Advice

Masturbating

Q:

1. I am a boy and sometimes I feel so excited that I start lo​oking at girls pictures and eventually I end up looking at some obscene picturess. Even if I don't want to, then vulgar thoughts run in my mind and they make me go crazy. So then I masterbate but if I don't masterbate then it gets very tough and I end up watching bad pictures. So please tell me what to do because every time I ask for Allah's forgiveness then for some weeks I don't but again I do it. But please don't tell me to get married as I am 17 and a student so it's impossible to get married.

2. When I do ghusl after masturbating, it takes me 40 or 50 minutes to finish it. My mom told me that every hair of your body must be wet so when I am washing my back, negative thoughts pop up in my mind and then when I am washing my nose these thoughts make me waste a lot of water. And if I ignore these thoughts, I feel like I didn't do ghusl correctly. And I just wash the part of my body three times which are supposed to be washed and then I recite this dua:

"أشهد أن لا إ له إلا الله وحده لا شريك له، و أشهد أن محمدا عبده و رسوله"

So is this correct? 

Husband taking a second wife

Q: My husband and I are both reverts. I have no mahram to protect my rights. I found out on Tuesday that my husband has a new wife. It was secret for a few weeks (he claims he can't remember how long he is married. I estimate 2 weeks to a month) that was Tuesday, and on Thursday he left for a planned 40 day jamaat. As you can imagine, now is the time I need his assurances more than anytime. I am trying to be obedient and accept his new wife. I am really trying hard. But, he let slip that he bought her salaah tops, scarves and tasbeeh. In our whole 5 year marriage, he has never, ever given me a single gift. And he said that his gifts to her don't include me as it to help her live her live as a Muslim. Is that true? My husband, has told me many lies over the last few weeks, and I asked him multiple times. Does he have a new wife. He repeatedly denied it. He also lied about his repeated 3 days that he had recently. How do I forgive him, and start trusting again? My last, important question. How do I find my Allah again? When I try to pray or make my zikrs or even just speak to my Allah. I feel like there is a door in front of me that I can't penetrate. I can't sleep or eat. I am fasting so I can try to be closer to Allah. I am making my salaahs on time. Sir, I love my husband and I want to make it work, and I want to regain my relationship with Allah. I also have to accept her. If I die, she raises my children. And he is threatening to take my children, he is threatening to leave me and take them. If I don't comply completely with everything he wants. What can I do?

Being fond of a non-Muslim girl

Q: I have a problem with depression. This is related to a girl I like and I feel that she is a test from Allah. But the issue is I cannot get her off my mind. I am a religious person but still with the recitation of Qur'an this ill feeling is still sticking and it's very hard to focus on anything else. She is not a Muslim which is the other issue. Please brother tell me what I can do about this situation? She is working with me which compounds the issue.

Haraam relationship

Q: My question is not straight forward but I'll try to make it as concise as possible. I am 18 years old and when I joined college 2 years ago I got to know this person. We started to like each other, he is very God-fearing so he asked me to marry him and make it a halaal relationship for us to be in. So I spoke to my mother and she said she would do something about it and here I am 2 years later hoping for her to still do something. As I am Pakistani love marriages are rare in our culture so my mother did not tell anyone that it is a love proposal. She told her parents and my father that we received a proposal from his foster parents. And because this is the the first proposal they have received they are taking it really lightly and I am not able to do anything other than talk to my mother and ask her to do something but I have tried so hard to convince her she isn't doing anything about it. The person I want to marry is very pious and kind alhamdulilah and his family are as well. I don't know what to do I do not want to be in a haram relationship of any sort because I have only just started to realise the meaning of life and he is the reason I am a better person today. How do I convince my mother, what shall I say to her?

Marital issues

Q: I'm engaged with a girl three months back but 20 days back a guy called me and pretending that he had an affair with that girl and physically also, but the girl is denying that and promised on her parents, on Allah and on the Qur'an also that she is pure and no one has touched her. I did istekara also one month back but I didn't get any feeling or dream. Her father is a good man and a heart patient. I don't know what to do. Whom to belive? She is ready to do a virginity test also. I am totally confused. Please guide me whether I should marry her or not.

Marital problems

Q: My brother has a 11 year old son. The child's mother passed away suddenly about 2 years ago. May Allah most Kind, grant her Jannatul Firdous, Insha Allah Aameen. The child has been through a very traumatic time for at least a year, as he was extremely attached to his mother. With the Mercy of Allah, he is coping better now. They are living with us and Alhumdullilah. My parents are taking care of us all, as they always have. However, they are getting old, and I can see my mother is struggling to cope with the responsibility that has been placed on her. My brother has remarried 6 months ago. Unfortunately, his wife felt that my mother does not have the right to tell her to do anything at home ie. help to cook and help with my nephew. She says that my nephew is not her responsibility as its not her child, and says that even Sharriah does not place this responsibility of this child on her. She wanted a place of her own, and we had made the outbuilding ready for them. She stayed there for 2 days, and then left and now boards with a lady in a flat. For 2 weeks she never told us where she was. Eventually my brother found her. He did give her one talaaq after she left. She was pregnant at the time she left our home. A month later we heard she had a miscarriage. My parents have been very upset about this and advised my brother that she was not of good character (for various reasons as witnessed by my parents) and told my brother not to take her back. She has managed to convince my brother that she is innocent and that she is sorry about what she did. My brother read Isthikaara for 3 nights and all 3 nights he had very bad dreams, 1 was him almost dying in a bad car accident. Another was him waiting in hospital for a heart operation. She has manipulated my brother to such an extent that my brother has forgiven her and have reconciled with her. She is still at the flat where she is boarding. My brother stays with us, and goes to see her everyday. He is now looking for a flat for her. My parents are still very unhappy about this and have still expressed their concerns. And in particular are worried about my nephew who is an orphan child. My brother's wife claims that it is according to Sharriah that the child is not her responsibility. He is my parents responsibility. Is this correct? And please advise how do we handle the situation. My concerns are that we are here for this child, but what will be his condition when my parents pass on? Also, will he never have a normal family if this woman does not want to care for him?