marital problems

Q: I am a Muslim woman. My husband is a Muslim and drinks alcohol and I asked him to stop and he said no what do I do?

Q: I am married for 15 years with 3 kids. My husband takes care of us financially but he has been cheating on me. He drinks and stays with other women and abuses me physically and mentally. He does not want to divorce but wants me gone with kids. But otherwise he is very nice to everyone else, he helps people, donates for mosques, does charity. Does this make him a good person? What do I do? Please help me do the right thing. I have been tolerating him for the sake of my kids but i m distraugt inside.

Q: I have been going through a rough time in marriage (domestic abuse) from in laws and i didnt want to leave the house but had no choice but to do so as I was expecting and they had beated me while I was expecting. It's been 7 months, my husband has not seen our baby because he is saying I have taken his happiness away from me and my husbamd are good I love him a lot bit he just cant support me. I got istikhara done by someone and it came out as surah rehman ...could you tell me what this means also could you do dua for me that me and inkaws hublsband work it out as i dont want to leave him.....also could you tell me a piwerful dua to read as i want him to come to me ....and everything gets sorted out.

Q: I have a queestion regarding the responsibility of my wife towards her father.

Her father remarried after my wifes mother passed away, while my wife was almost 15. His second wife (my wifes step mother) told her father to choose her or his daughter. So her father chose his second wife. And my wife left her fathers house and went to live with her aunt. Since the age of 15 till the age of almost 30. Her father did not contact her, and my wife managed on her own doing jobs and got her education from the university.

When her father got sick then he sought her out again and has been taking money from her since then. From the age of 15 till now her father has not supported her in any way. She had been supporting her father her ex husband and her three children single handedly. Since she is now married to me, i also send monthly money and she still does job.

Her father sold the family house, which was built jointly by my wifes mother and him But her father knowing her condition still did not care about it, and did not give her anything. Instead he bought a house in another city. which is far. He has been giving away the money which he takes from her regularly. I cannot state all the condition here because it will get long.

In short, her father is not shortage of money which he has. But instead of giving her, he just gives it away and also demands money from her and gives that away too. He is now demanding her to come to his city every month, knowing very well, she had children to take care off. He also demands from her to take divorce from me, because i work abroad.

I would like to emphasize his permission as wali was taken before marriage and he knew i would work abroad. I would like to ask can i forbid my wife not to give him any money and not to go to his city. Because my wife also acknowledges he has money. Her father has family in that city plus his wife.

Q: I bear witness in the court of Allah that everything in this email is the truth not fabricated and not exaggerated.

My husband and i have had a very stormy marriage from the beggining . He suffers from OCD. And atm his refusing to get help for it which is making my life unbearable. Recently he raised his hand very severely on my son .(because of his frustration . My son is 2 ) Wallahi i was about to lay a charge against him the only thing held me back was that my daughter is very attached to her father & that he would taint the reputation of my father in law.

This man smokes in the house . Does not pray salah . NEVER MAKES IT FOR JUMMAH NEVER!!! stays up till the odd hours of the morning watching t.v. swears infront my kids . And the list can go on. Furthermore i am not allowed to tell anyone of his family members that he does not go for jummah. The last time i called his father so we could help him together he gave me a 2nd talaaq and he told my father to take me and f off from his home .

He told me he will use every cent of his to fight me in court and get full custody of the kids .He obviously thinks because his wealthy he can do anything . May Allah open his eyes to reality . He Forgets Allah is above all. And his situation can turn very quickly .

I begged him and time & again to stop swearing read salah .i would say that Allah is watching u stop . Remember the azaab in the qabr . U bringing up your children with rotten habbits .. everything went to deaf ears. Yes i have weaknesses & yes i have my own faults but they are little which he only notices because of his ocd .

I begged him to write me a list and tell me what am i doing wrong . Where can i improve . He gave me a list via the marriage counsellor and i swear By Allah that i have tried to stop doing anything that annoys him . But now im left with a little problem. Now that i stopped doing things he doesnt like . I have to play happy couple infront of his family so nobody suspects anything and nobodys asks questions . All the issues are swept under the carpet .

Its funny how people forget they have daughters to and that one day they going to get married إن شاء الله . Let us act how we would if this would be happening to one of our own daughters . May Allah swt forbid this ever happening to anyone of them as i truly love them as my own family and they are far to kind and caring. He is one rotten egg in the entire family that does not make them All bad. MAY ALLAH SAFEGUARD EACH AND EVERY CHILD.

