Advice

Q: I am facing many difficulties and don't know what to do. Please advise me. I got married with the will of my parents and myself and the marriage got annulled because my family believe that the person who I married was not right so they pulled me out. I feel my family is very materialistic and they did not want to marry me again. I feel it may be jealousy since I was the most soft and good looking person. I was put in hardship and left alone with no hope of from anybody in family. They forced me not to get remarry. In the mean time I took
help from a person to be my wali in marriage. He misused me and some big sin happened. I repented and tried hard to protect myself and prayed to Allah Ta'ala. Finally with the blessing of Allah Ta'ala I got married. Allah Ta'ala blessed me with some children and we were very happy. After marriage one of my relatives helped me and that made me and my husband feel emotionally settled down and not lonely.

Later my relative also left me, now I am with my husband and children with the blessing of Allah Ta'ala but there are some serious problems:

1. My health became weak. I can perform all the duties of family except outside work.
2. Some of my husband's email reveal that he is involved with different prostitutes. I was suspicious of his behaviour but could not know that for sure until after 10 years of being with him since he does not talk and doesn't show emotions at all. Everyday he watches bad websites. I try to ask him, and help him in many ways in my best language but he does not reveal or nor share anything.
3. My children also suffer some big health issues and they are a challenge for both parents to take care of them. I have no where to go if he divorces me. I asked him for divorce many times. I get mentally and physically very tired with his rude behaviour and secret life. He is a rich person he affords good to us and provides for us but he does not give moral support and a happy life to me and the children. He always trys to find fault in me no matter how hard I try to please him. I feel very helpless. I try to seek my husbands help whether being with him or not. He always says your wish he never gives his idea. He say he does not want to give me children and I am very afraid of the future since I am still very young and very afraid of my children's future.

Please advise me in the light of Sunnah and Qur'an and pray for me and my children.

Q: My son is divorced for 2 years and started a relationship with another girl, he impregnated the girl (Muslim girl) and for a year he has been sleeping off and on at the girls house and the girls parents have allowed him to stay there during the weekends. He has committed a big major sin (zina). What really puzzles me that the family of the girl condones this behaviour. A child was born on last Saturday and they giving the child’s name on this Saturday coming and we were invited. I told my wife we will not attend this gathering because all that will attend are collaborating in sin because they and their friends have accepted this situation to be OK. My question is, am I doing the right thing by not going and secondly he did not invited us in person but by SMS please advise. My son does not go to mosque,does not live like a muslim, swearing very bad and ugly words at his ex-wife. He wants to take his son to stay with this girl and he teaches his son from the first marriage that this girl is the child’s step mother. He even teaches his son to call his mother a _____ . The child is only 4 years old. We try to instil Islamic values into this masoom child, but he teaches the child ugly words and adult phrases to say to his mother (ex wife). He gave his first wife three talaqs in one go, just so that he can have more time for his friends. He has no respect to his own mother and told her on several occasions that she is dead. He does not make salaam to his mother. He comes there sometimes because the child sleeps by us and that’s it.

Q: I work for a company where the owner of two companies on the same premises is a Muslim. I am one single person running the one company as if it is my own ,the other company employs over 20 staff and some temporary staff. In the second company all the managers and staff are non-muslims,and they earn huge salaries some 3 to 4 times my salary. Last year the company purchased four new bakkies, a Mercedes and a car for the owners daughter. Now in February the company is on the verge of purchasing a 4x4 double cab bakkie and a new car for the daughter because she does not like to drive a manual vehicle so one of the reps will be driving her car as a company vehicle. For the past two years to current the company I am running makes so much business that it is paying the salaries of all the employees of the other company and all increase I get every year is R200 rand and 1/2 of it goes to TAX. I do not get over time, no lunch break. I start from 7 am to 17h30 sometimes until after six but my normal working hours is from 8h00 am to 16h30pm and on Friday suppose to work till 15h00pm. I do go for Jummah it works out to +/- 13.5 to 15 hour overtime per week, 60 hours per month. Not a single cent is being paid to me or a thank you. But the other company those staff get their overtime even if it is 10 minutes over. For 8 years I have been working like this, worst of it is the owner curses the staff by saying that we will not find any work some wear else. I have been trying to find other work but having difficulty. Many companies knows that people are desperate for work and what they are paying them is peanuts. There is no baraka in my earnings, month end it disappears into thin air like water sliding through my fingers. What dua can I recite for baraka in my rizq and sustenance and for a better job. I definitely must come out of here, especially where Muslims are involved in fitnah and fasaad and eat anything from any take away with out considering the Hahaal issues. I cannot be part of their collaborating in sin. Please advise urgently!

