud, always so angry and talks meanly. He does not like me to visit my relatives or go shopping he just wants me to stay home. He always makes fun of me and my family. He is always so suspicious. He does not love, respect or trust me. We even have communication problem. Every time we speak, we end up arguing because we always misunderstand each other. I don't feel comfortable talking to him because he gets angry quickly and says rude and mean stuff to me. He goes and tells his mom whatever happens at home and he doesn't pray. Only in the month of Ramadhan he will pray and fast 30 days and then not even go for Eid prayers. Rest of the 11 months he wont pray atall. Thou I keep telling him to pray and I always make dua and have even fasted 3 days for Allah to give him hidaya he always listens to music. He does not work his father pays are expenses.3 years have passed to our marriage and i havent seen any change in him.I have lost my paitence and im so tired.It has now reached to a point that i get disgusted when he touchs me and i get so furious when he talks to me and is around.i keep refusing when he calls me to bed. But he use to force me and i know its sin to refuse your husband so i use to let him thou inside it killed me.I tried to explain to him that the way he treats me has brought a big distance between us but he said that im just bringing up excuses because i dont love him and dont want to live with him and said if i dont want to live with him i can leave and not even think of asking for the baby.My mom suggested me to tell him that if he starts praying i will put a stone on my heart and stay with him for the sake of Allah.But he disagreed to it and said he will start from ramadhan.So i told him either you start praying or give me a divorce.i really dont believe him why not pray today why after 4 months and his like i will try to change but i have really lost hope in him.Then i decided to pray istikhara for a week and prayed to Allah to show me the way by that if he starts praying i will stay and if not i will leave.After a week i took my baby and went to my parents house. But he came and wanted to take my baby, my mom had guests that day so before he could make an issue she asked me to go with him.Thou he knows im thinking of separation he forces me to bed.I want to give it a chance just for the sake of my child because i know he won't let me have her if i separate. But mentally im very disturbed and depressed and im afraid as a wife i won't be able to do my duties i wont be able to obey him because i have really lost hope in him.Please help me decide.

Q: I am married for 15 years with three children, I love my wife but she is very difficult. She has slowly changed from committed women to complete irresponsible lady, took hijab out without my consent, then she stop praying and fasting, then she start going out with liberal clothes until we have been clashing several times. She put forward a divorce petition and made few false allegations to police in order to support her divorce. I have tried to calm her down as the divorce is not justified, invited her to do haj together but she refused, then I realised after a while that she was in relationship with another atheist man for a long time over Facebook who was teaching her how to get divorced and gets maximum money compensation in order to come to UK. The divorce still not finalized and we are in dispute about the children care at this stage. She is taking advantage of the law in this country and does not want to follow shariah law, having said that our marriage was done in Islamic country before we came to UK. What should I do with somebody broken the family and does not obey Islamic rules?

Q: My father has been treating my mother with unnecessary banter and quarrels for about 20 years now. I don't remember a time in my house where we openly laughed. My father does not love my mother, because if he did he'd see the pain he's causing her. My father yells at my mother for no reason and accuses her of such she didn't do. He doesn't trust her as well. He's been causing her all this pain and she's been dealing with it just for her two daughters. I suggested she divorce him. My dad has had a previous wife as well which he divorced. What should I do? Should I convince my mom to get a divorce and be happy?