Marital Issues

Q: I need advice please. I'm going through a very tough time in my marriage. Its only been 3 years and I can no longer do this anymore. Please advice me whether I'm in the wrong or do I have the right to let this end please.

Its totally unacceptable for my husband to treat me this way. What kind man tells his wife dress up like a white women and behave like them. He pressurizes me to wear tight clothing and low tops to show cleavage. When I say no he swears me and tells me I'm old and boring yet I dress up in my home for him.

He searches other women on the internet, he looks around from head to toe at all those women that wear totally revealing clothes and still tells my parents I'm insecure!

His been on an escort site. I haven't even mentioned it to my parents because my mother seems to be on his side. He so fast to message my mother telling her how I'm behaving with regards to other women and how insecure I am. And all she says is when I find a job I'll understand and be more open minded. How is that being open minded? I can't be in this marriage anymore. The amount of things he does made me loose respect of him and makes me lash out at him. Is there any proof that says paying mehr money makes me his prostitute? I give up.

I have no one to rely on. I can't seem to speak to my mother about this because she listens and does nothing about it. Therefore my husband laughs at me telling me my parents don't speak up because they afraid his going to divorce me and then I'm their burden again. He keeps doing this and tells me sweep it under the carpet, its the past. So everytime he messes up I must forgive and just let it go? What's the point of marriage then if he says his allowed to do whatever he wills and I have no right whatsoever to complain.

Every single time he says I must let him look around and if he does I must be quiet I mustn't open my mouth. He says we young we must enjoy life we will be more happier if I just don't bother. Is he right? Please advise me on what I need to do.

Q: I am 25 years old married having a 2 year old baby girl. I am from Iran (sunni-hanafi) but was born and brought up in Dubai. I was guiltly trapped into marriage thou I did not like my husband. I have a 10 years gap with my husband and we both are very different. I grew up in a religious family and his family is so fancy. Hence, he never liked me and even I couldn't feel any love towards him because he is so proud, always so angry and talks meanly. He does not like me to visit my relatives or go shopping he just wants me to stay home. He always makes fun of me and my family. He is always so suspicious. He does not love, respect or trust me. We even have communication problem. Every time we speak, we end up arguing because we always misunderstand each other. I don't feel comfortable talking to him because he gets angry quickly and says rude and mean stuff to me. He goes and tells his mom whatever happens at home and he doesn't pray. Only in the month of Ramadhan he will pray and fast 30 days and then not even go for Eid prayers. Rest of the 11 months he wont pray atall. Thou I keep telling him to pray and I always make dua and have even fasted 3 days for Allah to give him hidaya he always listens to music. He does not work his father pays are expenses.3 years have passed to our marriage and i havent seen any change in him.I have lost my paitence and im so tired.It has now reached to a point that i get disgusted when he touchs me and i get so furious when he talks to me and is around.i keep refusing when he calls me to bed. But he use to force me and i know its sin to refuse your husband so i use to let him thou inside it killed me.I tried to explain to him that the way he treats me has brought a big distance between us but he said that im just bringing up excuses because i dont love him and dont want to live with him and said if i dont want to live with him i can leave and not even think of asking for the baby.My mom suggested me to tell him that if he starts praying i will put a stone on my heart and stay with him for the sake of Allah.But he disagreed to it and said he will start from ramadhan.So i told him either you start praying or give me a divorce.i really dont believe him why not pray today why after 4 months and his like i will try to change but i have really lost hope in him.Then i decided to pray istikhara for a week and prayed to Allah to show me the way by that if he starts praying i will stay and if not i will leave.After a week i took my baby and went to my parents house. But he came and wanted to take my baby, my mom had guests that day so before he could make an issue she asked me to go with him.Thou he knows im thinking of separation he forces me to bed.I want to give it a chance just for the sake of my child because i know he won't let me have her if i separate. But mentally im very disturbed and depressed and im afraid as a wife i won't be able to do my duties i wont be able to obey him because i have really lost hope in him.Please help me decide.

