Masaail relating to intimacy

Q: From the start of my early life I had never been focused on any aim and still now I am regretting it why I am not clear about my aim. I am feeling like a burden on this earth. I never wanted to be engaged before marriage. After my BS honors I got engaged, to whom I got engaged he is totally of a different chemistry life style. He always wanted to be bold in our relationship whereas I believed in intimacy after marriage.

A lot of misunderstandings and quarrels occurred between us. Just before nikah, I was totally blamed for not being expressive in showing my feelings or whatever. He always wanted a bold relationship, bold talks whereas I denied it just because I knew its not allowed in Islam. To save this relationship and respect of my parents I totally vanished my personality, my own resemblance. I have done my mphill but still I feel nothing to myself.

Why every time girls have to shut their mind soul and feelings even after nikah (rukhsti is in coming Nov) he wants to have full intimacy. I know it is allowed after nikah when he come to visit me but I want to have all this after rukhsati. 

Q: I am married for 6 years and want to have clarity on some topics which will sound disgusting but if I have clear and right information about the same I will carry on forward.

1. In Islam, is it allowed to see, rub, caress, kiss one's wifes anus after cleaning that area and making sure nothing unhygienic is there.

2. Since anal sex is haraam, can I massage/rub with my finger on my wifes anus. I wont be doing any penetration with hand/penis.

3. Can I have sex with my wife in the bathroom and kitchen or any other place in my home.

Q: I am married and my husband is abroad since 3 months. I too will accompany him but it will take 3 more months because of some issues. Am I allowed to mastubrate or do I need to control my desires by the time I get there? 

Q: If one has sexual intercourse during haidh, and the blood is red then 4.364g in gold has to be given. To who must this penalty be paid and under what (sadaqah)?

Q: It is permissible to kiss sexual parts by using a plastic bag?

Q: What is the ruling if a man refuses to have relations with his wife despite her begging him for months on end and the wife ends up masturbating to prevent committing zina?

Q: For consummation of a marriage to take place, does the hymen of the woman have to break or is it sufficient that the man's private part went a little inside the woman's private part? 

Q: If a woman's husband has been addicted to pornography for many years (10+), is it still her duty to sleep with him whenever he calls for her?

Q: Can a husband insert his finger in his wife’s private part to sexually satisfy her?