advice

Husband involved in a haraam relationship

Q: My question to you is what can I do to help myself? My husband is having an extramarital affair. He doesn't choose to stop. I've asked him many times. The girl is also married waiting on a divorce. Her family knows but nobody wishes to do anything. My husband wants me to overlook it. He behaves nicely with me and says I shouldn't worry what he does outside the home. I don't find this to be right. I've waited a whole year, and am patiently praying for his hidayat. I feel like I've lost this battle. What should I do?

Cursing one's sister

Q: My sister has been giving me and my mother a real though time and I can't stand her anymore. Nor do I have any love or care for her. Her deeds are such that I often curse her. Is it incorrect that I am cursing someone? After doing my wudu, I had cursed her badly in my heart and performed my prayer is my prayer valid and does cursing invalidates the wudu?

Remaining firm on the Sunnah

Q:

1. There is a person who strictly adheres to the Shariat as much as he can. He is very punctual with salaah, quran recitation, zikr and azkaar and wazifas. This person is the only deobandi in his entire family because of which he is facing a lot of hardships and problems from his parents itself. That person doesn't engages or participates in biddat and unislamic shameless customs of his family because of which he is being scorned and rebuked to the limit. That person is still steadfast and doesn't wants to compromise in any of the sunnah he does but few days ago an Imam of a certain masjid who is an alim of Darul Uloom Deoband (as he claims to be) says that as that person's parents are being offended because of him wearing the sunnat libaas (attire), kurta pyajama, imamah; he should cease adorning it. And he also claims that this sunnat libaas isn't a necessary deal to be steadfast on. The person who is facing hardships from his family is Alhumdulilah has sukoon e qalb inspite of all this but the recent incident of the alim who is separating the identity of a muslim (his attire) from the core of deen has confused him. As this claim of the alim has reached that person's parents they have now become more adamant of their notion that their son is an EXTREMIST. Please enlighten that certain individual with some soothing advises.

2. As that person has been brought up in a very vile environment and also has had corrupted aqedaahs and practices instilled in his life and now
alhumdulilah he is a Hanafi-Deobandi by the virtue of Maulana Ilyas Ghuman damat barkatahum's lectures, he now wants to become an alim in order to study deen and practice upon it wholly as he still fears about having deviant aqeedahs and practices in him. He wants to enroll in Darul Uloom Dewsbury from next year and he will be leaving behind parents who are financially very stable, servants can fetch them groceries and other goods, members of the joint-family can look after them khuda na khasta if they fall ill, will it be permissible for this person to leave behind parents and travel abroad? Will it be permissible for that person who very calmly and respectfully opposes his parents, who doesn't want him to even sport a beard, and the join the madarsa? The person mentioned over here really really craves for gaining ilm and studying the deen just as a traveler craves for his wife he left behind. But the alim says that as your parents detests all of this you should  clear all of this from your mind.

3. That person has protected his gaze throughout his youth and has been away from immodest acts by the Grace of Allah SWT. As he is 20 years old and is being bullied by stray vile thoughts he is finding it difficult to control his gaze and fears he may venture into the pit of activities or acts which incurs Allah's anger and wrath. To remedy this, he is planning to get married by next year and this act of marriage will shatter his family's custom of getting married only by the age of 27-30 years. That person has planned to find a spouse who is an Alimah and introduce her parents and her to his family and proceed with nikah even if they oppose him. That person doesn't want to engage in a secret nikah and he will be announcing and making it known to all of his family members and proceed with the marriage in spite of their opposition. Will it permissible for that youth who wishes to get married solely to protect himself from zina as he is having a very hard time keeping his nafs at bay. Will it be permissible to get married in this way?

