Advice

Marital problems

Q: I am married with my wife for almost 15 years and we have 3 children together. We have had a lot of problems before and I except the fact that most of the time I was to be blamed for the problems, drugs was 1 of the biggest problems in our marriage.

Recently I was set up by some cops and got locked up. In that time my wife got hold of my phone and listened to some voice notes where A and I was chatting. The chatting all started when I get into bed then my wife will turn her back to me and go sleep. Thats how it came that I was chatting to another female. When I came home after I was locked up then I was put out of the house becoz of the voice notes and me being locked up. I moved out but that wasn't enough for her. Becoz its my moms house and I'm my mothers only child.

After I slept in my car for a few nights already I got a msg from her saying that she dont know how to face me but shes moving out. I got at home with in about 30 mins and all her and the kids stuff was packed in boxes already she was just waiting for a truck to cum and load her stuff. I went back to work while she was still at home after work when I got home, the place was empty. She just left without saying anything; where shes going or whats going to happen. Becoz her mother stays in a different area now, shes telling me she got the kids into schools close to her mom which means to me that she's not intending to come back home and leave me for good.

Firstly, is she allowed to leave the house that we were living in without my permission irrespective the issues?

Secondly, can her mother just accept her like that just by listening to her side of the story and not mine? Uptill this very moment, not 1 of her family members contacted me in any way to find out what my side of the story is.

Thirdly, shes now sleeping almost a week out of the house. What can be done about this situation?

Lying to receive a pension from government

Q: My father was a hardworking man all of his life. Due to poverty in his homeland he went to a European country and worked there in a factory for 25 years. Never being dependent on any government help system. I have a few questions on what he did and would like to get answers from you about that so I can help my father by any means.

1. He took a few times loan from banks in order for his brother or his father and paid interest on it in order to get forgiven does he have to give the equal amount of money of the interest to a charity or to people for charity?

2. He got laid down from his job in 2008 and got dependent on government help system that is they paid him on a monthly basis. He could work a little but he had back pain but anyhow as he was old he did not get any job anywhere else. As we did not have any money our father was in Europe and we here in Pakistan, we were in a tight spot. Here was a chance our father could be gone into the disabled program that is the government gives the money to people who can’t work and they give it to his family as well.

We did many khatams and dua for this but every time when we made dua we asked ALLAH if its halal give it to us and if not then don’t.

What happened is that my father got accepted, but it is the way that he got accepted that worries me. They asked him a few questions to which some he answered honestly and to some not that he lied and cheated to them. Moreover he got 140000 dollars in pension which had to be used first by the authority after which they start paying us, what my father did is that he told them that he lost the money in gambling. He did this by going to a casino playing a few rounds showing himself to cameras and telling them he lost the money by which he then bought a home and some land. He got accepted and we started receiving a sum from a few months after.

My father as he was 55-57 years old could not get work or anything started to take the money and came back to homeland land and we use the money ever since. The money is given every month on a basis that the children must be studying and must give proof. All my brother and sisters study and we regularly send them proof which they want plus they give a fixed money to my father but not mother. That money is a little much for us that is we eat drink do our needs with it and can save and with the money we saved we bought land.

I married and we did some business but we usually lost money that is we always lose money in business. Now I want to repay the money which we took which brings me to another question must we repay the government from which we took the money or is this money halal?

Whatever we bought with the money the land or house has now increased in value do I have to pay the increase as well or just the sum taken?

My father cant repay them because he is old so I want to do it for him as he sacrificed all his life for us. I want to ask should I sell everything and repay the government?

Another thing is that can I START a business with that money earn enough and pay the government back will this profit be halal or haram. We do not have money to pay them back except by selling our properties and then we will have nothing and by doing job even in Europe paying back 5-7 hundred thousand dollar is hard very hard.

My father is a good man but he thought this is best for his family he knew he lied but he said that I worked for my pension and why should they give it to me in installments. He has back problems and has some anger issues but he is a good man prayes 5 times PRAYES NAFIL FOR HIS PARENTS EVERYDAY 20 RAKATS gives zakat gives sadaqa helps poor buys materials for mosque went 2 times hajj.

Please guide me I know my question is lengthy but here some molvis do not understand me. I want to pay back this money by any means. So to wrap it up do I HAVE TO SELL THE PRPERTIES TO PAY THEM BACK BECAUSE WE DO NOT HAVE ANY OTHER MEANS OR CAN I START A BUSINESS AND WITH THE PROFITS PAY THEM BACK? THE ZAKAT AND SADAQA ETC WHICH HE GIVES/gave IS THAT QABOOL OR NOT QABOOL IN ISLAM My father thinks maybe this money is halal but I do not think so and we do not have other income but as soon we have some business or money we will leave it he says and pay them back please help cheating to non muslim government is that also haraam?

Marital problems

Q: Me and my husband have been apart for 6 years. He has not supported me and our daughter. I have given him an ultimatum to choose before we got seperated because he was abusing me physically and emotionally and financially. He became violent and started to disrespect my family and me. The Imam of our town said the marriage can be claimed void due to the fact that we have not been in any contact for 6 years and also if we can find out if he converted back to his previous religion. Can you please tell me if it is possible because I want to move on with my life and the Imam is dragging the whole process.

Marital problems

Q: I am 27 years old. We are married nearly 2 and half years now. I am struggling to conceive due to imbalance of hormones and irregular periods. My husband has higher desire of sex compare to myself. I am trying my level best to meet up to his requirements but he is not happy and believing that I disobey him. I know and accept in Islam that a wife must show up when her husband calls her to bed otherwise she is sinful. He gets angry and frustrated with me and tells me that I should change my religion because I refuse him in bed. It is really quite worrying my life, I see no fault of myself if naturally I have less desire compared to him. But I am being scolded most of the time. My question is that what should I do in this case? Am I still sinful? How should we behave in this aspect? How should my husband treat me as I am naturally less desiring and most of the time I am meeting his requirement. I can say 90% of the time I do meet his desires. 

Marital problems

Q: My husband is having an affair with,a cheap evil white woman. I caught them twice. He is a doctor and feels he can get away with anything.he feels he can punish, me, because I found out about them.he walks around with arrogance, and pride that he is not answerable to anyone. Question is, I have given this my marriage my all. I am consumed by the injustice of it all, and consumed by revenge. I am praying Allah brings this man down,humiliates him,and, makes him regret,for destroying so much, and doing zinna. He has lost his Emaan,and still so proud. Problem, is, I can't wait for him, to be punished, because Iam hurting so so much.