Q: My husband has two daughter from his X-wife. His wife was in adultery and she divorced him and took both girls with her. She got married with other guy and divorced him too. Now she (X wife) send her oldest daughter to my home. She is now 18 years old. My husband is still paying child support for them and will continue paying for the next 5 years, until his younger daughter turns 18. First daughter is also in adultery just like mom.  X wife sent oldest daughter to my home to let her live with me and my husband. She said that she asked some people in mosque that how can she save her younger daughter from her older sister to stay out of this habbit. They told her to send her here to her father. Even she got here but she showed herself just in a week. My hubby and his x wife hid all their daughter's behavior from me. I let her stay in my house, but now my question is, I have two sons too, don't I have to save my kids from her to learn bad things. I don't want her to stay in my home. So I told my hubby to send her back as she is the punishment of her mom
not me. Why should keep her and I am not even comfortable with her, but father doesn't want to send her back as she came to live him after 13 years. Am I doing something wrong. Don't I have right to save my kids? They are just 8 and 6 years old boys. Please let me know what should I do?

Q: I met a boy and spoke to him for the purpose of marriage. It didn't take me long after that to decide that I would like to marry him. My parents did not have a problem and were happy as well. I have now been speaking to this boy for over a year because he says he still needs time to decide. According to him, he does like me but he is just very confused about getting married. Please advise me on what to do as I know now that it is haraam for me to continue speaking to him. I did try stopping but he always says that he will decide soon and he also gets upset and has a problem eating and sleeping when I do stop. Please advise on what he can do as well to help him decide.

Q: I have found some message on my husbands phone to another female colleague with whom he works with and I have confronted him about it and he confirms it is only friendly message and nothing attached to it.  Ever since I keep feeling suspicious about him and I just want to read his messages. I now don't trust him anymore. How do I overcome this problem.  It is really disturbing me and I cannot concentrate on my salaah and it is making me so bitter towards him. I feel I am so sinful. Please help me and advise me how to overcome this situation.

Q: It has come to my father in laws attention that I have spoken to his second wife on three occasions. However now she says that I phoned her and revealed normal routine of the household. My father in law in turn took his anger on my husband and involved my husbands mother (my mother in law, the first wife). Thus resulting in emotional and verbal abuse, My questions are as follows:

I do realize my mistake was to pick up the phone and innocently respect her. Did I do wrong by adhering to the phone call? Should I prove to these inlws that I did not contact her and she phoned me? Is it right for my mother in law to order me not to communicate with any near or distant relatives of my husband saying that because she does not talk to my relatives, I should not talk to hers. My mother in law wish to not interact with me at all. Should my husband now be obligated to remove me from the household that belong to my father in law? I feel they are purposely trying to break my marriage, how does one make sabr in this circumstance?

Q: I would like to know what advices can I give to a sister who is learning Aleema but is a chain smoker?

Q: My husband thinks that his a Waliuallah. He reads 24/7. He is a 6 times namaaz reader including tajud namaaz. He always talk Islamic. He doesn't go anywhere. His friends can't joke about anything. He doesn't spent time with our kids. He'll take us somewhere if it benefits him only. Pleas help! Is this the way to go about being a Waliuallah?

Q: My husband has a habit of calling his friends (girls). I don't like ths thing and he is totally addicted to calling them and talking to them for a long period of times. What will I do in this situation? He says that these girls are only good friends of his and he won't stop whether I like it or not? He says that he is not sleeping with her just talking with her so its all mine fault. He says "k tmhare zehniat kharab hy".