Family problems

Q: I need guidance on what takes priority and precedence in terms of my dilemma. I live in a small town that is Islamic conscious and a very good environment for my children. Drugs and bad habits are minimal and less accessible than the big city that I come from. Spiritually living in this town is also far more uplifting and one is more conscious of Allah. My problem is my father passed away and my mum and sister are now putting pressure on me to move back home to the city. Drugs and the environment are a problem. There is also always family politics and Ill feelings of which I am not a part of don't want to be apart of as I prefer to stay neutral and out of everyone else's business. My mum and sister are making me feel guilty in order to get me to move back there. My mum is more than welcome to come and live with me but says she doesn't want to move away from her family. I feel that they expect me to risk and sacrifice my family and life and the upbringing I want for my children for their convenience. I have explained that I don't want to move and my reasons but it falls on deaf ears as they only seem to want to make things better for them. In Islam in know the importance of my mother and I feel guilty but want the best for my kids and spiritually for myself, my husband and kids. What would be the right thing to do Islamically? Am I supposed to risk my kids and my strong spiritual grounding where I live to accommodate my mother?

Is it necessary for the husband to tell the wife "I love you"?

Q: A wife wants a husband to let her know that he loves her. But the husband says that you can feel my love in my actions,there's no need to say it in words. Words are meaningless. My question is, is it right for the husband to say that? Because the wife has been upset after that because the husband doesn't utter and express his love in words. The wife doesn't know what's the problem to say I love you to her.

Choosing a life partner

Q: During the passed month of Ramadhaan, I engaged myself in dua few minutes before iftaar time. I asked Allah for indication for a suitable spouse, immediately after terminating the dua, my parents mentioned a girl to me. Should I accept this as an answer? What would be a permissible means to initiate a marriage proposal. It is to be noted that I do not know who this girl is. I have met her father a couple of times before, but just in passing.

Khaawind ke jhagre me ne parna

Q: Mere shaadi ko 20 saal ho gaye 2 bachhe hain. Hum deendar hain mere shohar tagleegh me bahut saal se hain, fazail-e-amaal ki taaleem bhi ghar me hoti hai. Hum hamesha haalaton me mubtila rehte hain kahin na kahin isi wajah se mere shohar mere parents se hamesha naraaz rehte hain jabke mere parents ke bahut ahsanat hum par bahut hai. Din ba din mere shohar bahut saqt hote ja rahe hain mere parents se baat bhi nahi karte phir bhi wo mujh se milne aate hain to bhi baat nahi karte wo khud bahut samajhdar hai phir bhi main bahut samjhaati hoon wo kabhi kabhi mujhe bhi un se jhagadne ke liye uksaate hain. Mere shohar ke harkaton se mere parents mujh se naraaz rehte hain. Main dono ke beech kuch bhi theek nahi kar sakti sirf Allah se ummeed lagaye hoon. Aajkal mere shohar mujh se bhi naraaz rehte hain hum log hamesha pareshani me rehte hain Allah ki aazmaishon se hamesha ghire rehte hain lekin mere parents achchi haalat me hai shaayad isi wajah se mere shohar pareshaan rehte hain in wajahon se main aajkal mentally bahut disturbed hoon main ne mere shohar ke liye bahut qurbaniyan dee hain. Phir bhi wo mujhe gair samajhte hain un ko samajhana kisi ke bas me nahi Allah hi unko samajh de sakta hai mujhe koi aisi dua bataayiye jis se main apne shohar ka dil naram kar sakoon. Mera doosra masla ye hai ki mere father ki property ghar estate sab mila ke dedh crore ki hai hum do behne aur ek bhai hai hum 3 bhi settled hain. Mere father property share karna chaahte hain mere parents bhai ke saath hai to mera kya hissa unke property me hoga? Agar mere father shariyat ke mutaabik nahi diya to kya main demand kar sakti hoon? Ya un ke ahsanat ki wajah se chup rahoon? kya mere shohar mujhe property lene se mana kar sakte hain ya nahi agar mana kare to kya main un ke marzi ke khilaf ja kar mera haq samajh kar le sakti hoon? Mujhe in sawaalon ke jawab chaahiye mufti saahab shaayad mere liye Allah se madad aapke zariye se mile Allah aapko hamesha achchi sehat aur lambi hayaati ataa kare.