Advice

Q: I would like to ask Mufti Saheb's opinion in regards to living with my in laws. I'm currently living at my husbands parents house and have been for the past 5 years. I have two little boys mashaAllah and am expecting my third child in April Insha Allah. I live with my husbands parents, his sister and sisters husband, his brother and brothers wife with a little child. I have been given one room to live with my children and husband and the space is very tight now especially with our expanding family. I want to know whether I am allowed to ask my husband to provide separate accommodation for us as I have started to really struggle with that many people and very limited space. I have been living here for quite a while now and things are getting difficult as my children are growing, the family is finding it hard to tolerate them, constant remarks are passed here and there which makes me very upset as a mother. There are also covering up issues as my brother in laws are around and sometimes there are slip ups where my hair or other parts get uncovered, especially with me running after my children all day at home. My husband has had numerous arguments with me over this but no matter how hard I try there are always slip ups. Alhamdulillah I have never raised my voice with anyone, I keep my peace with everyone over here, all I want is to live separately now. I don't ever want to take my husband away from his parents but I'm suffocating like this and can't carry on any longer. Would I be sinful for asking this off him? Does Islam give me a right to my own accommodation as a wife?

Q: Two years ago I got engaged to a girl and then I told her that if you want to live with me, you have to control yourself and don't do anything which affects our relation other wise if you do, I will do more bad and no sorry will be accepted then. She promised me that I will not do anything like that. But now after three months of my marriage I know that my wife was in a friendship with someone on the internet before marriage. Now I am confused what to do? I am not talking to her from 7 days. I want to know about my problem. What should I do according to the Islamic point of view?

Q: I am so stressed. I want a divorce from my husband but he is not agreeing. We had a secret Nikaah nobody knows about it till now. Now that the situations are worst and I can't continue to be his wife, I asked for divorce but he is not agreeing. Please tell me a wazifa which could help or anything. Please help me in this critical time please. What should I do?

Q: I am currently studying towards a degree in law, Alhamdullilah. Allah Ta'ala has granted me hidayat since this Ramadhaan. I am now contemplating continuing my degree as I find that studying the law which originates from the time the of Caesar is against Islam as we know that he was an astrologer and made people bow before him in his court, as we now from the incident with Abu sufyaan. Another concern of mines is referring to a judge as your "lord", "worship",etc. as this seems to represent the way Caesar ruled. I would rather study to be an Aalim, as knowledge can help be improve and I can lead my life in accordance with that knowledge inshallah and try to be an entrepreneur. My mother however is concerned that I started something and do not want to finish and wants me to have a career. I would be willing to continue studying law if I were able to study Alim as this would allow me to prove the superiority of shariah to legislatures of south african law. My apologies for the long question it just does not make sense to me to let man made laws judge our affairs, and my mothers concern is how I will earn as she is a single mother. I would like to look after her financially, although Allah will open another avenue if I am leaving the law for his sake Inshallah. Please advise me.

Q: If a wife wants to stop her husband from taking drugs and he keeps picking on food and other things that he provides for her and he wants her to leave work and stay at home but she is scared of doing that because he treats her like a dog. What does she do?

Q: I would like your impartial and islamic opinion on the scenario below please. A young woman has a frank conversation her father and expresses a desire to marry her cousin. He isnt the cousin the father wants his daughter to marry, no reason given, only saying that I want you to marry cousin B and not cousin A. The woman does not want to marry cousin B and tells her father this. She tells her father that she will choose and marry a person of her choice if she cannot have cousin A. Her father tells her that if you do that I will not forgive you till the Day of Judgement if you do that. The woman finds a pakistani muslim young man of sound mind good character and they undertake nikkah. By this time the young lady has left the family home having been left emotionally and mentally drained. 10 years have gone by and her parents still refuse to forgive her. Moreover her parents have declared to the other members of the family that should any of you do such a thing you will also be disowned and not forgiven for life. This young woman's sister has also been disowned by her father because she keeps contact with her sister. The young woman does nothing untoward and unislamic. She has made many a effort to phone her parents for forgiveness and even tried to go to the house, but her father keeps shutting her out and refuses to engage in any conversation. This young woman's childhood was one of strict household policies. Some necessary and some not, for example no eid clothes allowed. Not being allowed to go on family outings. Not being allowed to remove unwanted facial hair. When the upper lip hair was removed and the father saw, he didn't converse with her for 2 weeks. Sittings with her father were always frosty. Lectures were given to dampen self esteem morale and often many negative statements. She still maintained an obedient nature. 10 years on and she is still happily married with 2 children. Her in laws love her dearly. Please offer me some opinions on this with your expertise. May I add that the girls mother isn't allowed to have an opinion on this. The father says she musn't interfere in the way he is trying to preserve family heritage. And what the daughter has done is islamically wrong from every angle.

