Masaail relating to intimacy

Masturbation

Q: We are a relatively young couple and happily married with two children. One thing missing in our marriage is intimacy and sex. Its been like this for
the last 9 years. My wife has declared that she is no longer interested in this side of marriage and wants to be left alone. Sexual frustration and being faithful has been a huge battle and test so far and to keep this in check would occasional masturbation be allowed?

Marital intimacy

Q: Is pleasuring the private part via tongue, hand classed as zinna/fornication? Is it punishable by hadd? How can one hope for forgiveness for such a disgusting sin as apparently repentance for major sin is not always accepted.