Q: Main ap ko ab apna pura masla battata hun. Aj sae 6 months phalae meraee walda kee death ho gayee thee. Meraee walda kee last year chuklaee kee hadee toot gayee thee, uss kaee bad wo bed paee aya gayee theine, unn ko dill ka meraze bhaee tha aur depression kee patient bhaee thinee. unhow nae zingee main dilchaspee lanee chorr dee huae thee aur wo khanna khanee main bhaee interest nahee latinee thaine. jab unn kee chuklaee kee haddae break huae tu main nae aur maree walad sahab naee unn kee har tarah sae care kee. lekin bazee dafa hamee unn sae sekhtaee karnee partee thee kyun kae unn ka khuch bhee karne par dill nahee karta tha. 23 may 2013 ko un tezz bukhar hua, main nae unn ko medicine bhae dee aur injection bhaee lagya aur thandaee pani kee patyiane bhaee khanee, lekin bukhar nahee utra, main samjah kae ordinary temperature hae uttar jayee ga, lekin wo na utra aur 300 pm par walda ka achannak sanns ukhar gaya lekin mujhay uss waqat bhaee samjh nahee ayaee kae unn ko heart attach
hua hae, main yeh hee samjhta raha kae unn kee yeh halat bukhar kee waja sae hae aur wo jald theek ho jayinee gee, lekin assa khuch na hua. ham forighen unn ko hospital lae gayaee. wahan unn ka treetment shru hua, main uss waqat bhaee yeh samjhta raha ke walda theek ho jayinee gee, phir doctor nae mujhae bulya aur kaha kae ap dua karin ka ap kee walda batch jayinee lekin wo nahee batchanee gee unn kae batchnaee ka koe chance nahee, main nae junnu hee yeh sunna ronna shru kae dia aur merae dil main yeh khayalat anee shru ho gayaee kae theek hae amee aj hee fuat hoo jayinee, yeh gam jo main nae kal dekhna hae aj dekh leta, mujhaee ussee waqat yeh khayal bhaee aya amee ko bhut takleef thee unn ko isss sae nijatt mil gayaee hae, uss waqat mujhay yeh khyal bhaee aya kae main nae tu unn kee bhut khaidmat kee hae baqee allah kee marzee, ussee waqat mujhay yeh bhaee khyal aya kae meree zamindaree khatam ho gayee hae ab main apnee baqee kam karon ga jaisae main phd kar raha tha lekin walda kee tabiat kharab honaee kee waja sae main nae ussae chorr dia tha. main uss waqat roo bhaee raha tha aur maree andar yeh bhaee feeling thainee kae yeh theek hoo gya hae, phir main bhar aa kae beth gaya, meraee dil kee halat uss waqat ajeeb see thee, main khuch bae hisse ho gaya tha aur meraee
feeling khuch iss tarah kee thee kae main yeh chha raha tha kae walda fuat hoo jayinee kyun kae wo jitnee bemar hain woo bilkuk hill jul nahee payinee gee. phir doctor nae mujhaee bulya aur kaha kae ap kee walda kee death hoo gayee hae joo kae main chha raha tha.. merree yeh kaffeyat uss waqt tak rahee jab tak main nae walda ko dafna nahee dia. walda ko dafnanee kae forighn bad mujhae assa laga kae merea bhut bara nuqsan hoo gaya hae, aur mujhaee laga jassae main khossh main aya gayya hun, uss kae bad mujhay apna ap itnna ghatia laga kae mujhaee apnee walda kae liaee assae khaylat kassee aa gayae jiss kae liaee main jan bhaee qurban kar sakta hun. mujhay yeh khayalat har waqat ahhasas gunnah ka ahhas delataee rehatain hain, mujhay yaqeen nahee ata kae yeh khaylat mujhay kasse aa saktae hain apnee walada kae baree main. kissi waqat mujhaee itna ahassas gunnah hota hae kae mera dil karta hae kae main khudkussi kar lun, mujhay assae lagta hae kae mujhay allah talh aur walda muaf nahee karine gaye, inn khayalat kee waja sae main shadeed depression main chala gaya hun. mera koe kam karnee paar dil nahee karta , meraee dil par bhut bhoj hae kissae waqat mujhay yeh khayalat intnae ziada attae hain kae mujhay assa lagta hae jaissae mera demag phat jaye ga aur merea dil phat jayae ga, mufti sahab kindly mujhay batiene main kya karon, mujhay har waqat walada yad attee rehtee hain, ek second kae liae mera demag unn kee yad sae khallee nahee hota, jis din wo fuat huaee theinee uss din ka e khyalat har waqat mereae demag main attae rehataine hain. meraee andar bhut zizda ahhass gunnha aur shimindagee hae, mufti sahab mujhay guide karein kae main kya karon main kassae inn khaylat sae chhutkara hassl karon, main bhut mushkal main hun iss waja sae mera koe kam karnee par dil nahee karta, mujhay assa lagta hae allah talah mujhay sazza dain rahee hain. mufti sahab mujahe guide karine main kya karon kae allah talah mujhae muaf kar dain aur maree walda bhae, please maree mail ka zaroor jawab digiaee ga main ap ka bhut shukkar guzar hun ga. main ap kae reply ka intazzar karon ga.
