Advice

Q: I am a Muslim guy in college. I have a problem that is making me very depressed. Whenever I decide to do something I always think; a.) "what would others think about this?" plus I b.) fear that they would discriminate and think something negative in their mind about it c.) hoped that they would like and approve it. This is really affecting my daily life and studies, this is so strong that even when I'm praying salah alone these is always what's in my mind. So my questions are:

1.) is this counted as Riyya? Since my niyyah for studying in college is for the sake of Allah (which ulamas say is now a form of worship). When I go to school, do reporting, studying, taking quizes and exams etc. these thoughts pops into my mind that I lose concentration, focus and become very anxious to what their thought or reaction is.

2.) How can I remove this? Before in highschool I always think about "what would Allah think?" but now these thoughts are the top concerns in my mind instead of Allah These are making me very depressed. I can't study well and it's really affecting my grades plus my parents are paying for my education and are getting old. I want to finish so that I can provide and take care of them but these thoughts are hindering my progress.

Q: I am married for 23 years, My brother and I am a reverted to Islam at the him at the age of 14 years and myself at 17. I have and had many Muslim family members as close as siblings and nieces and nephews right down to great nieces and nephews. For 10 years of my married life I was not allowed to communicate or visit with my brothers and sisters. My husband told me to choose between my family or him and my children. My children still being very young and needing me left me in reality with no choices. The last five years my husband allowed me the contact but no visits. My eldest sister who I grew up with and shared more than just a sister bond. She made sure I had everything of the best, what they could not get because my dad died when I was 2 years. MY sister took the place of my mother in matters my mother was not able to due to her ill health. My said sister resides in London U.K. She is not a muslin but accepts me and the rest of our family for our believes. My sister had 2 times 3rd stage aggressive breast cancer over a span of 8 years, I was not allowed to visit her although we had the fund. My sister was a month ago diagnosed wrongly and when further tests where done it was diagnosed she has brain cancer in two areas of the brain that is not possible to operate. They doing what the can to relieve the severe pressure she has on her brain and help her to manage her pain. Her oncologist and Dr has informed the family that there is nothing they can do accept help her to manage. That the cancer is spreading and she dont have long to live, Allah (SWT) knows best. They giving her more or less a few months. She has already lost all mobility in her arms and legs. My sisters and my muslim brother is going to London. Its my wish to join them on this sad journey. My nephew is offering to pay for the flights if any of us cant manage it. It is my sisters wish and ours to be able to see her and spend time with her for ALLAH (SWT) alone knows. Unfortunately my husband in incarcerated at present and is not able to go with me. I assured him I am not going to be alone my elder sisters that are older than me and my elderest brother who is a muslim will be accompanying me. Halaal provisions will not be an issue, I will make preparations for that. The shock of my sister condition, landed me in hospital and sessions in therapy with a psychiatrist. I lost my mother at 23 in a very drastic and tragic manner too, she died of a ruptured brain aneurysm. I explained to my husband her condition and my need to see her one more time, I dont want to loose her like I lost my mother when i didnt get a chance to see her alive one more time and tell her so many unspoken words. All my husband told me was, he sympathizes with me but no i cant go to see her and the money is not the problem but because he is incarcerated so i must stay home and only allowed to the Dr and my sons work place, thats all. My condition is like his, I am also incarcerated like him. Yet not long ago he told me that I must always be prepared to leave anytime for Durban if anything happens to his mother or any of his sisters. I feel this is so unfair to me, my family is worth nothing to him but his family must always be important to me. My husband has never lost a sister or a brother neither any of his parents. I lost, my father, my mother, 2 sisters, a brother. and one more to loose. He cannot relate to my losses and pain, so deals with this very callously like before, he expects me to deal with it and get over it. Please advice as im torn.

Q: Opposite my house, the guys play loud music. I do not want to mention the race and name but its really disturbing and simply you just cannot sleep. Is there any way to get rid of this situation apart from changing the place. Any particular dua or masla in this regards?

