Advice

Q: I had a excellent relationship with my in laws until Monday night. My wife made a request to visit her Granny at her parents place before leaving back to Cape Town. I agreed. We arrived at my inlaws place. I greeted everybody as usual and sat down with my father inlaw and brother inlaw. Azaan called and we all left for Esha. When we returned from Esha I did not go in to the house, I sat outside on the portch. I could overhear father inlaw, my wife, and my brother inlaw discussing his technicon registration, so the discussion went on for and hour or so while I sat outside on my own relaxing. My wife and father inlaw step out of the house, and my wife said she is ready to go, but she and my father inlaw was still saying a few words to each other, while I sat on the couch not saying anything. My father inlaw all of a sudden began to swear at me and shout me, telling me to get out. When i questioned him in a polite manner as to why is behaving in this manner he began to aggressive and wanted to beat me up. I was shocked. I got up jumped in my car and drove off. I was in a state of shock,it was the second time he has done this to me, The first I overlooked it and walked away. The next morning he sends me a text apologising for this, I did not reply as I am very upset as I have always respected this man and treated him like my own father. My question is, my wife shows no remorse for her fathers actions, secondly I need to know that i have decided not to go to my inlaws home anymore as I feel threatened and uneasy, is the permissible, and I will only allow my wife to visit once a week, and not go any where with her parents without my consent. Please reply with advise also.

Q: We recently started burning bukhoor in our new local masjid on Fridays before Jummuah. We leart that this is sunnat and was also done in Masjid-e-Nabawi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam). However a few old uncles in the masjid say this is a bidah and India custom and has no basis in shariah and have actually thrown the contents out on some occasions leading to disputes. Please provide proof from the Ahaadith or sunnat as to what is the actual ruling regarding the burning of bukoor or mujammar.

Q: I love a Hindu boy and I had taken an oath of Allah to him that i will never leave him. But I had read in some Islamic post that pre-marital love is haram and we can't marry a non-muslim. He had promised me that he will convert but that conversion will not be for allah's sake. I am in a big trouble. Please guide me for this and also for the oath.

Q: I am having trouble thinking positively. All my thoughts are negative towards people. What do I do to stop?

Q: I am pregnant. I Am happy Alhamdulillaah but also I feel very low at times. Maybe because of my rising hormones. My husband is really caring, still I expect more from him. Please suggest me how to feel better and positive. I do offer my prayers. I pray too but negativity is surrounding me. I was a very positive person. Please help.

Q: I am a Muslim guy in college. I have a problem that is making me very depressed. Whenever I decide to do something I always think; a.) "what would others think about this?" plus I b.) fear that they would discriminate and think something negative in their mind about it c.) hoped that they would like and approve it. This is really affecting my daily life and studies, this is so strong that even when I'm praying salah alone these is always what's in my mind. So my questions are:

1.) is this counted as Riyya? Since my niyyah for studying in college is for the sake of Allah (which ulamas say is now a form of worship). When I go to school, do reporting, studying, taking quizes and exams etc. these thoughts pops into my mind that I lose concentration, focus and become very anxious to what their thought or reaction is.

2.) How can I remove this? Before in highschool I always think about "what would Allah think?" but now these thoughts are the top concerns in my mind instead of Allah These are making me very depressed. I can't study well and it's really affecting my grades plus my parents are paying for my education and are getting old. I want to finish so that I can provide and take care of them but these thoughts are hindering my progress.

