Customary practices

Q: Is it permissible to attend a mendhi ceremony/party or is it imitation of non-Muslims?

Q: I am a 53 year old divorced female. My first cousin is 62 and he is recently divorced. We are both single, and are considering making Nikah. Because our families are very close, we are afraid that if we have a public Nikah, and the marriage subsequently does not work, this will cause immense stress on the entire family. Is it possible for us to do a non-public / secret Nikah for a while and then if all works out, we will then tell the family that we are married.

Q: What is the status of what has now become a norm where a girl who is making nikaah holds a tea invitation a few days/week before her nikaah. They say that they do it as their numbers for walimah are limited and thus cannot invite everyone they'd like to like neighbour's, friends, etc.

Is this allowed? What should one do if one is invited to such a tea? It's a simple tea where they serve savouries etc., no intermingling, however it is done for the above mentioned reason.

Q: Are mess nights permissible in Islam? This is where the family gathers some nights before the nikaah and mess the bride/groom with holi powder or food.

Q: I have a question regarding a tradition called "dood pilai" in Asian households.

During weddings, there is a tradition in which the brides sisters take money from the groom and in return give him a glass of milk. It's usually pre planned with the groom so he comes prepared. This event involves free mixing during the wedding and also pardah is not observed properly.

My question is, is the money which the bride's sisters took from the groom haram in these circumstances? Is it haram to use or keep it as a gift?

Does not observing modesty during this event make the money haram to keep or spend? If the groom earned it through halal means but it was transferred to me through free mixing, does it make the money haram to spend?

Q: I'm with a person for many years. But now we live in the same place because we are studying in the same state. We meet every day and shake hands or be together that puts us under extreme guilt. From the start we only had an intention to get married SO we have now. We can't tell our parents this time because we live in a high society where you are supposed to get married when you achieve something in life, have a great job and everything. But we are still studying.

Now we are at the same place so we come in touch and we want to make our relationship halaal by doing nikaah so as not to get in any haraam things. Our age is 25. Can you please enlighten us in this matter. How we are supposed to do it? When in future we will do it in front of our parents that time do we have to give divorce first? Can we marry the same person twice?

Q: Is this ruling correct:

Question: We have a small community in the country I live in, and weddings are an excellent opportunity to come together and meet (new) people, as everyone lives far away from each other, especially regarding marriage purposes (the potential of finding a suitable partner amongst the crowd).

Recently, two people from our community got married after someone had contacted them at a wedding they had both attended (they didn’t know about each other’s existence beforehand).

Weddings with no music rarely ever take place, sadly enough. I’d have to miss out on all of them otherwise. Thus, from this perspective (marriage purposes), would it be permissible to attend a wedding with music playing in the background?

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

Yes. It is permissible to attend a wedding even though they play music in the background.

Background Versus Primary Activity

The ruling here revolves around the central issue, the wedding ceremony. Wedding ceremonies are permissible. The presence of music in the ceremony is a secondary characteristic. This secondary characteristic does not affect the fundamental permissibility of the wedding, according to the following axiom:

“Subsidiaries are subsidiary and are not given their own rulings.” [Ibn Nujaym, al-Ashbah wa al-Nazair]

If any impermissible actions become the focal point of the event, such as mixed-gender dancing or the like-continued involvement in the wedding at this point is impermissible. [Ibn ‘Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar]

Commanding the Good

If the music’s content is impermissible, then it is obligatory to advise those in charge of the ceremony to offer an acceptable alternative if there is a hope that your advice will result in change.

This is especially true and important for anyone who is an example or role model. [Nahlawi, Durar al-Mubaha]

The Permissible is Plenty

As Muslims, is it of central importance to know what Allah Most High permits and prohibits before taking on any endeavor, such as holding a wedding ceremony? Our plans for the ceremony must be through the lens of that knowledge.

There are many permissible avenues of entertainment that one can use for the wedding. This allows people to enjoy their time, and no one is turning away from the obedience of Allah in the meantime.

Q: Is it permissible for a newly married couple to mutually decide not to have kids for one or one and a half years so that they may enjoy their marital life (e.g. travelling together on holidays, etc.)?

Q: I have a boyfriend and we are in a relationship and he is not socially setteld yet so his parents are not willing for nikkah now but we want a nikkah because without it we are making sins and it is haram. We want to make our relationship halal so till he will not be settled properly we want nikkah to avoid a great sins. Can we do a secret nikkah ??

Q: I am 32 years old. I am asking my family to let me get marryied to a girl (outside my family) but they are not agreeing. They do not give me a reference from Quran or from Hadith. What should I do? Should I bypass them all? Is there any problem in doing this?