Advice

Q: What is the importance of a husband? How shall he be treated? I'm reluctant to obey him in every matter. I want to correct myself but I'm stubborn and a pampered wife. I want to rectify my amaal.

Q: My friend's mother died last year and they had 8 kids. It was less than a year and the dad fought with his children on purpose and ruined his kids birthday so that he can go Pakistan. It was a planned visit and went Pakistan and got married against his kids wishes. All he does is listens to his wife and has pushed all his kids away from him. He don't listen to the kids and all he does all day is talks to his wife. All he does is listens to that lady and then wants his kids to listen to him. Don't know what she should do? The lady is greedy and wants him to give his lands to her and not to his family. Also all she ever does is asks for money. Her family is greedy but he wont listen. The kids are so lonely and on the verge of doing something wrong?

Q: I performed only nikah with a girl back in February 2016. Her elder sister is married with my elder brother. Now some problems happened between my brother and his wife and they even went to court for their personal matter solution. Her family started threatening us and told us clearly that they will not arrange to send their 2nd daughter who is my wife to our house untill we write any property or big amount on her name. We are not able to meet this demand and it was also not a part when nikah was performed. Now I have decided to divorce her immediately. But may be in future I still expect they might change their conditions. What should I do? If I divorce her, what will be the possibilities and how can I remarry her if any solution is done? Please guide me.

Q: I am unable to talk with people. I feel fear. Please suggest me any wazifa.

Q: I got married 4 months ago. It was under family pressure but I did say yes ultimately. After struggling for 6 years of saying no they finally convinced me. I was more inclined towards the other guy who was interested in me (There was no haram relation between us) I kept the option infront of my mother but she declined due to this rishta who happens to be my cousin. After 4 months or so I dont feel attracted to my husband at all and I am thinking of the other guy who was better looking, had a good job and everything was perfect, I never leave my salaah, I have seeked Allah's help but Im in misery as my husband and I are not bonding up due to my lack of interest. What should I do?

Q: I am suffering from a very bad situation. I am unable to deal with people. I can't talk to people. I have no confidence, no boldness. While I am in the presence of people, I begin to run away from there immediately. I feel that I am being pressed by people. I can't talk to even my parents. My collegeous friends also not talk to me. It is very serious problem. Since my childhood, I am less of a talker. But now at college level talking is very important. So, hazrat, please tell me any dua or wazifa so that I can beg to Allah.

Q: My wife wants us to stay in the marriage for the sake of the kids. She does not trust me and I have hurt her many times. But I know she wants us to stay together for the sake of the kids. Also I know that she wants to abuse me mentally as she has done for the past seven years. I have done wrong and I admit it. However I know that all she wants us to stay together for the children, but I am 100 percent sure that she also wants to abuse me verbally so that I can be punished. Is this correct? I don't want to be with her anymore but everybody feels that I should not divorce her for the kids. I feel I will just be living a lie and I feel that if she does not care about me, why should I live with her. I am fully prepared to look after my kids following the sharia. Please advise, is she correct or do I have a right to get a divorce?

Q: My in laws, especially mother in law tends to fight with me. She always blames me for her sons actions. We both working people, I work shifts and he works office hours, we always visit them on the weekend and for occasions in the week we are present and Thursday nights. If he works or I'm working then we can't go unfortunately, now she doesn't want to understand that if he is working, she will say that he is telling lies. She then sends me messages that it's because of me that his acting this way, all his sisters don't work, only his brother works but he works flexi hours, I don't know what to do, I really love my husband but feel I don't want to be part of this family, I can never boast about my husband to her because she becomes angry and jealous. Please advise as I'm suffering from depression due to constantly being oppressed by his family.

Q: Since my childhood me and my cousin liked eachother. It's been around 8 years that we are married to eachother and have 2 sons. During these 8 years she kept misbehaving with me and even kept abusing me often. I complained to her parents so many times to forbid her not to use slang words and not to abuse me but her parents never paid serious attention to my complains and always supported their daughter. I tried my best to make our married life happy but the situation did not change at all and even went worse day by day. During this time she kept asking me to divorce her on several occassions. Moreover she never respected my parents as well. The time kept passing with the same circumstances and I was completely faded up with the circumstances. Different people said that our couple is effected by black magic.

