advice

Q: I am a 30 year old women, with a 3 year old daughter. I am currently looking to seek Khula. My husband is also my first cousin and I was very happy with my marriage, however he left me over 2 years ago due to the following reasons:

1. Before we got married I had over £50k saved up as I worked for 10 years. Our parents had agreed for us to speak over the phone to understand each other before the marriage in a few weeks time. I told him that I didn't have my own home or place to rent yet & to give me 3 months to buy or find a place to rent. He refused at the time and said that we should get married now. He also said that he would be able to buy a home for us as he had enough money from his family (they were extremely wealthy) and for me to not worry about it - this conversation happened several times. So we married a few weeks later. Note I spent close to £30k on marriage. I offered to use some of the money I had left for either rent or to buy a property & also use the money he had promised he had to get a place - however for the next 3-4 years he just kept promising and using excuses to delay getting any money. Then he left me 2 years ago on the day I raised the point again about us moving out (note my father wanted us to leave his home where we stayed after we got married) with one of his excuses being he can't buy a home and that we can't be together. He never looked back at me or even tried to keep in touch with his child. Countless times I even offered to rent a place out myself for us be he just didn't want to.

2. We lived at my parents home after we got married and got his Visa to come to the UK. We actually in total lived here for 4 years. I helped to also provide for my own family because my father was on an extremely low income and also was the eldest child so I supported my mother, father & 3 other siblings. I told him this that I would need to support them before we got married & never did he object to it during the course of our marriage. However when he left me he used this as another excuse that he was annoyed I used to provide/help my family financially.

3. Another point is that he left me after 3 months of getting his permanent stay in the UK. So I'm assuming the Visa was the reason for the marriage.

4. I always tried to be very supportive to my husband helping financially - for e,g when our child was born I brought everything. I never once questioned him or even asked for any money because I understood he was on a low income & whatever is mine is his. Since the day he left 2 years ago he never made contact again with me. I don't know where he lives, some family members do but they don't tell me. Based on above reasons that he didnt support me financially and still doesn't, left me and my child without proper valid reason over 2 years ago - please could you answer the following questions:

1. Am I within my rights to request for Khula?

2. As I don't know where he is? What does Islam say about this? And how should I approach Khula? I don't want any money from him - as I am capable of looking after myself and my child. I just want peace and want to move on. More recently I had a proposal from an already married man who wants to support me & my child. (I don't know him & not spoken to him but we live in a close community and he heard about my circumstances at a local mosque) - my parents were told of this proposal through friends. If I go ahead I don't want him to break up with his first wife. In fact I would want to live together as a family.

1. Does he need to get consent from his first wife if we were to do a Nikkah?

2. My parents told me about it but are refusing to the proposal because he's already married - Can I marry him without my parents consent?

Q: I have a very serious issue going on in my life right now and has been going on for a while now! I dont know if its because of nazar or jadoo! I pray regularly! sometimes 4, sometimes 5! I also read the Quran frequently! I'm 30 years old and still unmarried! I did however get proposals in the past, and got engaged but sadly that didnt work out! A few of the proposals were not very suitable and some were! but the problem lies with my mother! she is extremely paranoid and is always suspecting people! Now I finally found someone who is compatible and is a Muslim who also prays but she thinks hes from a different sect which he has said that he is not! He is a Sunni Muslim and so is his family! the problem is my mother is still not convinced and thinks hes not telling the truth! she is always suspecting people and is never satisfied even though she is religious! I understand that she has gone through a lot in her life but now she is not letting me marry! one of my sisters is married alhumdullilah but she is still in denial! Her behavior is getting intolerable! Both are families met and both liked each other except my mother! I gave her a deadline that if she doesnt approve or cause any sort of problem I will have to take the matters into my hands and will therefore marry on my own! My father has agreed to support me and has also given his approval but still the matter has not progressed! everytime I get a proposal something or the other happens! I have done several wazifas and also did istekhara when i first got engaged! nothing seems to be working for me! Im in depression now and sometime I think of ending my life because I have desires too and want to live a normal life and stay away from zinah and evil! My question is If I get my nikkah done at a mosque without my mother or parents or any family member will it be permissible? Please let me know!! I need help!!

Q: My husband cheated on me. He had sexual relations with a married woman and a mother of three. iI have left his home. What should I do? Should I leave him or not? I am neither able to live with him nor able to leave him. He is in love with zina.

Q: I have some family problems now a days..nothing was like this before..my younger brother never behaved like this before..now he stands in front of father ..argue with him even ready for quarrel..he was most obedient of us bt now his behavior is totally changed in a week...his age is 17 years..also there are many other problems which have started at once..i want peace in my house before...is there any special dua or prayer for it??plz help me out

