Marital Issues

Q: I'm in a very tough situation which involves a​ second wife. A bit more tham two years ago my first wife went to the UK to give birth to our 3rd child. Alhamdulillah my first daughter was born. After that she had to stay in the UK since her family had decided to buy a house and she took a while to come back home to Kenya. I married a second wife which I told her about after four months when she came for a short period in Kenya. It was a though moment but I managed to calm her down until the news spread to our families. She is the daughter of my mum's brother. To cut the story short I am now being forced to divorce my second wife by both our family members and herself. She has also asked for a divorce now and I am being told I will not be allowed to see my children. I have never ever stopped taking care of her and the kids. I am now in another country pursuing further studies in orthopedics. My question is, are my parents right to force me to divorce my second wife? Even though I love both my wives and do not wish to do so. I told them I will not divorce any one of my wives but now they are saying I will be cursed and my life will be nothing but a disaster without parents' blessings. Please advise on the options I have as I believe divorcing without her being at any fault just to save my family's face will be like zulm amd probably lead to a bigger calamity in my family. I love my parents like any other human being but my mother's and father's tears are clouding my judgement for now.

Q: If a husband is cruel to his wife and kids, what should the wife do, ask for a divorce or just be patient? Which option is better for the Aakhirah?

Q: Before my husband and I made nikaah, we discussed financial issues like whether I would need to work, if we would be a 2 income household, the rental and expenses we would need to pay, etc. He told me confidently that I can work if I wanted to although not necessary. (I work for my father in a secluded office) and that he would give me money for the household expenses such as fuel, groceries, etc. He also told me that we would be living in a flat that his parents owned and that there would be no need to pay rental.

A week before the nikaah, his parents had told him that the flat did not belong to them and that we must move into a flat and pay a ridiculous amount of rental for it in a complex that they also live in. My parents in law are very well off alhumdulillah, my husband has 2 sisters, both of which are married and both of which dont pay any rental and in fact live in luxury homes provided by his parents. Their families live off from my father in law. I am not comparing myself to them because I feel that we both need to work hard for what we earn. 

Recently I fell pregnant. I had to cut down on my job owing to complications. There was a rental increase and therefore I get no money from my husband to cover household expenses. We decided to speak to my parents in law regarding this and they forbade us from moving away into a cheaper rental flat as they hinted at the fact that we are ungrateful (even though we dont take money from them) and that it is my husbands duty to look after them.

I will never question our duty to our parents, no amount of what we do will ever be enough for them. However, does duty only fall upon the son or is it all the siblings responsibility? Do we have the right to move out as it is hurting our relationship by creating a conflict between us as husband and wife? Please keep in mind that his mother asks our front guard when I enter and leave my house, her maid sometimes enters my house when I'm not there, she stores all her unwanted goods in my garage and doesn't treat me very well and sometimes has nasty things to say to me and this makes me very bitter towards my husband as well. What can I do moving forward?

Q: I started loving a lady in 2009. Thereafter I proposed to her and she said that her family did not allow her to get married.

In short, I got married to someone else in 2013 December and went for umra after 4 days. When I came back on 01 January 2014, the lady I loved before I got married was crying and telling me that I ruined her life. So I decided to marry her on 06 January 2014.

Her father, mother and family were not aware and we were having husband wife relations but we were not living together. She was living in her own home and I was in my own home with first wife.

In the meanwhile, this second wife which started forcing me to divorce my first wife but I kept on delaying it.

Now I have 3 children and she is still forcing me to divorce my first wife. She is fighting with me day and night and also insulting me in front of people by abusing me etc.

I am stuck in a situation as I love my first wife and we have 3 children together. What should I do? 

Q: I am a 33 year old married man. I am really confused regarding my problem. I love my wife but I am not able to please her and give her a happy life.

Its been 3 years since our marriage. She was married to me with a lot of expectations to have a beautiful married life. After many treatments, my problem is still not solved. I am not able to satisfy my wife sexualy. I have premature ejaculation.

Moreover I have nil sperm count due to that she is not getting pregnant. The doctor said that I dont have the ability to make a woman pregnant. We can only try IVF.

We tried to perform by giving her oral pleasure and forplay and after she finish, I thurst. Its always makes our relationship more complicated.

I want to make her happy but if I am still like this she would never be. I feel that it would be better to divorce her so that inshallah she can get married to another man and have a better life.

Should I divorce her or should we keep living with the same issues?

Q: If a mother in law discusses something with her daughter in law and later her son confronts his wife in front of his mother demanding to know what the mother said, the wife remains silent out of respect for the mother in law and also to prevent an argument from taking place between the mother and son. The husband later accuses his wife of being disrespectful for not telling him despite her explaining her reasoning. He still won't see things from her perspective. Please advise if she was disrespectful towards her husband and what should she do if faced with a similar situation in the future?

N.B. The husband never admits to being wrong and cannot be reasoned with.

Q: Alhamdulilah, I am happily married, however I require clarification over a matter.

I work from 8 - 5 and my wife teaches hifz in the morning and madrasah in the afternoon. She is occupied and very busy the entire day. I have no problem with her busy day and am happy to let her serve the deen of Allah Ta'ala.

However during the evenings she does not provide me with her full attention but is still busy dealing with other work. She gives off the impression that her work is more important than me and often compares myself to her.

Am I correct in telling that her I am her primary responsibility and take preference over everything else?

Q: What is Islamic view on

1. Wife going to her parents home without taking permission from her husband?

2. Wife going with her parents to some person who gives taweez without pardah?

3. Wife never listens to husbands view and always listens to her parents and family?

4. Husband travels daily 220 km, and on weekends wants to be with wife, but her parents call her home forcefully, and wife gives priority to her parents and does not listen to her husband.

5. Wife studying mbbs, that's why husband sacrifices plans for not having children's for the next 5 years so not to disturb her studies but wife still utilises spare time to visit her parents and doing work for her younger sisters.

6. Wife's parents are fond of her money and after she completes her degree they want her to work. She is also willing to work, but her husband doesn't like her to work.

What to do, I purchased fazail e Amal and muntakhab and suggested many times to do taleem and once we did taleem in her parents home with her parents. Daily I do taleem and take my wife and all my family members to sit in taleem. My wife listens to whatever her parents tell her whether it's wrong or right. 

Q: I got married in 2001 to a revert woman. We have three children 17, 9 and 8 year old. I am working abroad and visit twice a year. My wife is unhappy because I support my mother since my father passed away 4 years ago. I provide for her well enough accordingly to my ability.

We have a problem for about 10 years and I am afraid that if I leave her she will become apostate and my children's future will be in trouble. All the time she threaten's me that she will leave and marry another person. She openly opposes to support my mother and sisters. She stopped any physical relations with me 8 years ago. What should I do?

Q: Is it appropriate for a husband to make full on conversations with other women in front of his wife? He asks other women about their personal lives, like their gym life and their husbands etc. Is it appropriate for the husband to randomly message girls on online games commenting on their pictures?