Advice

Q: The stage that a person is going though nowadays is extremely sad. He is suffering from the evil and bad thoughts about Islam and Allah. He told that he wasn't like this before in his life. When he was asked about how it happened, then he told that one day he went to the graveyard and soon after he came back home, he started suffering from that same evening. He sometimes think that Allah Almighty has given him a punishment but he still offers a lot of supplications in order to get rid of it. Is it a sign of jinn possession because he sometimes get so much evil thoughts that he starts beating himself. Or it is a sign of blackmagic or a punishment or a test by Almighty Allah? 

Q: I have been hearing that a forced marriage isn't valid. What does it actually mean? What if the couple in question have spent 20 years together and have children, after all these years, is their marriage still not valid?

I have basically spent the last 20 years crying continuously and praying to Allah to change my condition. I ask because I was forced into a marriage with a total stranger, moved to the US where I lived with his overbearing family for 10 years and subjected to extreme harassment and neglect from husband and in laws years before buying our own home. Although I begged him to move into a separate home earlier, he refused except for 1.5 years and then moved back to his parent’s home after being convinced by his mother.

My husband did not provide spending money to me from the beginning but handled all finances himself and hardly helped with childcare at home. I was embarrassed to ask him for any money even though I was completely dependent on him. My anger and hurt was too great. Once I started working, I contributed regularly to household expenses and childcare cost completely. Till date, I pay my portion of mortgage fully on car, food and some other bills while he pays for some of the others.

I have never felt taken care of as a wife, mentally, emotionally, physically, financially and I suffered a great deal spiritually for this. Physical intimacy has been minimal to zero from the very beginning as he is not able to perform as a man. We have zero connection emotionally, physically or intellectually and it has been and is just a living arrangement between two people where we each live together with our two daughters and take care of the regular chores to maintain a home. I think he is delusional that this is a marriage.

I have never been able to truly accept this marriage and have always felt that I will apply for divorce once my daughters have completed their bachelor’s degrees. It's not a life I would have chosen for myself, ever, and though I have tried my best to live a conflict free life, things have been difficult between us especially in the beginning. I have learned to emotionally shut off, shut him out and disengage from my husband to the point that I do not talk to him much and mostly when necessary. I've not been able to accept that it's what was written for me. I forgive my parents and I don't want my parents to have any punishments from Allah for this. I can't stand the thought of them suffering in this life never mind the next.

Does this make my marriage invalid? Considering how I truly feel, is it ok for me to wait another 4 years before seeking divorce? 

Q: I don’t pray five times a day but whenever I pray then I get into worse situations. What should I do? This is not once but it happened a lot to me.

Q: I love someone who is a pious and faithful man, but my father rejected his proposal based on his family status and caste. My father fixed my marriage with someone else. I am an educated girl and a doctor by profession. I resist a lot but no one can understand it. I have no feelings for the other person. What should I do? My parents dont't listen when I tell them that I don't like this person.

Is it permissible to make nikaah against my parents will as my age is 25?

Q: What amal can a person engage in to lower his desires, besides fasting. How should a person fast for lowering his desires to be efficient

Q: If the husband only brings up the past on to when the wife used to fight with him and for what, (normal daily fights, nothing big) which made him the person he is, he should forgive her and move on but he chooses to live in the past and think that way which is affecting their present and future married life. The husband and wife do not get along at all due to not spending time together or doing anything with each other. Please advise.

Q: How to remove negative thoughts and feelings?

Q: I am working abroad and I am married. Nowadays my mind is all the time disturbed because of my sexual need. My wife is not with me, she is at my home and I don't have too much money to go to her. Please advise me what to do?

Q: I am 26 years old and my parents have been looking to get me married for the past few years as I feel ready. However in today’s society men are very selective with beauty. Unfortunately I’m not very tall and I have Vitiligo which although I cover up (to always remain presentable) I feel it is best to be honest about. But when the opposition are informed of it then they are no longer interested. Please could you assist with how to remain positive in this situation, as in today’s society it feels like I will never be accepted by anyone. I know everything happens for the best but this is causing me a major distress. I don’t have many options to cure or control my illness, I have been to many doctors and tried a lot of treatments. My self esteem has got very low and I am very much doubting if I will ever get married like my friends and sisters (though they have perfectly flawless skin). I am very practicing and have been making dua in tahajjud for the past three years, however I am still in the same boat. The last party were very religious and the boys parents were Alim and Alima. I always thought that if the family were pious then they would be more understanding but again it was a no due to my skin issue as it would be hard for the man to love me. This has left me with little hope and sadness. Please could you kindly advise.

Q: I am dentist but not interested in working. My only purpose of marriage was to serve my husband in Islamic ways, obey him and stay with his family. But his demand and wish was for me to work. He said that it doesn't matter if I go outside and remove my burkha and work. It doesn't matter if I have to discuss professional services and cases with male doctors. It doesn't matter if I have to travel alone on buses and trains or for long journeys. He just wants me to work which pleases him and makes him proud in front of friends and society.

He doesn't consider my will nor understands my view for not working. I told within a few months that when we have a baby inshallah then responsibilities will increase and I want to be at home and raise the child and serve him and take care of the home. Though, he is financially fit and earns a good salary, he and his mother always taunts me for not wanting to work.

After so much mental stress I had a miscarriage and fell very ill and decided not to work to avoid such nusiance. I was so weak and was planning for pregnancy and I told him when my bus stop comes, please come early and pick me up and while departing, he should hold my hands because I was afraid of losing a baby agian, but he never came early neither stood at the stop. Sometimes I felt like I should catch hold of the conductors hand who is non a Muslim and na mahram to avoid falling and discomfort but again held myself back because it woulld be a sin if I do so? In such situations what should I to do?