Advice

Q: I would like your impartial and islamic opinion on the scenario below please. A young woman has a frank conversation her father and expresses a desire to marry her cousin. He isnt the cousin the father wants his daughter to marry, no reason given, only saying that I want you to marry cousin B and not cousin A. The woman does not want to marry cousin B and tells her father this. She tells her father that she will choose and marry a person of her choice if she cannot have cousin A. Her father tells her that if you do that I will not forgive you till the Day of Judgement if you do that. The woman finds a pakistani muslim young man of sound mind good character and they undertake nikkah. By this time the young lady has left the family home having been left emotionally and mentally drained. 10 years have gone by and her parents still refuse to forgive her. Moreover her parents have declared to the other members of the family that should any of you do such a thing you will also be disowned and not forgiven for life. This young woman's sister has also been disowned by her father because she keeps contact with her sister. The young woman does nothing untoward and unislamic. She has made many a effort to phone her parents for forgiveness and even tried to go to the house, but her father keeps shutting her out and refuses to engage in any conversation. This young woman's childhood was one of strict household policies. Some necessary and some not, for example no eid clothes allowed. Not being allowed to go on family outings. Not being allowed to remove unwanted facial hair. When the upper lip hair was removed and the father saw, he didn't converse with her for 2 weeks. Sittings with her father were always frosty. Lectures were given to dampen self esteem morale and often many negative statements. She still maintained an obedient nature. 10 years on and she is still happily married with 2 children. Her in laws love her dearly. Please offer me some opinions on this with your expertise. May I add that the girls mother isn't allowed to have an opinion on this. The father says she musn't interfere in the way he is trying to preserve family heritage. And what the daughter has done is islamically wrong from every angle.

Q: If a husband strictly prohibits his wife to use online chat platforms based on her life before marriage (she used to freely talk with non-mahrams - Alhamdulillah now she repented and practicing the proper ways now, May Allah forgive her and me). Even if she uses it to chat with her relatives he objects due to the fear that may lead to the temptation of her pre-marriage life. But he allows his wife to talk with her relatives through phone calls and by meeting directly with the proper hijaab. Is it right what the husband is doing or is he going to extremes?

Q: I wanted to ask something about relationship issues. My husband is very strictly religious and he reads lots of Islamic books through the whole day in his free time. Even at night I tell him to sleep early, at least at 12 o clock in the night but he reads the seerah of prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam and completes all the amal of zikr which is done under his shaykh. Then he goes to sleep at 3 or 4 am. I sometimes get upset about that. He doesn't give some of his free time to me and if I say anything he says that we must think of the aakhira, not the worldly life. Sometimes I comfort myself that what he's doing is to please Allah, so I don't bother him. But I want to know that what he's doing is it more rewardable than having free time with his wife and sleeping early with his wife?

Q: If your family always talk about inappropriate things, that are hurtful and immodest and you do not like the atmosphere, how should you be as a person in this situation? Is it necessary that you must stay in the room, even when you do not like what is being said? Since you have to interact with your family, how long do you have to stay with them if they sit together for hours on end, if you are in this situation and you have other work to do too?

