Upbringing and Tarbiyah

Q: I intend making non animate toys for children. Will it be permissible to add a bell into the toy stuffing. This will give the rattle sound for baby toys.

Q: There is a seven year old girl in our family who has anger issues. When she is angry or upset about something she tends to scream and throw things and forgets whether she is talking to an adult, or other older family members or friends or whether she is in a public place. Its impossible to reason with her then. Also, she gets angry without any reason at times and switches very quickly from happy to angry and vice versa.

Please tell what should we do and what should we recite so that she calms down and becomes less angry and stubborn over time.

Q: My son is about to be 11 years old. My husband and I have started to observe the signs of puberty in him. My husband has decided to give him a talk about the respective topic including sex. The concern is my husband states that the mother of the child must be present whenever this talk is to take place so that if a child has any query regarding the topic concerning the role of a female, a mother is the best source to provide an answer with basic guidelines. In Islam, is the presence of mother a must with respect to above situation?

Q: The children of someone brought up with the teachings of religious duties upto reading the Holy Qur'an texts in Arabic and reading salaah only. Then they proceeded towards worldly education wholeheartedly. Now they are mature but don't perform ritual services punctually though parent advise them frequently.

Is it the false of parent ? What would be the condition of parent in the eye of Allah hereafter? Would the parent sanction punishment as if they didn't taught the children completely. What should they do now?

Q: Which parent has Islaam given the right of making the final decision in regards to the tarbiyat of the child? Which parent has the right to decide as to what the child may eat or not?

NB: Everything is within the sharia. There is no divorce.

Q: Is it permissible to let a baby sleep in his own room? The baby is 3 months. 

Q: A father said that he will admit their child in a madrasah, but the mother said that she will not admit their child in a madrasah. The mother respects Allah and Islam, she also wants the child to know about Islam and she wants to teach the child about Islam by an Islamic teacher. The father and mother then admitted their child in a school (not an Islamic school and not a madrasah) and appointed an Islamic teacher to teach their child how to pray salaah, read Quran, duas, Islamic characters, lifestyle, etc. so that child learns about islam. Is there any sin?

Q: In some cultures, nowadays, parents tend to hide or cover a hadith or some Islamic knowledge from their children. They say that it’s something you’ll need to know when you grow up – as in when you get married. Should children – after puberty, at least – not have full knowledge about Islam before marriage? For example, there are ahaadith relating to zina. There’s knowledge about sexual intercourse, about pregnancy, about masturbation, etc. which most children do not know about; unless they’re very curious and tend to look up themselves, which causes further sins, i.e pornography.

Children would not know that masturbation is haraam unless it’s told to them. Masturbation is so common during youth, and children are not aware of the fact that it’s haraam, or if you did it, you have to do ghusl prior to praying. Should a woman/man tell their children about sexual intercourse right before the day of marriage, as this would cause fear in the heart of a young girl just before marriage? I heard a father telling their daughters about this hadith but only up till كَذَا وَكَذَا i.e. he left out the last 2 words, كُلُّ عَيْنٍ زَانِيَةٌ وَالْمَرْأَةُ إِذَا اسْتَعْطَرَتْ فَمَرَّتْ بِالْمَجْلِسِ فَهِيَ كَذَا وَكَذَا يَعْنِي زَانِيَةً Was this right of him to do so?

Also, women don’t allow their children to read full Islamic books, written by great people, like Bahishti Zewar written by Ashraf Ali Thanwi (rahmatullahi 'alaihi). They just let them read what they think is important for the “kids” to know, and leave out the “adult” chapters, even in the daily Ta’leem. Parents are oblivious of the fact that children are aware of everything they are aware of. Since nowadays, kids learn everything from their Biology textbooks and that, too, in detail—Isn’t it better that parents give them that knowledge by letting them read Islamic books, or by informing them of various sins i.e. as in what’s adultery, etc.?

Q: I got two step sons. If I tell them it's time to pray then they get upset but they pray. If I don't tell them then they don't pray by themselves. If I chase them every time then my husband says to me to let them do the rest some other time because they are tired. What should I do? They are 11 and 14 years old.

Q: Someone told me that if parents don’t do proper upbringing of children they will be held accountable for it, but everyone is accountable for himself, how do I reconcile between that?

Also if parents are sinful if they don’t teach about a sin to a child and he does it, someone told me that parents won’t be sinful if they don’t directly guide the child to that particular sin, but they will be held accountable for not guiding them. Is it correct?