Premarital relationships

Q: I am a mother to a 21 year old daughter who is a chef by profession and works away from home. She has met a gentleman who is older than her (she is 21) he is in his 30's. He is from the Christian faith (coloured) and wants to marry her with intention of converting to Islam. They have being dating now for a year. He appears to be respectful, and mature and is apparently the owner of an electrical business, however they both work together at the same resort.

She has introduced him to some Islamic ways already and has offered him an English/Arabic Quraan to learn more about Islam. Not much has being discussed with me as her mother, but I fear that they are living together and making their own plans.

I raised this girl by myself as her dad passed away when she was 6 years old. When she was 10 I remarried and had a second daughter, but she was part of all of this. She grew up being very shy and too scared to do things on her own. Mum had to be always there to help.

I am not happy with this relationship. I am not sure if he is being honest. He has offered her his credit card to use at liberty, his car to drive at liberty (BMW), and takes her to a building site where he apparently is building a house for her and his mum. She is currently allowed to help with all the building decisions.

I did not raise my child with no values and beliefs. I am saddened by her choice. She believes that this is her soul mate. Please advice me as to what route to take and how to manage the situation.

Q: I am a Palestinian woman, 20 years old now in USA, my family is back in Palestine. Desperate for marriage I went on a Muslim matrimonial website and found a Pakistani man to be my husband. I have met his family and spent much time with his family. Due to our tradition though, he says he cannot marry me and will not marry me until he and his parents meet my parents. There really is not a way to make that happen at least for years. What do I do? What are the options for us? We are engaged, will I have to repent to Allah if this does not work out? I am so lost and alone please help.

Q: I've been in a relationship with someone for the past five years, the reason we didn't get married earlier was because my mother dissaproved. After a while I lost interest in the young man. Then I met someone new, I love this new person alot, but we had a had some issues and we broke up for a while about four months, so the first guy who had been in the picture earlier asked me if he could marry me so I said okay he could, but a month later the second guy returned back into my life and my heart preferd to be with him, but the other person had already introduced himself to my family.

1. What is the penalty for calling off the engagement with him so I could marry the one my heart is inclined towards?

2. What is the penalty for running away and getting married without my guardians consent, cause I can't tell them about the second person, cause he's not from the same race as I am.

I'd read a question were the answer was that it was shameful to do so, is it just shameful or is there a penalty for doing so with Allah Ta'ala. 

Q: I like one girl and she also likes me but due to family situations we cannot marry now or do nikaah in public but to avoid gunnah of zina we want to do nikaah and when the time is right we will marry insha Allah. Is there any way in shariat that before we meet each other alone in any place before that, can we do nikaah by our own without qazi and witnesses? Can we do nikaah on our own?

Q: I want to marry a boy whom I love and he wants to marry me too but the problem is that his parents do not agree. It feels like they have someone else from their family in mind. We are both helpless Is there anything that we can read to get married?

Q: There is a man who is interested in me and we have been seeing each other which we are aware is very wrong. We are eager to make nikah. I am stable in my career but he is younger than me and is just starting out. We have had a meeting with both our parents. His mother is only willing to accept the marriage after he has completed two years of study which he hasn't even started. My father is happy for us to make nikah but says we should not have contact for the two years.

My first question is, would it be permissible for us to make nikah without our families knowing? They are agreeing to the marriage just not at this point in time. My concern about this is that we know we will not be able to stay away from each other and cannot continue in this relationship for another two years.

The second question is, would it be permissible for a nikah to be performed again after the two years? We do not want to continue doing wrong or be deceitful but we've made istikhara which was positive for us both. We care for each other very much and also don't want to hurt our parents.

Q: I am a Muslim girl but not a good Muslim. I started chatting to a hindu boy. Now we love each other but today I am ashamed of my deeds. I started wearing purdah and praying five times a day. I made dua and apologized to Allah from my heart. Now the hindu boy is in love with me. but I cant leave Islam. What should I do now? He is not embracing Islam. Should I stop talking and chatting to him ven if he gets hurt?

Q: I am 19 years old and I got nikaah with a family friend. It was arranged. We both are married islamically but don't plan on getting a "rukhsati" or living together for the next 3-4 years until I finish my university. So nothings really changed for me, I still live with my family and he lives with his but we're married islamically. However, I regret my decision. We don't really click and I am not happy with him. I regret my decision a lot. I feel like I'm too young and I barely know myself. I want to find myself and just be a normal 19 year old girl going to university. I brought up divorce to my parents and they aren't taking it well at all. They are threatening me and abusing me for even thinking about disgracing them like that. I don't know what to do. should I go through with it and be unhappy for the reason of my life? or should I take a stand and risk getting disowned?

Q: I am 24 years old and by birth a non Muslim but had relations with a Muslim boy for over 5 1/2 years. We have been planning to get married after my convertion. I believe in Allah. For these 5 1/2 years l lived like a Muslim girl. I know that both my parents will not accept us easily but I thought that his parents would support me more than mine. I tried alot. He told me to take a loan and join for the msc and in 2 years time we would get married. I listened to him and completed my msc. He promised to marry me. I did things with him because he told me that we will make everything halal after getting married. I gave him everything but I am still a virgin. Few months ago, his parents found about us and they changed him. He got married to another girl and started to a new life. He forgot about everything. He hides from me and his friends. Allah also supported and saved him. I prayed alot but Allah didnt hear my prayer. Perhaps it is because I was born a non Muslim girl. I believe and pray alot to Allah. I told his parents that I believe in Allah Amd I like to live like a Muslim girl. I asked them to please give me a chance to be a good Muslim girl. But they did not accept. Allah did not answer my duas. This boy dropped me at the last second and he told "What I did will not gave you a child so forget what happened between us and live your life with someone else. My mother does not accept you and I cant disobey my mother." I know that a mother is a great gift of Allah and Allah told us not to make your mother sad. I can also give birth to a child then I will become a mother. Why does he not think about that. He did also made a mistake and cheated on me. Why Allah is not punishing him? He used me and me and left me. I am so heart broken and feel betrayed because he used me so much. I have been crying and praying to Allah. I begged every one to please help me to become a good Muslim girl but nobody helped me. At last I'm having thoughts of committing suicide. I know that it is harram in Islam. But I dont have any athor option. He touched my body with the promise that he will marry me. I told him that its was bad thing and we are not married. I am still a virgin but my body is also important to me. I lost everything but he gets a good life. Now l prayed to Allah to take my life back. I dont want to live. If I live, I dont want to be cheated by another boy. If I tell this thing to anyone then nobody will want to marry me. What must I do?

Q: I am a girl and I have a best friend who is a guy. It’s been a few days since I started practicing Islam. I told him to do the same. He did. Now I came to know that the interaction with non-mahrams should be avoided. I tried to convince him. But I am afraid that he is new on this path and may go the wrong way if I leave him alone in the beginning. I can’t abandon him because he may move to the wrong way. I can’t stay because it is prohibited. Please tell me what should I do.