Few months ago, I fell in love with my office colleague. She was first my good friend and I shared my problems with her as a friend. At that time she was engaged with someone else. Suddenly her engagement was broken due to some family issues and then she asked me if I can marry her. I replied positively. But she put a condition that I will have to divorce my first wife before marry her. I replied positively without thinking anything. I fell in deep love with her and as the days passed she fell in love with me too. At that time I decided to divorce my first wife and then marry her. That girl continuously kept forcing me to divorce my first wife without wasting any more time. I kept trying to divorce her but something was stopping me to do so, may be because of my children and our parents and family. I wasn't getting any chance to divorce her. Finally I tried to divorce her but our parents and family members got involved in this matter and all came to know that I am doing this because I wanted to marry the other girl. According to Muftis the divorce which I issued to her was counted as a single divorce and I had 3 months to revive my marriage. Different Maulanas said that I was affected by black magic by a girl and that's why I am so desperate to divorce my first wife. Everyone in my family blammed me without understanding the problems of my married life which I have been facing for 8 years. I was so desperate to marry that girl and I found a way. I told that girl clearly that I will not divorce my first wife and wanted to marry her as well, she agreed as she was in deep love with me. So, I moved to UAE alone to find a job and finally I got a job and I came to Pakistan to marry that girl, thought that I would take her to UAE with me after marrying her and after some time I will let my parents know about my second marriage. I kept everything highly confidential. Only few of my friends know about it. I came to Pakistan for 4 days. Asked my friends to play a role as my elder brother and his wife and went to that girl's home for my marriage propsal. Me and that girl told her parents a lie that I was divorced, didn't tell anything that I am already married. I lied to her parents that my parents can't come for my marriage proposal as they were in Saudia and that's why my elder brother (who was actually my friend) and his wife have arrived for my marriage proposal. Next day, we arranged a small ceremony and did Nikah on 12th February, 2017 and I took her to UAE with me, keeping everything highly confidential. After few days my first wife came to know about my second marriage and she again started misbehaving with me, used slang language with me and insulted me. My parents still do not know about my second marriage till date and I do not know why but I can not dare to inform my parents about my second marriage. I do not want to divorce my first wife now and even do not want to leave my second wife, as I am happy with my second wife and she respects and cares about me alot. Now I am too much worried as my first wife is continuously asking me to divorce my second wife and my second wife has also asked me for few times to divorce my first wife. I do not want to divorce any of them, as if I leave either of them, their life will be spoiled and effected in a very bad way and on the other side my parents still do not know about anything whatever is going on and I can not dare to inform my parents. I am afraid of their reaction after knowing about my second marriage. My second marriage is based on a lie, as her family members except her mother do not know that I am already married and even they do not know that who went there for my marriage proposal were not my real brother and brother's wife.

Please guide me the best solution in the light of Islam and your best knowledge.

Q: I have a question related to my ordeal of two marriages.

Despite my utmost efforts, to be patient with my first wife, treating her nicely and with love. Her mood swings are getting more unbearable. On one hands she accepts my second marriage, to the point of telling me to send money on time to my second wife. And just when, I am getting relaxed to normally run our life, she takes a u-turn and starts demanding to divorce her.

Last night again she made a u-turn, and started demanding divorce for her. I was patient and trying to explain to her, that at this time you are not thinking straight, so relax and be patient, everything will be ok but she continued to be aggressive. Then I said to her, if you want it that way, then call your family, and whatever you want to say, say in front of them. But she said, she will not call anyone, she has Allah as a witness. I tried to explain to her, that this is not the right way, whatever she wants to say, she must call in her elders. But she kept refusing. Then I asked her, what do you want from me, you want me to divorce my second wife? She said it does not make any difference, even if I do, she cannot trust me anymore. I was still being patient, but she kept pushing me, and her tone was direspectful. So, before matters got out of my hand, I left the house for a few hours. She has done this before also, when I didnt have any second wife. And about 8 months ago, we had an argument and I was telling her again and again, not to continue this argument, but she persisted and the word "talaq" blurted out from mouth, which I wasnt even thinking about. After ten minutes I realized it, and went back to her and apologized and told her it came out extreme anger.

Now she is again referring to that, that you said talaq when we were alone, I told her, I was in extreme anger and not in my senses. But she said, that talaq is done in extreme anger and is not done when a person is within senses. Nevertheless, she demanded that I write down talaq to her and give it to her, which I declined, that I do not want to give talaq, she is demanding it, so I will not do anything, unless she brings in her elders. I also offered her, that when you see me, you feel pain. I will start doing overtime at my workplace, even work on sunday, so you do not have to see me more than you have to.

Then I said, you claim that you do not have the same feelings for me anymore, you have three beautiful children, take peace in them, and what will happen to them? They will get get dragged in the scenario you are creating? She said she will think about the children later and besides they will grow up to be like me, "bewafa" unfaithful. The kids want to be attached to her, its natural for the children to be attached to the mother, but the atmosphere she created, the children shun her, and they just wait for me to come home.

To make it short, I left home at that time, so the situation cools down, and came back when she was asleep. In the light of Islam and sharia, is my first wife's demands valid. I am being patient still, but how much?