Advice

Applying for a bursary

Q: Will applying for a busary be regarded as a form of begging? I am unemployed but not disadvantaged or financially needy. The busary will be given based mainly on my academic performance. The busary may be paid back voluntarily - I will not be obligated in any way.

Marital problems

Q: A married woman with 3 chidren (7, 6, 2 years) has been cheating her husband and was in contact with unknown men for the last 6 years through internet facebook, whats app etc. She posted her pictures on facebook with makeup and even semi nude pictures in body fitness workout dress. Finally she committed zina after inviting one of the men to her home at the time her husband was at work. She repeated the zina at least once. She does not seem to be repentful. She used to lie, cheat, tell others that her husband is cruel. From clear “qaraa’in” she stole cash whenever she could. She used to spend hours and hours on internet and would go to her neighbours and spend time there chatting on internet and will then leave to cook food and will leave her home unattended. With all this, and her written confession of zina. Now her husband has cancelled her visa and has sent her back to her parents. Children were happy on her leaving because of her bad behaviour. She was so cruel she used to order the six year old son to iron the clothes though a maid would come for five days a week.

Now the questions:

1) is it jaiz that the husband and close relatives explain to children that the mother is not good has bad habits and not suitable for them to get together. If not done so, the children when become a little older will fight with the father with sympathy for the mother.

2) Is it jaiz to tell people when they ask about her that she committed zina and other bad things. Otherwise people have all the sympathy for the woman and blame husband

Marital problems

Q:

My husband and I have been having major difficulties in our marriage for a number of reasons for the last year. However last week we had a terrible fight. In this fight he told me that I must F... Off. I have been advised that this counts a one Talaq. Is this the case?

My 2nd questions is that my husband is impotent. I have asked him many times to seek medical assistance as this has been going on for many years. He however says that he is scared and doesn't want to go. To be honest this is a major source of unhappiness for me and a major contributing factor as to why we cannot overcome our difficulties. We no longer have a connection. I feel terrible resentment towards him for not even as least attempting to get help. When we have our fights and I say I am leaving he always says he is going to commit suicide and I get scared and decide not to leave. But this is now affecting my health and I feel oppressed and don't know which direction to go. What are my rights regarding this.

Attending an engagement party

Q: My husband and I always disagree on the topic of going to someone's engagement. I believe it is wrong because an engagement has no basis in Islam, it is not a Nikaah or anything, but my husband says it doesn't matter if it is an engagement, it is an invitation so we have to go even if it is wrong. Is it okay to go? Where does it ever say that an engagement is ok to have and to go to?

Parents not getting daughter married

Q: I belong to a pakistani family. I am 29 years old my parents are not thinking about my marriage as i am a girl they should think about me but unfortunaltely they keep ignoring this main issue even though if any proposal comes they just ignore ,as a single girl sometimes it is very hard for me to control eveything how can i tell my parents that i also want to get married and wanted to live my life with my husband, i know parents are a blessing but they should also think about my marriage and my parents dont talk to each other literally .

Wife cheating on husband

Q: I am a doctor by profession and the only son of my parents. Currently I am working abroad. I am married and I have one son also. After my marriage ,once I saw one tablet called "VIAGRA" that is used for prolonged sexual desire in a book of my wife who is also my first cousin. I inquired from her and informed my parents and her parents and they just told me that "some of her class mates must have put this tablet in her book". I am a doctor myself but because of my parents I ignored it. She was going to college even after marriage. In those days I was working 350 km away from my hometown and was going there 2-3 days in a week and 3 days I was at home. One day I received a call from some unknown person. He said to me "your wife is coming to college in the college van but she is not going to college. Please brother take care". I went to her collage and inquired from the principal whether my wife was present in college in the last few days. He confirmed that "she was absent for the last 7 days". I informed my parents as well as her parents but they told me not to tell anyone otherwise it will be a stigma for our family etc. Anyhow I compromized again. After that incident, one night she ran away from my home and I caught her mobile phone with all the private chats with some fellow. The next morning she came to her parents home and demanded her mobile phone to contact her boyfriend. Even then, because of insistance of my mother, I lived with her. Allah gave me a beautiful son, Alhamdolilah. The same year I got a visa for Maldives and I am working here. I kept my wife in Maldives while she was pregnant as my mother was insisting to keep her along with me even though I was not interested because of all these things.

In short, my kid and my wife were living with me here in Maldives and I forgot all the previous things. But again I caught her with a Christian fellow who is a teacher and living near my quarters. I got all the proofs also that they were having sexual relationship with each other from their chat. He wrote "do u remember that night u were creating sounds and we did sex in different positions etc". After this incident, I sent her safely to Pakistan and did'nt talk to her nor kept any kind of relationship with her even though she was living in my home. When I went for vacation for 14 days, I was sleeping in another room. Again my parents are insisting that live with the girl but I dont want to.

One more thing "She never ever accepted her mistake even after getting caught by me".

Secondly, alhamdolilah I didn't commit any zina or kept any sort of relationship with any other female. From her chats I've come to know that because of her family she is living with me otherwise she doesn't want to live with me. What reply should I give my parents. If I say that I don't want to live with her, they will not feel good. What should I do? 

Premarital relationship

Q: I love a guy and he even loves me. And our family knows eachother from a long time. We hadn't been involved in any haram actions. We wanted to begin with halal relationship. So he asked at his home about marrying me. But his family members denied as saying we don't like her. He is an orphan, he has a brother, sister, sister in law, brother in law, all of them refused. He tried alot. So we have done istekhara, still it's not overworking and his family said that if you marry her, then do not speak with us and there is lot of emotional blackmail. So he said he loves his family alot and as he doesn't have parents they are my world and he said no.

Meanwhile I got a rishta and that rishta is going smoothly without any hurdles. And my parents all others are happy except me. And the process has almost reached the end. The boy wants me to get married within 10 days. They are in a hurry and my parents too are in a hurry.

I would like to ask if the response of the first boy negative because since this rishta has been sent, everything is going smoothly and almost everything is final now. Can I still pray to Allah to make me the first boys life partner since I love him alot.