advice

Q: I would please appreciate some advice on some issues I have been having with in laws. I am married for 6 years. Alhamdulillah my husband and I are happy. We have been blessed with 2 beautiful children. We live opposite my in laws. Allah has blessed us with a comfortable house perfect for us.

I have 2-sister in laws, one divorced with a child and one unmarried still living with my in laws. It seems ever since we moved in opposite, its been a big competition. From what I have in the house to the way I dress to everything I do. They feel the need to out do me and be better. I really did not let it bother me at first. It is not so much my mother in law and father In law but more so the 2 big daughters still living at home that seem to have a big influence on everyone and they try to turn everyone against me.

I noticed recently that my mother in law is begging me to despite me and I don't feel comfortable being around them. I was never able to work with my mother in law in the kitchen because of the 2 sisters still living there. They did not give me a chance and always worked against me and not with me. So I do everything in my home and my space. Almost as if they jealous of me. Which makes me sad. But I know Allah helps me get through. I don't talk to my husband about it as it just causes unnecessary problems.

I just wanted some advice or duas for me to be able to deal with this situation as it is stealing my peace of mind. Any other advice for me would be much appreciatted. What is the islamic view on this. The women is the queen of her home and everyday I just try the best I can. Also what is the duty of daughter in law in terms of Islam.

Q: I want to ask if a man embraced Islam for almost 13 years and his wife also and children embraced but his wife and children don't want to perform salah and other obligations of a Islam. His childrena ages are 20 years and above. What should he do? Is it right to divorce her?

Q: My mother is a drug addict and has been one since I was 15 and now I am 28. I am a married woman and my husband and I have tried to help her by letting her stay by us a few times but she stole money twice and recently she came to live by us and was fine for a while. She even started hifz but then left again to live by another man and now she wants to come back to live here because the man beats her up. My husband just keeps quiet but I know deep down he is not happy with it. She is crying on the phone alot but I told her my husband can't pick her up so late in the night we live far. She said that she will see where she is going to sleep for the night. I am starting to buy her monthly groceries from my allowance but now she wants to come and live back here. What should I do, I am totally lost.

Q: I have my friend from France and he asked me this question:

His father was a Catholic before, and now he's a Muslim. When his father was a Catholic, he was a good leader to them but when he became a Muslim, he is always angry at them even though they don't do bad things. My friend said that he always crys because before they were happy and full of love but now his father is always mad at their mom. Their mom is always getting hurt by him. My friend wants to know if this has anything to do with Islam?

Q: I have a very embarrassing question but I can't handle it anymore. The thing is that I am in my twenties, I don't masturbate or speak to any guys but I toss and turn at night. Unable to sleep because of my insane sexual desires that are now eating me alive. I will never masturbate but I can't handle this. It's too frustrating. I want to scream in pain and I just know that the advice everybody will give is try to get married but it's not in my control at all. If Allah Ta'ala isn't willing for me to be married right now, if He hasn't sent anybody my way for me to be married to then how can I?

Q: I have been married for a year now. 6 months into my marriage I found out that my husband had been cheating on me. He was involved with a girl even before we got married and he continued that unlawful relationship throughout my marriage with him. When I found out, I didn't have the courage to tell him I knew, so I indirectly told him to get rid of the girl to which he agreed. That didn't happen. He continued lying to me and having relations with that girl. Finally, after giving him a chance to fix things, a month ago I confronted him. I told him I knew he was involved with another girl and that what he is doing is completely wrong. I asked him what he wanted and he told me that he wants to continue our marriage and wants me to give him another chance. So I did, for the sake of Allah. He said he broke all ties with her. Atleast infront of me he did. I knew he was broken up because he loved that girl and I know he doesn't love me. The problem is, we aren't too close to eachother. He doesn't ever tell me what's wrong with him if something is bothering him. He suffers from anxiety and depression and tends to isolate himself from the world. I feel like he and I have alot of distance between us. We have not emotionally bonded due to which sometimes I feel like I am living with a man that is fulfilling his duties unto me but there is no emotional connection between us. I know it will take him time to get over that girl but it tears me apart. I will never know if he has truly stopped talking to her. He uploads random depressing posts and statuses from time to time and I cant help but think that they all are referring to that girl! How am I supposed to trust him after that betrayal? He has been trying to fix things ever since I confronted him, but I don't really know if he has actually let go of that girl. Its been a month now and at times my heart still feels very uneasy. I sometimes feel like he contacted her again but i will never know the truth. Yesterday he posted something about letting go and giving up on someone you love and his status said 'I hope you find a love that you dont have to question'. What does all of that mean? I feel like he is sending that message out to his gf! I dont know what to do! I tend to get so miserable. How am I supposed to spend my life with a man that does not love me? How am I supposed to trust him after all those lies? What should I do to improve my marriage? My heart hurts so much. I sometimes wish I never met him. And now I'm in love with him and I don't want to let him go. But I also can't continue to live like this.

Q: I dont know how to start but I just want to talk about cancer which my mom is suffering from. We just came from the doctor and he said that the cancer has spread and has no cure. My mother is a very good person. I dont know how to explain to you but what do I do about this disease? The doctor said that she will never be fine. Can you advise me the best on what to do? I do pray alot and I have hope in Allah Ta'ala.

Q: My elder sister invited me to her daughter's wedding. I told her that after reading Behashti Zewar by Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi, I have decided not to go to weddings especially those which are arranged in marriage halls. She got really offended by hearing this. Later on, my brother in law contacted Ulama in Dubai and Pakistan and they gave him a fatwa that women attending the wedding is permissible provided there is segregation of males and females, no photography or music. They contacted Ahmed Mian Thanvi in Lahore and asked him to perform the nikah. By his presence they made me sure that it is permissible. Bahishti zewar is not like Quran, it could be tempered with or it does not stand applicable for today. They said that I am severing relationships and I am being an extremist whereas Islam is a Deen of moderation. My sister stopped contacting me and started evading me. My other brother and sister also got offended with me.

What am I supposed to do now. I am also very much hurt. They say that why do you contact Ulama in South Africa when we have so many Ulama in Pakistan and Dubai. Why are you following a tareeq so queer and strange. They believe that I have become deviant. If I remain quiet and do not contact my sister will I be accountable for severing the relationship?

Q: Is it allowed to tell someone your problems? I have been struggling from depression and anxiety kind of stuff. I didn't tell anybody about it so it got worse. I know alhamdullila, that only Allah can cure this and get me out of this but can I tell someone like sharing with someone and is it allowed to tell an Aalim of Deen about your problems as I faced problems and I didn't tell anyone about it so it got worse.