Advice

Learning more about Islam

Q: The reason for my email is that I am struggling to find myself on a religious level and would like to know more about Islam. I grew up in a very strict Christian home and most of my life I have only been exposed to how Christian people should live and it’s very difficult for me as my views about a lot of things regarding religion has changed since I went to University. It’s not that I don’t believe in anything, it’s just that I’m very confused as to what to follow. In the past three years, since I left home to study at Stellenbosch University, I have been exposed more to the Muslim religion and ever since then i started questioning my Christian ways, but I’m to scared to tell my parents about how i feel because I’m afraid that they won’t understand where i come from and I’m also scared of disappointing them. So i ask you if you can, will you please help me to understand your religion better just to help me find myself?

Helping one's husband to stop being rude

Q: I need to know how to help my husband to stop being sarcastic and rude to everybody (his family, my family, close friends, my kids and I). His family even complains to me about how rude he is. I really don't know what to do anymore because it is affecting the way my son speaks as well. Do I take him to a therapist, Moulana?

PS: He doesn't see anything wrong with himself

Not allowing one's step son on one's property

Q: My husband has a son from his 1st marriage, he is 17. When we got married we used to see him at the weekends but then that stopped as it all went to court. Over the last year he made contact with my husband and they see each other every few weeks. Now his son wants to move in with us. I don't have an issue if he comes to visit but I am not comfortable with him moving in as I have a daughter from my previous marriage. She has not reached puberty yet but is 12 and will do soon.

My husband is adamant that he moves in with us. I want to know where I stand Islamically in this. My husband moved in with me into my property which I owned before I married him. My husband does own a property but his father and brother reside there.

Giving up porn and smoking

Q:

1. I have an e-cigarette. It is like an alterative to a cigrette and I've got lots of different types and spent alot of money on them but I want to stop it completely. Should I throw them away and go against my nafs?

2. I am a younster with hormones and I used to make accounts to watch naked women perform acts. Each time I had the urge I'd make a new account. Should I leave the accounts and ask for forgiveness and not go back to the accounts even if the accounts are there and not getting used? Will I be sinful everyday if the accounts are not there because I don't know how to delete them.

Feeling despondent

Q: Since my childhood I have been a high achiever and a very enthusiastic person but it has been very recent for about a year and a half post my graduation I feel hopelessness and lack of motivation to do anything. Never have I ever been proud or looking down upon others. But somehow I have ended here, I try but fail at accomplishing anything I start, moreover its the mocking and taunting from everyone around who expect me to achieve something especially after being so good at my studies all this time. I dont know why I'm failing at life at everything. Its consuming me. Please help me get rid of this depressed state of mind.

Mother involved in a haraam relationship

Q: One of my friends has a very serious issue at home. His mother is having a relationship with a man for the last 10 years. She is still married to my friends father. The whole family knows about the mothers relationship with this man, even her husband knows. My friend tried talking to his family but no one wants to resolve this matter. He is very worried and his mother is still having a relationship with this man. He took all possible steps to resolve the issue but nothing happened. Kindly explain what he should do now? Can he break all relations with his mother and leave all of them?

Befriending Shias

Q: I have a best friend who is a Shia and I am a Sunni though I’ve always been told by others not to trust Shias. A couple of months ago this boy I know started being very Islamophobic to me saying Islam is a cult and that I hate Jews which I do not and he called me a terrorist and some stuff about Isis etc. He has not once apologised and he is a kaafir. Recently I’ve had to find out from my peers that my best friend who is a Shia has been dating this same boy secretly whilst knowing what he’s done to me. She has touched a male before but not intercourse with a male, she then lied to me, multiple times and ignored me when she admitted that she has been dating this guy. I then out of anger said some horrible things and told others, whilst she has not apologised what should I do? Islamically what advice would you give me?

Consulting an experienced physician with regards to health matters

Q: I am a 24 year old unmarried woman living with my parents and siblings. I am having health problems and weight problems. Some of my health problems are schizophrenia and infection. I learned that water fasting is a way of curing these problems as they are deemed to be incurable by mainstream doctors so i have no option but to do it as I can do it and I have done it before and I want to obey the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) because he told us to strive for what benefits us and not to be lazy or incapable.

So my question is should I go ahead and obey the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) and do what will benefit me or obey my parents and continue suffering.

What scares them when I want to do the water fasting is the fact that I will not be eating anything but water for 30-40 days and they are afraid that i will die when I do it. It has been scientifically proven that the human body can survive for forty days on water without food and there are many people all over the world that have done it and are still doing it and they are gaining benefits from it even curing cancer with it. My mental health problem of schizophrenia can be cured permanently with it because there is a man named Dr. Nikolayev who cures his patients with mental disorders with prolonged water fasting. During the water fast, the body thrives off its reserves and this can last for forty days (please you can google more about water fasting and its benefits and water fasting for schizophrenia).

