Advice

Q: I received this message and wanted to comment back to help him correct what needs to be corrected, but I wanted some guidance on how to respond.

"True... But Muslim social norms today mean women do not interact with men therefore they do not know whom they want to marry... In the time of the Prophet and Sahabi there was much more interaction. Indeed women would pray behind men. Therefore women knew who they were marrying... We have messed up the system. In our system (not Islamic. Just ultra conservative) women are forced to marry who their parents want them to... Those marriages are technically nil and void. Woman can walk away and say I'm technically not married. Furthermore we have created huge stigma on divorce... even though this was recorded and documented all the way back to Ismail A.S. it should be so easy for a divorcee to get re married but our messed up system rejects them unfortunately... Sad"

Q: What is the reason if we desperately pray a lot for a job or something else and when we finally get it, its bad/unenjoyable? Do we have to think that maybe this happened because Allah is testing us? Or are we being punished?

Can you help me figure out how to perceive Allah when I’m struggling? Like if I’m praying for a job opportunity, or something else, and nothing is going my way?

I know I have to remember that Allah is the Provider of Rizq and that He always wants the best for us. But what if I don’t know if what I’m receiving (rejections/sadness) is due to a trial or if its a punishment?

Q: My parents are separated. My dad keeps insisting that I go to this party at his house with his family but I dont want to. He still insists. My mum doesn't want me going to his house anyway. Am I allowed to decline?

Q: How can one obtain the blessing of firasah?

Q: An elderly Hafez offered me a job over the phone. However, his first task for me was to work on a website with haraam pictures, which he emailed to me. I replied with a very polite and respectful email asking him to please excuse me from this website owing to the animate images. It is now a month later and he has not even responded. I am feeling sad as I felt that at least I will have a halaal job working for a Muslim with a kurtah and beard.

In fact, I have contacted numerous Muslims in my industry seeking work. I even offered working for free so that I can gain experience. Only one Muslim even responded. Then too, every Muslim business employs female staff. Nothing halaal is forthcoming. Please advise me.

Q: For a long time I did not follow much of Islam, in fact, very little. I made a very major sin last year @ the age of 34 and that was my turning point. I had gone from praying one salaat every now and then and if I did two on the same day that was an improvement for me. Since my major sin, I'm praying four salaats a day. I tried five, but I think I was praying too much too quickly. So, I dropped back from five to four. Once I'm able to do my salaats with ease I will add the final salaat which is my Fajr prayer that I find most difficult. Since then I have tried to lead a better life and hope to return to Allah Ta'ala in the best of conditions Inshallah.

My question is that the more salaats I am praying, the more angrier I am getting. I am very quick now to overact and my anger escalates very quickly and I know for a fact that this is not me... the less I followed of Islam I never ever used to get this angry... Infact I would always practice being calm in all situations. The regular anger that I feel now would only happen back then when I was pushed to the limit. I don't know what to do. Please explain to me what is happening and what I can do about it. 

Q: I am currently living with my parents with my husband and 2 toddlers, my sister lives in her own house but has no kids. Do I need to offer my mother and sister whenever I go out with my husband and children like to the beach or for outings? My father does not take my mother out much and her only opportunity to go out for entertainment is with us. Sometimes I feel guilty if I don't offer them as I would not want to be in their situation one day but I like spending quality time with my husband and children only.

Q: My sister had an engagement function recently. I was under the impression that it will be completely separate. I had spoken to my sisters and mother before and they said there will be a purdah in the center and my sister will sit on the ladies side and her fiancè will sit on the mens side.

On the day of the engagement when I went to the hall there was incomplete seperation between males and females - the partition covered only 2/3rds of the hall. Men seated at the front were in full view of women seated at the front. There was a table for both the bride to be (my sister) and the groom to be seated together on the ladies side. There was only 1 tea table was set for both men and ladies.

I tried to speak to my sisters who were there that it wasnt what I had expected but they kept brushing me off. I was then furious and I phoned my mother and told her that that was not what I had expected and that I will not attend the function. I might had spoken to her abit harshly. She spoke to my sisters and they decided to put a second pardah at the back but it was still not good enough as the seperation was incomplete.

This was a few hours before the function and we went back home to get dressed for the engagement. My cousin and brother in law started arguing with me that its not serious and that its my sisters function and im being too harsh and strict. When I spoke to my wife she was half minded about going but we decided to go to keep family ties. My wife is in niqaab and after the function started, she told me that she is not happy with the incomplete seperation, 1 tea table and that the bride and groom to be seated next to each other on the ladies side. My wife ask me to drop her off at home which I did and I was half minded about going back, I did but I did not go into the hall to eat but stayed outside and helped them to dish out etc.

My family is very upset and disappointed that my wife left the function without saying anything and that I did not sit and partake of the food which was served. I felt it was wrong for me to be part of such a gathering as I wear kurta, turban and have a full beard. They feel that we are breaking family ties when Allah commands us to obey our parents even if they are non Muslims. I am the only son by the way. They are also upset about the way I spoke to my Mother. They are saying that people were asking them where is my wife and why am I not in the hall. Someone else had also said we visit shopping malls which are mixed and make tawaaf which is mixed therefore howcome we "made such a fuss" at the engagement which was not completely seperate. They also say that we do other things that are not correct so why are we so strict with this.

Kindly advise whether what my wife and I did was correct, how to unite the family and the way forward regarding such events in future. Any other advice will also be appreciated

Q: What is Islamic view on

1. Wife going to her parents home without taking permission from her husband?

2. Wife going with her parents to some person who gives taweez without pardah?

3. Wife never listens to husbands view and always listens to her parents and family?

4. Husband travels daily 220 km, and on weekends wants to be with wife, but her parents call her home forcefully, and wife gives priority to her parents and does not listen to her husband.

5. Wife studying mbbs, that's why husband sacrifices plans for not having children's for the next 5 years so not to disturb her studies but wife still utilises spare time to visit her parents and doing work for her younger sisters.

6. Wife's parents are fond of her money and after she completes her degree they want her to work. She is also willing to work, but her husband doesn't like her to work.

What to do, I purchased fazail e Amal and muntakhab and suggested many times to do taleem and once we did taleem in her parents home with her parents. Daily I do taleem and take my wife and all my family members to sit in taleem. My wife listens to whatever her parents tell her whether it's wrong or right. 

Q: I got married in 2001 to a revert woman. We have three children 17, 9 and 8 year old. I am working abroad and visit twice a year. My wife is unhappy because I support my mother since my father passed away 4 years ago. I provide for her well enough accordingly to my ability.

We have a problem for about 10 years and I am afraid that if I leave her she will become apostate and my children's future will be in trouble. All the time she threaten's me that she will leave and marry another person. She openly opposes to support my mother and sisters. She stopped any physical relations with me 8 years ago. What should I do?