Q: I am married for 23 years, My brother and I am a reverted to Islam at the him at the age of 14 years and myself at 17. I have and had many Muslim family members as close as siblings and nieces and nephews right down to great nieces and nephews. For 10 years of my married life I was not allowed to communicate or visit with my brothers and sisters. My husband told me to choose between my family or him and my children. My children still being very young and needing me left me in reality with no choices. The last five years my husband allowed me the contact but no visits. My eldest sister who I grew up with and shared more than just a sister bond. She made sure I had everything of the best, what they could not get because my dad died when I was 2 years. MY sister took the place of my mother in matters my mother was not able to due to her ill health. My said sister resides in London U.K. She is not a muslin but accepts me and the rest of our family for our believes. My sister had 2 times 3rd stage aggressive breast cancer over a span of 8 years, I was not allowed to visit her although we had the fund. My sister was a month ago diagnosed wrongly and when further tests where done it was diagnosed she has brain cancer in two areas of the brain that is not possible to operate. They doing what the can to relieve the severe pressure she has on her brain and help her to manage her pain. Her oncologist and Dr has informed the family that there is nothing they can do accept help her to manage. That the cancer is spreading and she dont have long to live, Allah (SWT) knows best. They giving her more or less a few months. She has already lost all mobility in her arms and legs. My sisters and my muslim brother is going to London. Its my wish to join them on this sad journey. My nephew is offering to pay for the flights if any of us cant manage it. It is my sisters wish and ours to be able to see her and spend time with her for ALLAH (SWT) alone knows. Unfortunately my husband in incarcerated at present and is not able to go with me. I assured him I am not going to be alone my elder sisters that are older than me and my elderest brother who is a muslim will be accompanying me. Halaal provisions will not be an issue, I will make preparations for that. The shock of my sister condition, landed me in hospital and sessions in therapy with a psychiatrist. I lost my mother at 23 in a very drastic and tragic manner too, she died of a ruptured brain aneurysm. I explained to my husband her condition and my need to see her one more time, I dont want to loose her like I lost my mother when i didnt get a chance to see her alive one more time and tell her so many unspoken words. All my husband told me was, he sympathizes with me but no i cant go to see her and the money is not the problem but because he is incarcerated so i must stay home and only allowed to the Dr and my sons work place, thats all. My condition is like his, I am also incarcerated like him. Yet not long ago he told me that I must always be prepared to leave anytime for Durban if anything happens to his mother or any of his sisters. I feel this is so unfair to me, my family is worth nothing to him but his family must always be important to me. My husband has never lost a sister or a brother neither any of his parents. I lost, my father, my mother, 2 sisters, a brother. and one more to loose. He cannot relate to my losses and pain, so deals with this very callously like before, he expects me to deal with it and get over it. Please advice as im torn.

Q: Opposite my house, the guys play loud music. I do not want to mention the race and name but its really disturbing and simply you just cannot sleep. Is there any way to get rid of this situation apart from changing the place. Any particular dua or masla in this regards?

Q: Mein bahut parishan hoon.Actually I stay alone at home and think about divorce all the time,what if my husband said this or that. Yesterday, I told him I have a few questions(4) to ask you. It was regarding one day where we fought and we were not speaking to each other. Then when he came back home i tried to make up and asked him something upon which he told me 'over' or 'tum sab khatam ker dee/it's over. I dont remember exactly but it was something like this.(there was no discussion of talaq/marriage. Yesterday I told him about the incident , he said ,I dont remember. Then i told him that you said 'over/something like that. I asked him if he had some wrong intention.(Aap ka koi ghalat matlab nahi tha na?) He said 'No'.He said 'mera aisa koi matlab nahi tha'. Then he told me you have asked for today.(I told him i will ask you four questions). Husband says 'tumhera aaj ka ho gaya hai'(question). I think he said twice(Dont remember exactly) Then I don t think I asked the same question again. I was quiet for 2-3 seconds listenting to him.(when he said ,tumhere aaj ka(sawal) ho gaya hai).After 2-3 seconds, Then all of a sudden he tells me 'haan hai'. 'There is'.I asked him what 'love'.I told him I am asking you something else. I asked him what you mean by 'haan hai'. He told me that topic was over and that he started another topic.I asked him if he said in continuation of the topic.He said 'No'. I asked him again, Did I ask you again the same question again, and you said 'yes'?. He says 'no'something else was going on in your mind and something else was going on in my mind. I took promise from him on Allah ( which I never do) and he promised 2-3 times that he meant 'haan hai' for something else. Now I am confused. GOD FORBID, What if he meant for that topic ? I am so confused. He tells me I didnot mean it for that topic.Did he mean ,' haan hai, intention of divorce'. I asked him today also he said, he meant love. I am scared what if I had repeated the question and he said 'haan hai' but if that would have been the case i would panicked. I didn t panic when he said 'haan hai'.I just asked what. Has something wrong happened? God forbid, talaq or something.It keeps coming in my mind why he said 'haan hai'. Does 'Haan hai' an incomplete statement? Sorry for troubling you,I dont have any one to share this problem. Please advise.Jazak Allah khair.

Q: My parents are searching for girls for my marriage and when I go to see any girl along with parents I keep on asking them about Deen, Islam, namaaz, Quran recitation and how important is deen to them, all these sort of questions. They give proper reply as well but they are rejecting the match saying that I am very strict or how can I ask such questions as they too are born Muslims. I ask these questions not to check how pious they are or I am not saying that I am perfect, just I am looking for some one who knows Islam well and who can correct me as I am not perfect. So my question is is it wrong to enquire a Muslim girl how much she follows or knows deen?