Advice

Q: I had indented to marry a lady then during our conversation after couple of months before nikaah I came to know that she is greedy and I fear that she would do the way she likes to do and will not listen to me because I believe she is a professional excusor. I strongly feel that this marriage will not work. I refused once then through a third person we sorted out and tried to re-continue. Now again I am feeling the same situation. Should I go with this marriage or not? I am confused. My family says in this country you don't know people are very different. That lady was married before and got divorce from her husband in a couple of weeks. Please guide me. She said she did istkhara and it was ok. I did but got nothing, no feeling etc. still same.

Q: I am asking this question for my aunt. My husband says that my father passed away when he was young because of my ghuna's. The reason being that he doesn't get along with me. My husband and his family are continuously abrupt and still expect me to do everything for them. My husband has issued me with two talaaqs and threatens me with a third for every difference between us in front of my children and their spouses and my grand children. The reason he does not go through with it is because we are married in community of property and he is afraid to lose the properties that have my name on them. He asks for my consent to sell the properties that have both our names on the deeds. I also have contributed to these properties financially and completed the deals on these houses. He then takes all the cash quietly from the sales and purchases homes for our unmarried daughters without my knowledge. We are living separately at the moment, he with our daughters and I am alone. We also live in different cities. The main reason for this query is that it really hurts me that he says I lost my father due to my ghuna’s. I’ve looked after his mother the best I could but she never appreciated it and told my husband I never did anything for her. Please advise me if his statements are true.

Q: I am married to a man who has already a first wife and children I am his second wife. I am very upset. I married him but my parents don't know About the marriage and his parents either don't know but his wife does. About our marriage, he lives with her I always fight with him over one thing I told him why don't you meet me more and for long time why always for few hours every 2 weeks because he lives three and a half hours far from where I live he doesn't text me in front of her, he doesn't call me in front of her but he does all this when he is with me. I feel hurt with this behaviour. I told him you are not treating me well and fair. All he has to tell me that he will be fair with me once I come live with him but my parents do not know about our nikah. So I told him you have to wait but you have to treat me fair in eyes of Allah. I am your wife. Please help me.

Q: Please may I request your assistance in three questions that I have bases on my scenario? I am a 48 years old revert to Islam. With my initial acceptance of Islam I was overwhelmed with the beauty of this dean of Allah. I accepted it with full heart soul and immediately adopted a life of only Islam and the way of life of our beloved Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) of almighty Allah. At that point, 12 years back, I was a very popular figure in our community, I had a very successful business, and I enjoyed love, respect and support from my family and lived a comfortable life in a fairly large house. I still remember that the only thing missing in my life was a humble, pious and obedient wife. Needless to say that is a very difficult gift to obtain. Since embracing Islam and changing my views on how to do business and how to please my Allah I have lost almost all my family, I don’t have any friends, and because of a partnership dispute I now have no business and live I a small home, but Alhamdulillah I am content with what Allah has given me. I am married with one daughter of 6 years but I am very unhappy in my life. I feel that Allah has put me through so many tests that my Mufti here once told me I am a sabr champion (on alight note). I just can’t find common ground with my wife to build a good relationship with her and I know she is not happy with our nikaah at the moment. I can’t see talaaq as an option as I love my wife and daughter very much and can’t see myself living without them but at the same time we are not happy and fight all the time. I have tried many options and sacrifices but nothing seems to help. My 3 questions are as follows:

1. Is it permissible to ask Allah in dua to take your life as you feel you can’t carry on living in unhappiness and not having the ability to make your spouse happy?

2. Is it permissible to take your own life in fear that you might run out of sabr and lose your Imaan?

3. Is it permissible to go in Jihad not just for the pleasure of Allah but also hoping to lose your life because of your unhappiness?

Q: I'm a 19 year old from Pakistan. Two years ago I started to wear the hijab and the burqa. My mother passed away when I was 9 and so I look up to my aunt for all the girly stuff. Everyone admired me when I started wearing the head cover and the burqa except my aunt. According to her I'm overdoing it; she gave me her example that she wears the hijab and burqa when shes driving alone, but she doesn't wear it when she is out with her husband ( her husband does not like hijab at all) she does not even wear the head cover in public gatherings or parties where the place is filled with non-mahrams. According to her, this is neutral and the way it is supposed to be. I wear hijab anywhere I go and do not take it off no matter what and she knows that too. She claims that I wear hijab just for looking cool. Wallahi I wear hijab for the sake of Allah and to please my Lord. And then she asks me to wear hijab in some other ' appealing style ' which requires me to raise the backside of my head and to reveal my forehead. My aunt used to wear burqa and hijab when she used to work. I also want to practise the niqab because I don't like the way how men eat up a woman by their stares and they do not spare a woman whose in hijab and burqa. But she says that I'm not religious enough to practise it. My other aunty calls me a 'laloo kheti' ( a term used in urdu to define a person who belongs from the lower class). I am really heart broken. My confidence is shaken. Why do people say stuff to me like that. I wear hijab the way it is supposed to be. It covers the bossom. And it covers my forehead as well. Please help me. And she also claims that I don't want you two sisters to have such an appalling difference (my sister who is 13 doesn't cover her head and hardly carries a duppatta and prefers to untie her hair every time) my aunt likes the way how my sister carries herself and she says that I look outdated in front of her and that shouldn't be the way. Please help me sir.

Q:

1. A girl is unable to love her father because he hurts her feelings, will she be accountable for not loving him?

2. After marriage girl should give importance for her parents or husband's parents?

3. A girl is happy in her husband's house because her in laws treats her well than her own parents. So naturally girl starts loving her in laws more than her parents will she be accountable before Allah for not giving so much of love for own parents? Please note that this girl had to suffer emotionally while she was at her parent's home due to some of the behaviour of her parents.

4. Will we be accountable in the court of Allah if we have little hatred for someone because that person used to hurt our feelings through his/her words or behaviour?

Q: I have completed my graduation. Now I am preparing for the police job for our Muslim Jamaat. How can I prepare myself for helping others?

Q: I'm living in my parents house with my brother who is on drugs. He keeps on stealing my stuff even after I speak so nicely with him. This is going on for years. He frustrated me and my wife and my wife is really putting pressure on me because of it. She even threatens to divorce me. I do confront him in a respectable way. Will it be the right thing to fight and hit him? My wife says I'm too soft and probably wants me to bash him. Will hitting him do justice according Islam? Please advise me.

Q: I am very ashamed because I did a big mistake. I want to ask about that. One day I went to a party and I drunk too much then I came back to my home and I slept at midnight. I woke up and I saw my step sister sleeping and I touched her parts and she woke up. She told my step mom and my father and then through me out from the home. I am not understanding what to do now. I was drunk that's why this happened. They through me out its ok, but sir one thing is hitting my heart one by one I felt like my life has stopped. Please tell me what to do? How can I manage my life and what should I do? I am very sad.