Advice

Q: I want to ask a question about dating in Islam. I am dating a guy whom I love so dearly,we both want to get married in the future but there is a deep urge within me to be just a pious Muslim and stop all the bad things I am doing. So what I really want to know is if he and I repent to Allah and try to get engaged in the Islamic way, will Allah forgive us and accept our marriage as a lawful one in Islam. We both are pursuing our bachelor's degree and we want to wait until after that. I have been seeking answers for the past few weeks but a friend told me that the likelihood of Allah forgiving you of a sin you know is bad and still do is 0.1. So I am confused, I really need help.

Q: I personally dislike visiting restaurants/eating out, because I feel they are places of the dunya and a waste of money. However, my wife enjoys visiting restaurants and wants me to take her out to eat now and again. She agrees that we only go to places which have pardah facilities (screens), no music and reliable halaal food. Should I take my wife out to eat since this is important for her, and be thankful for the fact that she is particular with her parda and avoiding haram? Or should I follow my own feeling that eating out shows love of the dunya and is a waste of time and money, and thus refuse to take her out? If so, what alternatives can I provide her to keep her happy? My wife's background is such that she is not happy just sitting at home.

Q: I would like to know how to inculcate good manners in my children. I noticed that if I am strict and firm with them, they start screaming and crying. However, if I am lenient with them, they take advantage of me and simply ignore me. Please provide me with some guidelines on how to discipline them.

Q: I and my husband have been married for four years now with one two year old son. Before our marriage we had a love relation for ten years. As we are cousins too, we had the most beautiful relation though with few fights. Just before getting married I was studying for USMLE but my husband who was my fiance stopped me had big fights and told me to leave it and study in Pakistan whatever I want to do. Two years after our marriage I did my specialization and started working in hospital from 9 to 2. Its been last one month my husband has strong objection on not doing it and leaving it. In between our marriage we had huge fights. My husband beat me several times very brutally and things have gotten to two talaaqs because of his anger. He has not given me any money for my personal expenses only for house hold and recently he took away money from me which he gave to save and told me he will not give me money as I do job and he will deprive me of it. I came to my parents home. He came and misbehaved and abused my parents. They came to know he beats me regularly and abuses me. They told me to leave him but he apologised and said he will not do it again and let me continue my profession. As I came back with him his attitude is still the same no change in it. His parents tell him in front of me to do second marriage. I would add here that he recently told me before going for hajj that he had been bisexual before marriage and has done infidelities multiple times with both men and women but after marriage has stopped. My heart has stopped loving and trusting him and I don't even like it when he touches me because his attitude towards me is still the same. Should I get separated? Is it ok for me to leave him or stay? I am unable to communicate with him because he will fight and hurt me. I don't want to destroy our relation but my heart no longer likes him.

Q: I have two children Alhamdulillah. Both are boys age four years and two and a half years. Both are very naughty/aggressive by nature. I am trying to mange them but some times I feel that I am too strict with them so I try to change my behaviour, but when I change myself they became more aggressive and not ready to listen to anything. Sometimes it becomes really awkward and embarrassing when we (me and my wife) are calling them for something but they simply ignoring us and when we try to be little strict they (specially the younger one) starts shouting and crying for hours. Please guide me what Islam says about this situation? Is getting a little strict permissible or not? What is the best way treat a child?

Q: My family want me to marry one man, but I want to marry another man. My family is very against my marriage with the man that I love. They hate me for this. They say it is better if I die.

Q: I am really worried with a problem which is very big for me right now. This mail may be big. But for Allah's sake, help me. I asked you a question a few years back regarding my husband taking his office colleague in his car to jummah salaat and dropping her at her home. This was without my knowledge. You said it is not allowed. I've shown the mail to him. The woman and my husband decided not travel. Now again after all this time, I am a mother of 3 boys aged 6 5 and 1 year. I am a stay at home mother. As a wife I fulfill every duty and responsibility of mine to the fullest and as a mother also. My husband and I had a fight over his picking up a neighbor from the Hindu community from his office. I asked him to stop it and he agreed, Promised me. Then two years later I found on his phone a few whatsapp messages saying you are beautiful and some more than friendly chat of whatsapp messages with smiles and lol's. He is 37 now and the girl is maybe 25. He was loving me a lot. Literally he and I shared a very special bond. I felt blessed that Allah has given me a loving and caring husband and three beautiful kids. My family was perfect. Suddenly this girl comes. I asked him to stop taking her in his car as I feel possessive in these things. I don't want another woman to sit in the front seat. He hit me back then. I was pregnant with my 3rd baby. Then he realized and said sorry. I was kept in the dark all this time. He was cheating behind my back. He says he was only friendly with her. Picking her up. Dropping her at home. But why do this without my knowledge. Now he hits me a lot. Says he can leave me (divorce) anytime if I make a fuss out of it. What should I do. I feel lost, suicidal. But I care for my kids. I don't want to hurt them. If something happens to me. They will be left alone in this world. I was hospitalized with all this shock. My BP thyroid sugar levels are high now. I can't bear this anymore. Please help me.

Q: My husband has become so hostile towards me. He cannot find a job and blames me for that, as I have misplaced his CV. I tried creating one again, but he says it is not the same. He is helping a family with only women, mostly with his money, but then I have to help him pay the debt. His family spoke to him about a non-mahram woman but he told me that if that is a problem, he will marry the woman so that it is not an issue. When I tell him to leave me, he says he will but I must give him a chance to stay at my house till he finds a job. He maintains that he will not free me, even after he leaves. Now I hear remarks from my family that he wants to inherit from me. Can I sell one of my assets, even if I make a loss and give him his share of inheritance, instead of him waiting for me to die. It is very, very painful to see my husband go to these people. The mother and other members of the family calls him to help them (that is the reason he says he goes there). I can be spiteful and sell all my assets and give it to my children whilst I am still alive, but it would be at such a loss. I only have two more years to work and he is cross because I could not get a loan for a franchise for him, even if I put all my assets as security. He accuses me of boycotting the process. I tell him that Allah (Ta'ala) has saved me instead, as he is not really interested in staying with me. Please advise as to what to read, what amaal to do, how to handle the situation.

Q: My parents are angry on me because I did not obey them and married one divorced lady. Actually they agreed initially but after some time my sisters made my mother refuse that girl but I was doing everything normally as I introduced that lady to mother and father by taking them to her home and cleared everything regarding her martial status. But my sisters forced my mother to reject her and I couldn't say no to my wife's family and had to get nikaah done in front of their family. I tried at least one year to make my family understand the situation and traveled from U.A.E to Pakistan twice to make my sisters understand. Now my question is that since I am married to that lady, my parents are not talking to me specially my mother but my father has no issue to meet me but he also does not contact me himself. Please advise me a dua as well so that I can get my parents back.

Q: My elderly 78 year old Nigerian Christian neighbor called me to her home today and advised me that she has been experiencing evil influences for the past 10 years. She believes her home to be the problem. She says she is troubled by bad spirits troubling her during the night not letting her sleep. Her Christian priests advised her to undertake lots of prayer, one advised her to take benefit from Yaseen Shareef. Hence she has approached me. She wants me to find someone to do an amal for her. She has asked for holy water as well. What shall I do? She says she is very desperate. I am tempted to give her zam zam and a copy of the Qur'an Shareef in English. Should i also give her audio Qur'an? Please advise what I should do in this instance. Should my family or I be concerned at getting involved in this sort of thing? Can there be repercussions? Your direction in this matter is very much appreciated.