Advice

Q: Its been years since I have been following you and it feels great to see the way you are serving in the way of Allah. May Allah Grant you more strength and make you flawless.

The time has come for me to seek personal guidance from you, that's the reason im here writing to you today. I'll try to get the clear picture of my story so that you can help me take my decisions. I'm 28 years old right now, I got into a relationship in June 2013 with this girl and the girl I got into relationship was already in a relationship but as she was my University mate and friend I naturally had a caring gesture towards her, she used to tell me at that time that she was not happy with that guy although she was in relationship with him for 7 years. Being aware of everything I cared for her and naturally fell in love with her and tried to help her get out of that relationship. I helped her getting out of that 7 year old relationship even I knew they were physically active for 7 years (they were frequently having sex for 7 years), but I had pure feelings for her and resisted everything for her love and I got engaged to her in Dec 2013, it was after a great struggle as her parents were aware of her previous 7 year relationship and was not willing to get her engaged that soon however we got married last year August 2016. (I'm trying to keep short as possible).

There are always ups and downs in every husband & wife relationship, I trusted her more than myself cause the gesture she showed since beginning made me trust her more, recently I clearly got to know that she again got into a relationship with this guy since June 2016 or may be earlier where she worked and is still working (we got married in August 2016) in the beginning I once noticed and told her that this guy is trying to approach you in a bad way so stay away from him but she still went on talking to this guy and they are in relationship till now, they are physically in contact since the begining (it's been almost 1.5 years) and they have spent time with each other in every possible way, they have spend time and had sex with each other before and after our marriage and my wife has expressed her feeling to this guy several times that she is not happy with me and want to leave me and they even planned how would it be done, and the guy has always supported her. I have always been noticing strange connection between my wife and this guy since months and when I used to ask her she always refused that she is not talking to him or she has no connection with him and I always trusted her and asked no further questions for the sake of respect.

Afterall I have come to know my wife has feelings for this man and at this point when last week I got to know everything she tells me that she has committed a great sin and has no feelings for him (she still has feelings for him that I know) but refuses in front of me so that I may not leave her, cause she knows the consequences she would face as we are connected to each other in so many different ways, it be family, professionally and friend circle too. (Because we were collegues at the University too).

My wife met this guy till last week and I know everything they did. I did istakhara to confirm my wife and this guy's relationship status. She has confessed in front of me getting sexually active and had intercourse with this guy and she still refuses that she has no feelings for this guy although I know she still has.

At this point i still have not left her caus I care for her and she's going mad these days because she know that I'll leave her, I can not bear this. I have doubts over my love cause she got into relationship with me leaving a 7 years old relationship telling me she was not happy and now she ended telling another guy that she is not happy with her husband (me) and wants to leave me making me think that she also had no issues with her 7 year old relationship and she only came to me on the basis of lust and desire.

Im in a very difficult position I have no clue and I have no reason left to trust her anymore I don't want to make things difficult for myself and for her anymore, I have started feeling sick since last week I have severe pain around my left chest, simple I can't bear it anymore.

Please help me getting out of this situation. I have started praying 5 times a day to seek Allah's guidance but I'm stuck with the dead mind and can't take a sensible decision. I don't want to live with her anymore i feel disrespected, betrayed and dead. Please help me over this issue, I'm unable to take decisions and need some guidance in the name of Allah.

Q: Im a married 22 year old girl. I recently got married in March, and only did the nikkah. (No ruksati). My husband was supposed to apply for my USA immigration however, he told me that due to some paper work he will not be able to apply before our official ruksati which was in January 2018. After which it would have me wait for another 12 months to get the visa and unite with him. The miscalculation was on part of my in-laws as they did not research about the immigration laws before coming for nikkah.

Long story short, me and my husband started to have fights over the phone on minor issues which meant nothing to me, he insisted I lose weight for him and fought me tirelessly to hit the gym, then he fought me over the fact that he needed a working woman. Note that this was not a requirement before nikkah. He got fed up of me and started to hate me calling him often. I was really upset about my immigrartion as I had to wait long to unite with him. I insisted that he came to meet me and get ruksati done sooner which he declined. He fought with me on the fact that i demanded his time, and cried when i asked him to sleep 10 minutes later. He fought me to leave him alone when he was angry with me, but i used to keep begging him for forgiveness and for him to be fine with me.

I only really missed him and was quite sad that my reunion with my husband was so far away even though before Nikkah my in-laws told me that after january i would be going to USA with him. Shortly during the fights, my husbands father intervened and emailed my dad that I have been irritating my husband and giving him a tough time. his father exclaimed that the children have major issues between them, however he also stated that he cannot find the real big reason for the fights. (as they mainly revolved around me asking for his time and attention) However, once my husband yelled at me for no reason and called his father and told him he is unhappy with me. (the reason he called was because I asked my husband repeatedly if he was doing okay as he was upset because he had a bad day at work) After that call, my hsubands father sent en email to my father asking for divorce and said that this is his final decision and he thinks our personalities dont match and that after ruksati we will most likely be unhappy. upon confronting my husband he was still confused about leaving me or not.

