Q: I'm a 27 year old homosexual guy. My parents want me to get married but I have zero interest in girls. All my life I've never been in any kind (homo/hetro) relationship, I've never been intimate with anyone. In the last few days, due to my curiosity, I've seen many gay people living their life happily and this gave me so much pain that I can never experience the joy of true love because I know homosexuality is haraam and prohibited. If I get married to a girl, won't that be wrong for that innocent girl?
I've been battling my thoughts for the last few years and it was not easy to be untouched for 27 years in today's time where teenagers are engaged in such activities and people see you as a loser because you haven't done it yet.
I thought about suicide multiple times but that's also a major sin and also I have responsibilities towards my family as I'm the elder child and my big brother is already a rebel and my parents still haven't got over him. I can't give them another shock by saying anything.
I'm getting mentally unstable and can't see my future self living my life for me. Its hard to control the needs/urges of the body now. Every time I think about all this I get this deep pain and sorrow in my heart and tears in my eyes. I have no one to talk to about it personally. I do not want to commit either of the sins, neither can I be normal nor can I end my life. For Allah's sake, please please help me to get out of this.
A: Your concern to make nikaah correctly should be a greater worry than your thoughts about homosexuality. Just as if a person is involved in kufr and worshipping a statue, he cannot say that my heart and mind inclines towards this hence I will like to be an idolator. You will remain in Islam and proportionate to your commitment to Islam you will begin to see the good and your heart will open out.
If someone's heart is inclined towards murdering, robbing and cheating he will have to force himself to be disciplined and civil. He cannot say that my heart is inclined to this and why must I disappoint my heart in not murdering, killing, looting and stealing. If he acts in a civil and respectful way, gradually he will begin seeing the good in that and he will see the filth in the wrong.
And Allah Ta'ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
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