We did a 6 months separation and the main problem was my daughter . He wanted her all the time and because his mentally unstable i didnt want her to be alone with him.i did however say and again i swear by Allah that this is the truth come whenever u want to spend time with her here(my parents home) . He got his elder brother to phone my father a few times and that really stressed my parents out . He doesnt want family involved . He doesnt want to go to a marriage counsellor and i am 2 months pregnant . I leave for my parents home today .

If mufti could please advise me the way forward . I asked a very senior learned ulema when is the most powerful time to make dua . And his words to me wer sister you are pregnant you are oppressed your duas will reach the heavens surely.

Every single time he oppressed me i forgave him and more than that i sat on the muasallah and asked my rabb to forgive him aswell . Today i pray that Allah brings justice to everyone that lied to me on his behalf and him as well .

Also i just found out my father does not want me to return home . I do not have anywer to go . My parents are well known in the community perhaps they afraid of backlash from community memebers . . Perhaps they see me and 2 children one unborn child as a burden .

Q: Its been years since I have been following you and it feels great to see the way you are serving in the way of Allah. May Allah Grant you more strength and make you flawless.

The time has come for me to seek personal guidance from you, that's the reason im here writing to you today. I'll try to get the clear picture of my story so that you can help me take my decisions. I'm 28 years old right now, I got into a relationship in June 2013 with this girl and the girl I got into relationship was already in a relationship but as she was my University mate and friend I naturally had a caring gesture towards her, she used to tell me at that time that she was not happy with that guy although she was in relationship with him for 7 years. Being aware of everything I cared for her and naturally fell in love with her and tried to help her get out of that relationship. I helped her getting out of that 7 year old relationship even I knew they were physically active for 7 years (they were frequently having sex for 7 years), but I had pure feelings for her and resisted everything for her love and I got engaged to her in Dec 2013, it was after a great struggle as her parents were aware of her previous 7 year relationship and was not willing to get her engaged that soon however we got married last year August 2016. (I'm trying to keep short as possible).

There are always ups and downs in every husband & wife relationship, I trusted her more than myself cause the gesture she showed since beginning made me trust her more, recently I clearly got to know that she again got into a relationship with this guy since June 2016 or may be earlier where she worked and is still working (we got married in August 2016) in the beginning I once noticed and told her that this guy is trying to approach you in a bad way so stay away from him but she still went on talking to this guy and they are in relationship till now, they are physically in contact since the begining (it's been almost 1.5 years) and they have spent time with each other in every possible way, they have spend time and had sex with each other before and after our marriage and my wife has expressed her feeling to this guy several times that she is not happy with me and want to leave me and they even planned how would it be done, and the guy has always supported her. I have always been noticing strange connection between my wife and this guy since months and when I used to ask her she always refused that she is not talking to him or she has no connection with him and I always trusted her and asked no further questions for the sake of respect.

Afterall I have come to know my wife has feelings for this man and at this point when last week I got to know everything she tells me that she has committed a great sin and has no feelings for him (she still has feelings for him that I know) but refuses in front of me so that I may not leave her, cause she knows the consequences she would face as we are connected to each other in so many different ways, it be family, professionally and friend circle too. (Because we were collegues at the University too).

My wife met this guy till last week and I know everything they did. I did istakhara to confirm my wife and this guy's relationship status. She has confessed in front of me getting sexually active and had intercourse with this guy and she still refuses that she has no feelings for this guy although I know she still has.

At this point i still have not left her caus I care for her and she's going mad these days because she know that I'll leave her, I can not bear this. I have doubts over my love cause she got into relationship with me leaving a 7 years old relationship telling me she was not happy and now she ended telling another guy that she is not happy with her husband (me) and wants to leave me making me think that she also had no issues with her 7 year old relationship and she only came to me on the basis of lust and desire.

Im in a very difficult position I have no clue and I have no reason left to trust her anymore I don't want to make things difficult for myself and for her anymore, I have started feeling sick since last week I have severe pain around my left chest, simple I can't bear it anymore.

Please help me getting out of this situation. I have started praying 5 times a day to seek Allah's guidance but I'm stuck with the dead mind and can't take a sensible decision. I don't want to live with her anymore i feel disrespected, betrayed and dead. Please help me over this issue, I'm unable to take decisions and need some guidance in the name of Allah.

Q: Im a married 22 year old girl. I recently got married in March, and only did the nikkah. (No ruksati). My husband was supposed to apply for my USA immigration however, he told me that due to some paper work he will not be able to apply before our official ruksati which was in January 2018. After which it would have me wait for another 12 months to get the visa and unite with him. The miscalculation was on part of my in-laws as they did not research about the immigration laws before coming for nikkah.