Q: I am married for 15 years with three children, I love my wife but she is very difficult. She has slowly changed from committed women to complete irresponsible lady, took hijab out without my consent, then she stop praying and fasting, then she start going out with liberal clothes until we have been clashing several times. She put forward a divorce petition and made few false allegations to police in order to support her divorce. I have tried to calm her down as the divorce is not justified, invited her to do haj together but she refused, then I realised after a while that she was in relationship with another atheist man for a long time over Facebook who was teaching her how to get divorced and gets maximum money compensation in order to come to UK. The divorce still not finalized and we are in dispute about the children care at this stage. She is taking advantage of the law in this country and does not want to follow shariah law, having said that our marriage was done in Islamic country before we came to UK. What should I do with somebody broken the family and does not obey Islamic rules?

Q: My father has been treating my mother with unnecessary banter and quarrels for about 20 years now. I don't remember a time in my house where we openly laughed. My father does not love my mother, because if he did he'd see the pain he's causing her. My father yells at my mother for no reason and accuses her of such she didn't do. He doesn't trust her as well. He's been causing her all this pain and she's been dealing with it just for her two daughters. I suggested she divorce him. My dad has had a previous wife as well which he divorced. What should I do? Should I convince my mom to get a divorce and be happy?

Q: My husband recently started a new business course. I asked him how many women are there in the class and he got very angry and said I am pathetic and a sad person.

1. Islamically is it okay for a wife to enquire such things from her husband?

2. Can you please refer me to specific duas to help our marriage and to calm my husband down as he has a very bad short temper (with everyone).

Q: I am 36 yrs old married with 2 kids and suddenly started thinking about other man who is also married. I am praying to Allah day and night that I don't want to think about him. Please pray and tell me some dua I want to forget him.

Q: My husband and I are not living together. He had me thrown out of our marital home when I was pregnant. He has also uttered talaaq and revoked it. He has since moved back to his ex wife who he irrevocably talaaq. He is aware they living in haraam and refuses to let me go. He has asked me for sex saying we can get a room to which I refused and he got angry. He doesn't see to any of my needs but expects me to have sex with him then he brings me back to my mother house and he goes back to his mistress. Do I have a right to refuse him. Because now he using the deen against me whereas he not living according to Allah laws.

Q: I work in qatar and I dont have family status to bring my wife and kids. I just got opportunity to work abroad. My brother works in dubai and stays with his wife and kids. My sisters husband recently got opportunity in saudi without family status. So my sister stays with my parents. Sisters husband also trying for family visa due to situtation, but his company not giving him and he is trying utmost level. Once he gets it he'll take my sister to saudi.

My wife was staying with my family members and after my sister comes home, my wife is upset due to my parents giving more importance to my sisters kids. Because of this my wife fought with me and now she is in her mothers house.

After continuous quarells with me, my brother got to know she had daily quarel with me, so brother called and shout her. So my wife got very angry and she informed to her parents and fight went beyond. Everyone knows in our society, how innocent my parents are, just because of they give importance to daughter kids, my wife got jealous due to this. She feels my parents doesnt care to take care my kids and they take care to my sister kids like that she feels.

We stay in rent house my things and brother things are in same rent house. In my house we have one big room and 1 small. big room my sister and parents sleep and small room me, my wife and kids. I knows its difficult to stay in small room due to small room, my wife fight daily with me to shift the house. During that time my finance was weak. Now al hamdhulilah i am earning good.

Now my wife wants separate rent house with my parents, she put the condition my brother things should not come, because my brother shouted her. My brother sasural family is from hyderabad, so we cannot send back their things, my parents will feel bad and brother sasural also feel bad if we send back their things. If we see two rents house, its difficult to manage to my parents, now they are old. My brother stay in abroad. I told my wife, please dont break brother bond, my parents cant take care two rent house and its difficult to maintain. But my wife is not ready to accept for this and she daily fights with me same. If i say my parents they feel very sad for this. Please advice me what step to be taken.

Q: My mother in law ill treats me through her tongue. Her words are harsh and hurting. My husband is very supportive and a pious man. He takes care of my every need. I am three months pregnant. I feel stressed out all the time because of my mother in law hurtful words. I stay silent when she insults me. But then I suffer from anxiety and constant headaches. Please guide me how to overcome this problem.

Q: I am married for one year. My husband is in Oman . I am with his father and mother. I have some problems from both. They are not allowing me to go to my family members. They do not like me to speak with my husband. They hurt me all the time. Is what they are doing right? What can I do? Do you have any advice for me? I am so depressed nowadays.