Maintaining family unity
Q: The sons in a particular family insist that for the sake of keeping family unity, their wives should invite the entire family (their mother, siblings and siblings spouses and kids) for a meal. And that their mother and sister are entitled to stay a few days every once in a while at the son’s house. If the daughter in laws complain about the amount of work it takes to host a meal for so many people, the sons become very angry and fight with their wives until they agree to host.
There has already been so many divorces in this family. Who is right and who is wrong? The sons, their mother and sister for constantly imposing on the daughter in laws or the daughter in laws for not wanting to entertain guests?
A: In a family unit, in order for happiness and harmony to be enjoyed between the spouses, there should be love, understanding and cooperation from both sides. If these factors are not found, then it will lead to the happiness and harmony being affected or totally lost. This can then lead to the relationship being soured or it may even lead to the breakdown of the nikaah.
Hence, the daughter in law should be accommodating and go out of her way to host the husband's family when they come home, just as she would be happy to host her own family.
However, the husband should be understanding and he should not burden his wife with what she cannot manage. The husband should realize that it is not his wife's duty and responsibility in a marital relationship to host his family and serve them. Rather, she has a duty towards her husband and her own family.
Nevertheless, it is in keeping to Islamic morals, values and the beautiful teachings of islam that the wife should honour the husband's family. In this spirit, if the husband wishes to invite them, then with a happy heart she should host them and serve them to please her husband.
Similarly, the husband should not have a demanding attitude with his wife and force her to host and serve his family, especially when he will not be doing the work, but the work will be done by his wife.
Therefore, if the wife is finding it difficult to cook for so many people, then the husband should make the necessary arrangements for the food to be cooked, and the husband should ensure that he calls that amount of guests to his home which his wife can manage to host comfortably. In this way, the wife will also look forward to hosting the guests with happiness and respect.
And Allah Ta'ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
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