I have explained it to them and I have tried my best to convince them. I even told them that there are health centres where people go for water fasting retreats to cure their diseases like the TrueNorth Health Center in America and another one in Germany and many others all over the world.

Should I go ahead and do it as the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) wants us to do what will benefit us or should I obey my parents and live with this incurable diseases?

Need to marry

Q: I am a girl of 19 years of age. My parents are strongly against love marriages and I have tried my best to prove them that the guy I like is not bad. I made his father talk to my father and then my father told him that he will meet him but he still hasn't met him. On discussing this with my mom she got furious and starting cursing me and said that its the boys family who should make a move and not us. I just said that baba told them that he would go and meet them and why do you say this now. They are so against it that they give me only two options that either i should continue with my studies or the boy should get married. I have m y own dreams and plans that i want to accomplish before getting married i just can't go and get married to a 21 year old boy who is a student himself yet. I don't say that i am not wrong but what happened i can not undo it i am emotionally attached to him now i don't say that they should just let me talk to a na mehram but at least make it simple for me. i just wanted to ask am i that wrong? They don't talk to me now. Am i such a bad child? Is liking a person that bad? I've tried talking to mama but she doesn't understand me after a sentence or two she would start cursing me and saying that she regrets having me as her daughter.none of my parents understand me and i don't know who else to talk to about it. my parents won't listen to me why would anyone else. i just want to know that am i that wrong to completely abandon myself from this family. Wasn't i a part of it once? And just because i started to like someone they will neglect me and curse me and not talk to me ?

Marital problems

Q: I’m from Pakistan. I got married last year with my cousins daughter who’s living in UK. From the time of engagement till wedding her family tried hard to manipulate me and my family over different family rules and culture. We did it what they wanted. But after marriage their demands became very high, but I didn’t said anything to them. Her family involvement became a irritating part for my and parents life. However, after 6 months of marriage they called me in UK on spouse visa, I bore every expected except near by myself but in sponsor letter my wife wrote that she has borne all expenses and will support me while my stay in UK, I ignored this as well just to keep peace in my relationship. On 20th June of this year I reached UK. It was very unexpected for me to bear my in laws and my wife reaction when I arrived there. They were very proud that they have called me in UK and due to them I am there. After all the confusion created in my head they suddenly tried to cut of my communication with my parents and relatives in Pakistan. My wife also took my passport and other documents from me and the money I brought there from Pakistan. According to my senses she was doing all of this on her parents command but I didn’t accused her for this just for the sake of our relationship. Their behaviour was getting worst day by day. I started working there in an organisation, at that point my wife and her family pressurised me to open a joint account with my wife, there were a lot arguments between us on this issue but at the end I decided to compromise just for the sake of my relationship. Then they tried to cut off my contact with my parents, I didn’t bothered about these issue as I thought these are common issues in every relationship. But our arguments getting worst and worst, her parents and family were supporting her continually. They also blamed me and my parents for every issue. That’s the point I decided to stand up against them to stop verbal abuse against my mother and father. Her parents played a very negative role in these issues but nothing can be done to stop them, I was alone fighting against 10 of them. At the very end of our journey in UK her father abused my mother, father, brother, Bhabi, and me as well. And then I decided to tell everything to my parents to resolve these issues but there was nothing that can be resolved , her parents were not compromising over anything, in their perspective they wanted my to follow them no matter what. As a Muslim I can’t do that, simply. After days, They started to torture me mentally and most of the days they left me home without food, they also see my phone to ensure that I’m not taking to my parents. My wife installed a voice recording device in house to record my voice when I’m irritated and angry. On 24th of November my wife and my father in law decided to take me back in Pakistan to resolve the issues with my father. They took me here in their possessions and dropped me in front of my house and drove away without talking to me or my parents, after one day my father in law called my father to come at their place to talk about issues, i stoped my father to go there because of their behaviour. My father in law was threatening me and my family that he will destroy us, he has told his bouncers they are waiting for his command, this was happening since I was in UK, only for this reason I stopped my father to go there and invite them here or elsewhere. Now they have left me here in Pakistan and both of them my wife and father in law have gone back to UK without resolving anything. My passport and other documents are in their possession. My money whhich almost 10 lakh is in their possession. And now they want to get divorce, which I can’t. I love her and I want to spend my life with her. It’s my loyalty and honesty and the fear of Allah that I’m still want to spend my life with her. My question for you: is there any possibility or something I can do to save my relationship. My mind is blocked and i can’t decide what should I do. Can you please guid me, in this issue. Thank you