He took 3 weeks to decide and kept telling me we will be unhappy. i begged him to not leave me as i love him and all couples fight due to time issues as we had 13 hour time gap. I told him i only asked for his time as he was at work or with friends and unable to call me or text me for the whole of day. HE told me that i annoyed the hell out of him and that he asked me for space but did not give him. Now its too late to do so. I begged and begged, and I asked that he meets me in my country before doing it, he denied everything. he also isnt giving me the talaaq on the phone.

My question to you is , am i at fault? is this reason suffiecient before Allah to divorce me? I asked him to reconcile so many times and i told him i wont bug him as much. do you think he is hurting me? I told him that for Allah's sake reconcile with me as Allah does not like divorce on small issues, he told me that he wont stay with me for Allah. please tell is he on the wrong? or can he divorce me for any reason and Allah will forgive it?

Q: My friend who is been forcefully married to a man whom she does not want to get married is suffering a lot of problems from day 1. She could not adjust with him. So her husband forced her and made her pregnant. In her pregnancy also she had to face lot of health issues and ended up in abortion. Her family is quite superstitious and went to a man who is claimed to be a thangal (sayyid) and told him the problems. And surprisingly that person is telling many other things related to their family like her mother is having waswas (whispering of shaytan) and about their business and those are true. And he told that a person from Hindu religion has done sihr on them and they had to believe. And recently they found some petals of a flower, black string and egg written something related to Hindu religion on it were found from their old office. That sayyid recommended them to recite certain surahs like Al Saffath, Al jinn and also told them to handover their business to someone who is not from their blood relation. He also recommended them to shift their place for sometime till everything becomes calm. What it is all about? I need to show my friend and her family the right path. Can you help me with this?

Q: I need help because I am in very big trouble and I'm going through a very difficult situation.

My parents have been searching for a good match for me. Since the last two years many proposals came but some were rejected. I have always dreamed of a perfect guy. I know I am wrong in this regard. I rejected many becuse I always compare people with others who are spending a perfect life. Another proposal came and my elders liked him as they are way worried of my future life. But he is not educated to my level although he is lucky to have a stable job. But he is not good looking, educated, like my previous rishtas. I don’t even know much of his family history. Just know that he is good Muslim with better character. I am constantly comparing him with prior proposals and pondering over my mistake. I am so guilty. My parents want me to marry him but i still dont. I cant say no to my parents now cause they are forcing me and worried as well. am I also afraid of Allah punishment. Plz help me out what should I do? My heart and mind is not preparing for it since i have tried a lot. 

Q: My child is premature and had two intestinal surgeries at her pretime. Still she is suffering from aspiration and weight is only 1.96 since two months. What should I do to overcome my child's health issues?

Q: I need your advice to how to continue my life further. I am the father of two children, the elder is 5 and younger is 4 and am married since 2011 (6 years) and currently, we are living abroad in UAE as an expat together.

Two weeks before me and my wife had a misunderstanding which led to a fight between us, we haven’t talked for 4 days, and even I haven’t had any food with her and after clearing the misunderstanding then we again had good days, unfortunately I have seen some chats on her mobile which lead to doubt her. Then I came to know she has been calling, chatting and even video calling her lover from her home town in India. When I asked her about this she initially didn’t agree, then I started checking all her emails, facebook, mobile, Whatsapp, chat history etc. I came to know they were having a relationship even before our marriage and they had gone together to many places in his car any had done kisses and been in a relationship. She already confessed to me that they were having a relationship and they were calling and chatting with me and my children sleep, whenever I am not at home during my work and even during her vacation in my absence.

The last conversation of my wife was calling him to come to our home at UAE while he is coming to UAE in this month from India knowing that I am going to work for few days abroad, which really put me in a depression. I never doubted my wife in my whole life that she will do such things to me. I need to say that I was not a perfect person before my marriage, I consumed alcohol (few times) and I've been in another relationship with a lady (only for few months) but after my marriage, I was a perfect husband and a perfect father to my children in our married life.

I reiterate that I never been in a wrong since I was very truthful, caring and doing all the things to fulfill my needs of my family. Now I don’t know what I have to do; she is saying that she won’t continue the relationship and won’t repeat it again. But I don’t know whether I can trust her again since she broke my trust.

Moreover, I don’t want to lose my children since they are everything to me and even I am living for them. Please give a best solution/answer following the sharia law though I can follow.

Q: What should be our behavior with friends who dabble in major sins? Should we cut them off or advice them?

Q: I have some doubts in my mind. Mostly people say offering prayers is the first thing every Muslim should do even if he is committing any sin. I have a question does Quraan really say that offering prayers is the first priority and becoming a good peson who does good deeds is secondary thing because in todays world we see many people who offer prayers but commit sin and on the contrary there are people who are good human but dont pray. So I really want to know what Allah says about this is becoming a good person more important or offering prayer. Although I know that mostly people say that through prayers one can only become a good person but what about those who perform good deeds but dont offer prayers that too often

Q: I'm not happy with my life. I've no good terms with my family... always have an inferiority complex. Please tell me some dua to overcome this situation.