Q: My Bangladeshi husband has lost both his parents long ago. Shukar to the Almighty Allah that we are able to help his siblings often financially. However, it has come to a stage where it seems that his siblings are taking it for granted and they are not trying to help themselves. My husband has 4 sisters and 1 brother. The brother owns lots of land in Bangladesh. Over the past 12 years my husband has been trying to give his sisters land that was left behind by his parents, but each time he would go to Bangladesh, his brother and sisters would never come to an agreement as no will was left behind. My husband finally decided to go this year and give them more than the required land according to the sharia. He paid for all the transfer fees and made sure all the paperwork is fine. They got the most valuable lands now in their names. Out of the 4 sisters, one sister is financially doing well as her husband works hard in Kuwait. The remaining 3 sisters and the brother have always tried taking advantage of us by lying to us on situations we later found out were not true. We have helped send my brother in law’s oldest son twice to overseas to help him get a job and become more responsible. Last year we just finish paying his second sons university tuition to help him become independent but it’s been over 9 months and he is doing nothing to help himself. Both my brother-in-law’s sons are over 25 years old. The oldest one is now financially doing well in Singapore. My youngest sister-in-law has a husband who does not take care of his wife and kids and she is constantly asking us for money. We have sent lump sums over the years and have told her on many occasions to use the money wisely so they can improve their situation. But each time she just spends it all and within a month or two later will ask again. So she has gotten so used to getting money from us that she is now demanding it or will curse us. Her husband feels no responsibility for his family and does not provide for them. Their daughter is now getting married and we have sent money for the wedding, but they are planning to have a big wedding to show off and they are not happy with what we sent. They say they will curse us and keep questioning my husband’s salary as they believe that it should go to them. I am a housewife and homeschool my 2 kids. My oldest sister in law is a widow and she has three sons in overseas working but she also keeps wanting more money from us. My second oldest sister in law has one son overseas and another in his thirties doing nothing at home. But since her husband is crippled we do gladly send her a lot of money too, but her sons are not very responsible. We have tried over the years to help my husband’s siblings become more independent so they can do well financially, but they are not trying to do their part. We whole heartedly help them when they are sick or require money for food, sending their kids overseas to get jobs, all other necessary matters or for their children’s’ education. But they are expecting us to pay for their children’s’ elaborate weddings and jewelry etc. Sometimes I feel that it would be better for us to give the same money to help the many children victims of war, such as those who are undernourished and have no food. Instead we are giving lots of money to my husband’s siblings who are too proud and arrogant to work hard, are demanding and ungrateful. My husband’s siblings call him only for money, they never even cared when my son was hospitalized. My husband also has high blood pressure and we have a son diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. Given the situation, is it my husband’s duty to see to his siblings who have husbands or sons over 25 years old for extravagant events such as elaborate weddings or jewelry etc?

Q: After every ghusal of janaabat, I have this doubt that a portion of my body remained dry,  then I go to the bathroom to wash my body again. It's waswasas. What can I do?

Q: Me and my husband are suffering from black magic for separation. Can I ask him to treat himself by reading Surah baqarah, ruqya, bathing etc otherwise I have no option but to separate from him until he recovers as we are going through major misunderstandings which could eventually lead to divorce.

Q: For a while now I have been intending to attend a darul-Uloom to study Hifdhz and Alim Studies but people have been feeding me with negative thoughts. I will be turning twenty soon and people discourage me by saying that if I become an Alim then how will I get married while I am studying and how am I going to earn a living when I will only finish my studies when I am 30 and they say that I wont get a job because there are no jobs for Aalims available here is South Africa. Even my own family are against my opinion but I would love to take on Islamic studies and become an Aalim Insha Allah. Is there any advice one could give me?

Q: There is this particular place where there are meat shops and vegetable/fruit areas. This place is also flocked with men and I can't keep my eyes averted from them on the floor for long. I usually ask my parents not to go there, or at least leave me home, but we usually always go there since that is about the only place we know to buy meat from. What should I do in this situation? I do cover my face and body before stepping out, but my eyes are exposed.

Q: There is girl and she lives in Pakistan. She was married in 2006 wiht out her permission because she was poor and had no option. She didn't
like her husband but she could not do anything. She never loved him and her husband knows that from the very first night. He just living with her because she is beautiful and he told her that if she was not pretty then he would have married with another girl in another city secretly. They have kids now (daughters).

I met her 3 years ago because someone ask me to marry her sister and I talked to her family but in few days I found that I like her instead of her sister so I said no and I stopped talking to her.

After 2 years (last year) met again on chat and started talking and she asked me the reason but I didn't tell her but we kept talking and talking and after few weeks she got feelings for me because she never loved her husband and we got involved in each other but we never met and never cross limits Alhamdulillah. It was getting tuff for us and we tried to search if Islam allow us to marry after getting divorce from her husband but we found answer ”NO” on your website and we didn't want to risk our next life and make Allah angry. I lied to her that I am getting married and we stopped talking but in 6 months we never stopped loving each other and we pray 5 times and recite Qur'an and make dua but feeling never ended. We now talked again after 6 months and it's same. It's tough for her to live with him any more.

I know its all devilish things we did but we never cross limits and we tried to disconnect from each other. But I think now that we are making sin with this so we get married and she tells everything to her husband and get divorce. I could think different if she was in love with her husband and then changed her feelings. But she never.

We are very much religious Alhamdulillah and pray and can never think of making unlawful things but its tough now.

I want to ask if we marry then will we have any chance to get forgiveness of Allah and make Him happy. I know you must be getting angry with me but I think it's better to marry with each other than making sins.

Please help us in the light of Quran and Sunnah.