Q: I am now 27. 10 years ago I had sex with a girl. She is older than me and non muslim, but intercourse didn't happen. I was even wearing clothes. I asked many times forgiveness from Allah Ta'ala. From that day, I went for hadd but the hazaraat told me it's not required in my case because any intercourse didn't happen. I am ready to do hadd. I feel very very very guilty of that and I face lot of problem in my life. I am struggling to get married so is it permissible do hadd in my case. Also sometimes I masturbate. I asked forgiveness from Allah Ta'ala again and again also for this I do hadd like hitting myself with a belt and burning myself with hot steel, pouring hot candle drops to my body. After repenting to Allah Ta'ala in this way again I masturbate. Is it permissible to hurt myself in such a way? I want to get married and want to do the jima' in the Halaal way. So I think Allah Ta'ala is expecting me to do hadd.