Q: Mein bahut parishan hoon.Actually I stay alone at home and think about divorce all the time,what if my husband said this or that. Yesterday, I told him I have a few questions(4) to ask you. It was regarding one day where we fought and we were not speaking to each other. Then when he came back home i tried to make up and asked him something upon which he told me 'over' or 'tum sab khatam ker dee/it's over. I dont remember exactly but it was something like this.(there was no discussion of talaq/marriage. Yesterday I told him about the incident , he said ,I dont remember. Then i told him that you said 'over/something like that. I asked him if he had some wrong intention.(Aap ka koi ghalat matlab nahi tha na?) He said 'No'.He said 'mera aisa koi matlab nahi tha'. Then he told me you have asked for today.(I told him i will ask you four questions). Husband says 'tumhera aaj ka ho gaya hai'(question). I think he said twice(Dont remember exactly) Then I don t think I asked the same question again. I was quiet for 2-3 seconds listenting to him.(when he said ,tumhere aaj ka(sawal) ho gaya hai).After 2-3 seconds, Then all of a sudden he tells me 'haan hai'. 'There is'.I asked him what 'love'.I told him I am asking you something else. I asked him what you mean by 'haan hai'. He told me that topic was over and that he started another topic.I asked him if he said in continuation of the topic.He said 'No'. I asked him again, Did I ask you again the same question again, and you said 'yes'?. He says 'no'something else was going on in your mind and something else was going on in my mind. I took promise from him on Allah ( which I never do) and he promised 2-3 times that he meant 'haan hai' for something else. Now I am confused. GOD FORBID, What if he meant for that topic ? I am so confused. He tells me I didnot mean it for that topic.Did he mean ,' haan hai, intention of divorce'. I asked him today also he said, he meant love. I am scared what if I had repeated the question and he said 'haan hai' but if that would have been the case i would panicked. I didn t panic when he said 'haan hai'.I just asked what. Has something wrong happened? God forbid, talaq or something.It keeps coming in my mind why he said 'haan hai'. Does 'Haan hai' an incomplete statement? Sorry for troubling you,I dont have any one to share this problem. Please advise.Jazak Allah khair.

Q: My parents are searching for girls for my marriage and when I go to see any girl along with parents I keep on asking them about Deen, Islam, namaaz, Quran recitation and how important is deen to them, all these sort of questions. They give proper reply as well but they are rejecting the match saying that I am very strict or how can I ask such questions as they too are born Muslims. I ask these questions not to check how pious they are or I am not saying that I am perfect, just I am looking for some one who knows Islam well and who can correct me as I am not perfect. So my question is is it wrong to enquire a Muslim girl how much she follows or knows deen?

Q: My question is that I am married for 3 years and I found out my husband was cheating on me for the past 2 years. I do not have kids. Now I have decided to take divorce from him and now he is changed and want to live happy with me but on the other hand someone else wants to marry me and I also want to marry him after taking divorce from my husband. Now I am confused that should I go ahead and move on and marry the other person or should I forgive and live with my husband whom has cheated on me? He was involved with my own sister. This made me think to move on. Please help me out. What should I do? I can't ask anyone in my family about this matter. Please let me know ASAP thank you.

Q: A girl liked a guy. The guy's parents contacted girl's parents several times for marriage but girl's parents always refused thinking it as an inappropriate match due to lack of guy's religious commitment and financial stability .The girl left home and did nikah in absence of any of her wali. Now the guy's parents are inviting girl's parents on Walima ceremony. What should girl's parents do? Their daughter disobeyed them and embarrassed them in front of the society. What are the 'sila rehmi' requirements here for parents?

Q: What is the best way to propose marriage? I am afraid I might get rejected, so I want to approach with confidence and calmness.

Q: I just want advice regarding my husband. Don't know what to do. When I go out with him even when I smile at a cousin brother, he gets annoyed and tells me I am committing a sin by smiling at men. Please advise me what is right and wrong.

Q: I have commited zina with a married women with mutual consent despite knowing that it is one of the biggest sins a Muslim can commit. After doing so, the feeling of committing such a grave sin made me feel extremely worried and ashamed. On my way back to home, I kept asking for forgiveness from Allah (Ta'ala) and promised Allah as well as myself that I am not going to do it again. Now, I am still feeling ashamed and I have communicated my situation to the woman I committed the sin with. She is telling me about her feeling the same but forcing me to meet her for the last time just to talk. She is begging me to meet her and promising that she won't come near me and we can meet at a public place but I just don't want to meet her and want to end everything. I tried to tell her about repentance and about the sin we just committed. She is threatening that she won't eat anything and can commit suicide as well due to the feeling of sin. I tried to tell her about the punishment of suicide and everything but she didn't listen. I became so afraid and panicked that I blocked her from everywhere she can contact me. Now I am not in touch with her in any way. Now, I have to ask two questions.

1. I am very ashamed of what I did and feeling very guilty. I have repented with a true heart. But naturally, I am unable to cry and feel very emotional about it. All I can feel is that I have done wrong and don't want to do it again for the sake of Allah but I am unable to ask for forgiveness by crying hard in front of Allah. Even if i want to cry, I couldn't. What should I do for that?

2. If that woman commits suicide behind what happened, is there any responsibility on my shoulder as well? Because whatever happened, I was involved in it and her suicide would be due to me. Would I be accountable for her suicide? If she commits suicide without repentance and asking forgiveness from Allah, would my repentance be accepted?