Advice

Q: I tied knot in 2011 and my rukhsati was in the same year. It's been four years since my marriage now and I'm in the same box for years. My mother-in-law started disliking me the day I got married in short neither she nor anyone in my husband's family was in the favour of this marriage. The real problem started just after a week when she start making wrong assumptions about me and spread false information about me around the neighbours and relatives(I never met). My mother in law was unjust toward me and portrayed a image of evil daughter in law. I felt strange and bad at the same time, I wasn't sure of what's going on till I asked her directly that " was she in the favour of this marriage?" Her answer was plain no. Let me add this that my rukhsati was held in Islamabad from where I'm and it was a simple function in which none of my husband's family attended except his mother because my mother insisted my mother in law. My mother in law before rukhsati said to send her along my husband which my mother didn't approve. And during the function she introduced the girl she chose for my husband by saying "she is the girl I chose for my son". She also have stated some mean things about my mother and my siblings. She created a lot of problems in the house by calling my husband and saying inappropriate things to him. My husband psychologically was tired and not stable when he decided to move out. And after four years none of my husband's family member is in touch with me they still say bad things about me for eg his sister said I'm not a good girl, his brother tried to create problem between us by saying she is trying to distance you from them and always say negative things about me to which my husband believed. This is just one problem and the other was y relation with my husband during the time when my in laws were doing all this, my husband told me that he is having a problem of ED, we still have not developed a relation of husband and wife due to his problem and his lack of interest( I can say). For past four years, my husband had consulted four doctors only. Whenever I talk to him about it he gets frustrated and I can't make him feel him bad so I choose my words wisely. Though he hadn't done anything about it and I don't know how long this will continue. I told my mom about this and she advised me to come back home and I never left my husband with a believe that we can solve this and things will work out and I was wrong. My husband fulfils other duties and provide me with things but there is always something missing. After my marriage he was also in a favour of adoption. I stress a lot about our problem and my husband doesn't seem to care. It's just not the problem it's more of our relation. He don't think about us. He stress over his duty towards his parents and he fears that he will be held accountable for them only. He believes moving out of his parents house means he abandoned them. Though he asked his parents to move in with us on which his mother said "I can't live with your wife". Recently, he got a job opportunity from abroad and he declined by saying he can't go out till his parents are alive and he psychologically is in peace because of them (his parents). He don't think about us or our problem, he seems to not care. He takes me for granted and I know this now. I don't know what my purpose is in my husband's life. I feel depress and not wanted at times. I know I have every right to ask for divorce.. I'm too weak for that as I loved this man and expects a lot from him but I get dishearten every time. I have seek Allah's help and prayed for things to get better but I'm still standing there. I'm not happy anymore. I'm in depression. I have written everything about my marriage life and things going on and how I feel. There is nothing I have exaggerated or added anything of my own. I just need some help to pull myself from this.

Q: I am divorced and have been living with my mother for the past 10 years. I have always been working and supported her for all that time. But last year for 8 months I was unemployed. And for this reason my mother did not provide me with food. I was also not allowed to bath. I suffered a lot but I never said anything or complained. By my second night without food all I could think about was filling my tummy. I went to the neighbour and asked her for a slice of bread. I went home that night and cried. But I didn't cry for me. I cried for those that didn't have a neighbour they could go to. It was a very difficult time for me, but Alhamdulillah Allah carried me through. I have accepted that it was a test from Allah and it has brought me closer to Allah. But what I do struggle with is the fact that my mother found it in her heart to do that to me. I have conflict within myself and I'm trying to let go of that feeling. How do I let it go and stop thinking about it. Also understand that as old as I am (41) I have never uttered a rude word or harmed my mother in any way. I always remain quiet when she for some reason is upset with me. That is why I am struggling to understand and accept her behaviour.

Q: I have a mental condition called psychosis, OCD, split personality disorder and I sometimes just completely just zone out randomly (previous to them I'll be completely engrossed in the remembrance of Allah) and i will start going through my memories of events by judging people, talking to or about them as if I am enacting them, and sometimes my body goes into automation (either 100% or partial while I'm still able to control my self) and I start backbiting them or I just have the emotion of malice that is not genuine and the next word or phrase I say is something dangerously close to backbiting or it is backbiting. In these situations did I backbite these people and do I need to seek forgiveness from the people I have backbited while I was still partial in control? (for example, I'll be randomly talking and acting out a discussion of two people and I will have the emotion of hatred for them and I'll put myself where my next word is to speak bad about them or is dangerously close to it.) I also do these things while I'm talking to Allah myself or to unknown made up intentions to the surrounding area of where I am (I am almost 100% alone when I am doing this).