Q: If a husband strictly prohibits his wife to use online chat platforms based on her life before marriage (she used to freely talk with non-mahrams - Alhamdulillah now she repented and practicing the proper ways now, May Allah forgive her and me). Even if she uses it to chat with her relatives he objects due to the fear that may lead to the temptation of her pre-marriage life. But he allows his wife to talk with her relatives through phone calls and by meeting directly with the proper hijaab. Is it right what the husband is doing or is he going to extremes?

Q: I wanted to ask something about relationship issues. My husband is very strictly religious and he reads lots of Islamic books through the whole day in his free time. Even at night I tell him to sleep early, at least at 12 o clock in the night but he reads the seerah of prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam and completes all the amal of zikr which is done under his shaykh. Then he goes to sleep at 3 or 4 am. I sometimes get upset about that. He doesn't give some of his free time to me and if I say anything he says that we must think of the aakhira, not the worldly life. Sometimes I comfort myself that what he's doing is to please Allah, so I don't bother him. But I want to know that what he's doing is it more rewardable than having free time with his wife and sleeping early with his wife?

Q: If your family always talk about inappropriate things, that are hurtful and immodest and you do not like the atmosphere, how should you be as a person in this situation? Is it necessary that you must stay in the room, even when you do not like what is being said? Since you have to interact with your family, how long do you have to stay with them if they sit together for hours on end, if you are in this situation and you have other work to do too?

Q: My Bangladeshi husband has lost both his parents long ago. Shukar to the Almighty Allah that we are able to help his siblings often financially. However, it has come to a stage where it seems that his siblings are taking it for granted and they are not trying to help themselves. My husband has 4 sisters and 1 brother. The brother owns lots of land in Bangladesh. Over the past 12 years my husband has been trying to give his sisters land that was left behind by his parents, but each time he would go to Bangladesh, his brother and sisters would never come to an agreement as no will was left behind. My husband finally decided to go this year and give them more than the required land according to the sharia. He paid for all the transfer fees and made sure all the paperwork is fine. They got the most valuable lands now in their names. Out of the 4 sisters, one sister is financially doing well as her husband works hard in Kuwait. The remaining 3 sisters and the brother have always tried taking advantage of us by lying to us on situations we later found out were not true. We have helped send my brother in law’s oldest son twice to overseas to help him get a job and become more responsible. Last year we just finish paying his second sons university tuition to help him become independent but it’s been over 9 months and he is doing nothing to help himself. Both my brother-in-law’s sons are over 25 years old. The oldest one is now financially doing well in Singapore. My youngest sister-in-law has a husband who does not take care of his wife and kids and she is constantly asking us for money. We have sent lump sums over the years and have told her on many occasions to use the money wisely so they can improve their situation. But each time she just spends it all and within a month or two later will ask again. So she has gotten so used to getting money from us that she is now demanding it or will curse us. Her husband feels no responsibility for his family and does not provide for them. Their daughter is now getting married and we have sent money for the wedding, but they are planning to have a big wedding to show off and they are not happy with what we sent. They say they will curse us and keep questioning my husband’s salary as they believe that it should go to them. I am a housewife and homeschool my 2 kids. My oldest sister in law is a widow and she has three sons in overseas working but she also keeps wanting more money from us. My second oldest sister in law has one son overseas and another in his thirties doing nothing at home. But since her husband is crippled we do gladly send her a lot of money too, but her sons are not very responsible. We have tried over the years to help my husband’s siblings become more independent so they can do well financially, but they are not trying to do their part. We whole heartedly help them when they are sick or require money for food, sending their kids overseas to get jobs, all other necessary matters or for their children’s’ education. But they are expecting us to pay for their children’s’ elaborate weddings and jewelry etc. Sometimes I feel that it would be better for us to give the same money to help the many children victims of war, such as those who are undernourished and have no food. Instead we are giving lots of money to my husband’s siblings who are too proud and arrogant to work hard, are demanding and ungrateful. My husband’s siblings call him only for money, they never even cared when my son was hospitalized. My husband also has high blood pressure and we have a son diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. Given the situation, is it my husband’s duty to see to his siblings who have husbands or sons over 25 years old for extravagant events such as elaborate weddings or jewelry etc?