Q: I am woman who was recently in an arranged marriage. My husbands side did not allow me to talk to my husband before the wedding, I only had a 10 min conversation with him. I raised concerns over my husband not talking much before the wedding and my parents chose to ignore this. A few days in to the marriage I discovered that my husband suffers from a mental health condition called schizophrenia. I was very upset that this was hidden from me and also my family. This explained a lot of initial difficulties that I was having with him, although I started to care for him a lot. I was worried that he may have another manic episode which will make life very difficult for our marriage. He is currently on medication everyday for this. I have decided to end our marriage because of all his symptoms and my worry for this getting worse in the future. I was with him for a few weeks and the marriage was not consummated because we were getting to know each other. I have since come home and prayed istikhara to see if I should go back to my husband. I have seen that I was being attacked by a wasp, the house was on fire and also that there were a lot of scary people and creatures waiting outiside to attack me and family. I don't know what these dreams mean. I have decided not to go back to my husband. However I find that at times my heart longs for him and that my heart longs to be with him and share my moments with him. I'm finding it difficult to think of marrying other men. I am so confused and a mess. I know that I cared for him a lot but I worry about the difficulty his condition will have on our future as it is something no one told me about. A lot of people ask me to go back and give it a try but I cannot make his condition better, the issues for the future will still be there and I don't want to consummate the marriage if we may end it again. Please give me your thoughts, am I in the wrong for wanting to leave? Will these feelings for care and love go away? I started to feel like his career and became overprotective of him and his condition.

Q:

My first question is: In Islam, when does a child have the right to go outside and maybe socialise or even go to the mosque and come back by themselves. Say a general ruling for maybe a boy who is 13-14 years old.

My second question is: Up to what extent is an older sibling allowed to punish a younger sibling i.e. corporal punishment or verbal? 

My third question is: If your parents say something like "I don't care about what sunnah or fatwah says, it's about what I say! It's about me!" how do you respond in a respectful way.

Q: I am a Muslim woman. My husband is a Muslim and drinks alcohol and I asked him to stop and he said no what do I do?

Q: The issue I have is with my parents. When I was 14,a friend of mine visited me and she used to talk to guys. As I was a kid, and insensible, I started doing that too. After a month, she left but this became my habit. My parents caught me with this and got very mad. They even rose their hand at me,to make me understand. But as it became a habit, I could not get off it. I then came back to Pakistan, and still had this habit in me. I went onto anonymous chat sites to talk to guys and yet, once again my mother caught me. She rose her hand again and she gave me a bad dua that I will suffer the way she is because of me. I will keep an eye on my kids when I will have them. My husband won't trust me ever. He will keep an eye on me, On my each move. I won't be able to sleep peacefully because I will always be scared of what my kids are doing. She said this to me on the first mistake too. Then, when I was 16 and 17, I got emotionally attached with two guys. One when I was 16 was my cousin. We were serious about each other but our families couldn't bond. My mother said that I wont be able to fit in their family style and secondly the guy, himself used to talk everything about us to another girl, who was interested in him previously and still was. So I stepped back. At the age of 17, I got interested in a guy from my school. He liked me too. And we used to talk. One night, when he was calling, the phone vibrated and my father came back from. His work. As the phone was on charge, my father took it in hand and I was once again in trouble. My mother gave me the same bad duas again. And everything happened as before. And now, am 19. I love a guy who I've met through the girl who I told you about. I am very serious about him and want to marry him. He is 9 years older than me and due to his age, his family is asking him to get married. He has refused many proposals because of me. He stated his love for me when I was 18, so I asked him to wait one year so that I can turn 19. As many Nikah's in my family have been done at the age of 19 of girls. He agreed and waited a year for me. Now when I talk to my mother and I speak the truth of how I met him ((through the girl), she says she does not trust me. I am lying. As I have been into this dirt ever since I was a kid. I am not loyal anymore. I am just a liar, who can never speak truth. But my Allah knows, how honest I am regarding this. And how loyal, and serious I am. Before this, I was caught with a phone (not given by my parents), which I used to talk to him. At that time, my father gave me a choice to either leave him once and forever or to leave the house. He also said that if this kind of thing happens again, he will kill both, I and him. I talked to my mother regarding this man yesterday, and she gave me the same bad duas. I am seeking forgiveness from Allah ever since I gained consciousness. I have made uncountable duas for him and I getting together. And getting into Nikah asap. We have waited, had patience. And during all this time, I was in contact with him beside saying I wont as I couldn't keep myself away from him. Please help me. Tell me what is right and what is wrong. I am very sincere and loyal and honest to have to keep this relationship and turn it into Nikah asap. Please help me, how do I make my parents believe me? And my main concern : will my mother's bad dua become true in the future? Are mother's negative duas qabool'ed by Allah? I am very restless. Please help me. I want to get out of that dirt which I still am in somewhere. I want to make myself pious and righteous. I want to get into Nikah asap with the respect, love of my parents and his parents. My mother also said that when I will be married, my father and mother, both will be very thankful that finally, I left. And they won't want to keep any contact with me. They don't want my younger sister to get in the wrong path as I have. And they don't want my bad resemblances on her. Please help me. I am repenting from Allah since forever, I have begged him, cried in front of him. He knows am pure at heart and that I really want to marry this man rightfully. Please, guide me to the right path.

Q: I am married for 15 years with 3 kids. My husband takes care of us financially but he has been cheating on me. He drinks and stays with other women and abuses me physically and mentally. He does not want to divorce but wants me gone with kids. But otherwise he is very nice to everyone else, he helps people, donates for mosques, does charity. Does this make him a good person? What do I do? Please help me do the right thing. I have been tolerating him for the sake of my kids but i m distraugt inside.