Long story short, me and my husband started to have fights over the phone on minor issues which meant nothing to me, he insisted I lose weight for him and fought me tirelessly to hit the gym, then he fought me over the fact that he needed a working woman. Note that this was not a requirement before nikkah. He got fed up of me and started to hate me calling him often. I was really upset about my immigrartion as I had to wait long to unite with him. I insisted that he came to meet me and get ruksati done sooner which he declined. He fought with me on the fact that i demanded his time, and cried when i asked him to sleep 10 minutes later. He fought me to leave him alone when he was angry with me, but i used to keep begging him for forgiveness and for him to be fine with me.

I only really missed him and was quite sad that my reunion with my husband was so far away even though before Nikkah my in-laws told me that after january i would be going to USA with him. Shortly during the fights, my husbands father intervened and emailed my dad that I have been irritating my husband and giving him a tough time. his father exclaimed that the children have major issues between them, however he also stated that he cannot find the real big reason for the fights. (as they mainly revolved around me asking for his time and attention) However, once my husband yelled at me for no reason and called his father and told him he is unhappy with me. (the reason he called was because I asked my husband repeatedly if he was doing okay as he was upset because he had a bad day at work) After that call, my hsubands father sent en email to my father asking for divorce and said that this is his final decision and he thinks our personalities dont match and that after ruksati we will most likely be unhappy. upon confronting my husband he was still confused about leaving me or not.

He took 3 weeks to decide and kept telling me we will be unhappy. i begged him to not leave me as i love him and all couples fight due to time issues as we had 13 hour time gap. I told him i only asked for his time as he was at work or with friends and unable to call me or text me for the whole of day. HE told me that i annoyed the hell out of him and that he asked me for space but did not give him. Now its too late to do so. I begged and begged, and I asked that he meets me in my country before doing it, he denied everything. he also isnt giving me the talaaq on the phone.

My question to you is , am i at fault? is this reason suffiecient before Allah to divorce me? I asked him to reconcile so many times and i told him i wont bug him as much. do you think he is hurting me? I told him that for Allah's sake reconcile with me as Allah does not like divorce on small issues, he told me that he wont stay with me for Allah. please tell is he on the wrong? or can he divorce me for any reason and Allah will forgive it?

Q: I need your advice to how to continue my life further. I am the father of two children, the elder is 5 and younger is 4 and am married since 2011 (6 years) and currently, we are living abroad in UAE as an expat together.

Two weeks before me and my wife had a misunderstanding which led to a fight between us, we haven’t talked for 4 days, and even I haven’t had any food with her and after clearing the misunderstanding then we again had good days, unfortunately I have seen some chats on her mobile which lead to doubt her. Then I came to know she has been calling, chatting and even video calling her lover from her home town in India. When I asked her about this she initially didn’t agree, then I started checking all her emails, facebook, mobile, Whatsapp, chat history etc. I came to know they were having a relationship even before our marriage and they had gone together to many places in his car any had done kisses and been in a relationship. She already confessed to me that they were having a relationship and they were calling and chatting with me and my children sleep, whenever I am not at home during my work and even during her vacation in my absence.

The last conversation of my wife was calling him to come to our home at UAE while he is coming to UAE in this month from India knowing that I am going to work for few days abroad, which really put me in a depression. I never doubted my wife in my whole life that she will do such things to me. I need to say that I was not a perfect person before my marriage, I consumed alcohol (few times) and I've been in another relationship with a lady (only for few months) but after my marriage, I was a perfect husband and a perfect father to my children in our married life.

I reiterate that I never been in a wrong since I was very truthful, caring and doing all the things to fulfill my needs of my family. Now I don’t know what I have to do; she is saying that she won’t continue the relationship and won’t repeat it again. But I don’t know whether I can trust her again since she broke my trust.

Moreover, I don’t want to lose my children since they are everything to me and even I am living for them. Please give a best solution/answer following the sharia law though I can follow.

Q: Me and my husband are married for 2 years and I'm still living in my moms house. My husbands family doesn't know we are married. He is really affraid to tell them. He tells me they might throw him out of the house and never talk to him. But I don't feel this way, I feel they might force him to leave me. But also my husband is not that good, he's relationship with my family is really bad. Sometimes I feel it's because we are far away. We can't see each other due to his family. Even if I go see him I have to stay in a hotel without him and he goes home. I feel he is not taking me seriously. My school is not done yet and he told me that once your schooling is completed we will move out. But I guess my school will finish really late. So I dont know why he's saying all that. I just want to live with him happily and have kids. But he never talks about starting a new life. Can you please give me any wazifa to have a better married life and so my husband could take me as soon as possible.