Upbringing and Tarbiyah

Q: In some cultures, nowadays, parents tend to hide or cover a hadith or some Islamic knowledge from their children. They say that it’s something you’ll need to know when you grow up – as in when you get married. Should children – after puberty, at least – not have full knowledge about Islam before marriage? For example, there are ahaadith relating to zina. There’s knowledge about sexual intercourse, about pregnancy, about masturbation, etc. which most children do not know about; unless they’re very curious and tend to look up themselves, which causes further sins, i.e pornography.

Children would not know that masturbation is haraam unless it’s told to them. Masturbation is so common during youth, and children are not aware of the fact that it’s haraam, or if you did it, you have to do ghusl prior to praying. Should a woman/man tell their children about sexual intercourse right before the day of marriage, as this would cause fear in the heart of a young girl just before marriage? I heard a father telling their daughters about this hadith but only up till كَذَا وَكَذَا i.e. he left out the last 2 words, كُلُّ عَيْنٍ زَانِيَةٌ وَالْمَرْأَةُ إِذَا اسْتَعْطَرَتْ فَمَرَّتْ بِالْمَجْلِسِ فَهِيَ كَذَا وَكَذَا يَعْنِي زَانِيَةً Was this right of him to do so?

Also, women don’t allow their children to read full Islamic books, written by great people, like Bahishti Zewar written by Ashraf Ali Thanwi (rahmatullahi 'alaihi). They just let them read what they think is important for the “kids” to know, and leave out the “adult” chapters, even in the daily Ta’leem. Parents are oblivious of the fact that children are aware of everything they are aware of. Since nowadays, kids learn everything from their Biology textbooks and that, too, in detail—Isn’t it better that parents give them that knowledge by letting them read Islamic books, or by informing them of various sins i.e. as in what’s adultery, etc.?

Q: I got two step sons. If I tell them it's time to pray then they get upset but they pray. If I don't tell them then they don't pray by themselves. If I chase them every time then my husband says to me to let them do the rest some other time because they are tired. What should I do? They are 11 and 14 years old.

Q: Someone told me that if parents don’t do proper upbringing of children they will be held accountable for it, but everyone is accountable for himself, how do I reconcile between that?

Also if parents are sinful if they don’t teach about a sin to a child and he does it, someone told me that parents won’t be sinful if they don’t directly guide the child to that particular sin, but they will be held accountable for not guiding them. Is it correct?

Q: If the parents fail to do proper upbringing of their children, like they fail to tell him that music is haram (but they did not guide him to listen to music), will they get the sin too if their child listens to music?

Q: Can we use toys with some kind of sound to stop a baby from crying?

Q: Is it permissible for parents to beat or scold their daughter after she gets married?

Q: My mother asked me to send my son to live with her. He is 1.5 years old. My wife says that she can't live without him. When I told my mother that my wife will look after him, my mother said that I dont trust her... What should I?

Q: My husband, three children and I live in a town where there are no proper mosques. I have been trying to convince him to move to a place where my children can regularly go to mosque and learn the Quraan. I have been trying for the past fifteen years but he refuses to move. I am very worried for my children as they are surrounded by non-muslim friends. My husband plans to take the children back home to visit every 2/3 years and says that they can pick up the culture from there. What does Islam say about this?

Q: I wanted to know what does shariah say about a girl riding bicycle? Because my small daughter is insisting to buy one.

Q: How can we inculcate Islamic values in our child (as a teacher or mother) and how do we preserve it in them?