Advice

Being bashful and shy

Q: I have got 2 questions.

1. I want my height to be 6ft or 6ft 1inch but my height for the past two years is the same 5/7 and I am 17 years old. Please send me any wazifa for increasing my height.

2. Now this is a very serious issue for me. I am a grade 10 student and I am very very shy. When we discuss in our English lessons I don't participate and if the teacher asks me about my opinion, I sweat and blush and go red and my mind goes blank and then I mess up. Every time this happens. I can't ask a teacher a question. I can't confidently talk to a teacher or express myself. Now I emailed my question last time and they said that its good that you arr shy and didn't give me a clear answer and I don't want to be confident because of girls. I don't talk to any girls but even with boys I can't do anything confidently and often my teachers tell me to get rid of shyness. I hope you understand. Please send me any wazifa regarding this shyness issue.

Consulting one's parents with regards to nikaah

Q: My family want me to get married and there is a guy that I want to get married to and he wants to marry me. However , I am Indian and he is Bengali and I know in Islam parents are not allowed to say no based on culture. He told his family about me and his mum didn't accept because she is afraid we would not work out. I prayed Salaatul Istikharah and I was wondering if I should tell my family about him. Or by his mum saying no to me is that my answer and just move on?

Istikhara

Q: My question is regarding istekhara. I did Istekhara with the help of Qur'an in that I receive a translation (And I bestowed upon you love from Me that you would be brought up under My eye.) {tanslation of sorah taha end lines of ayat 38-39}. This istikhara is for separation from my husband because of some issue. So I just want to know what Allah Ta'ala said in that is this right for me to get separate or not? Kindly respond to me as soon as possible as I am very tensed.

Marital problems

Q: My husband and I have been married for 4 years alhamdulilah and we have a beautiful daughter. He came from a foreign country right before we got married. Now we have been living with my family since marriage. We fight over the smallest things and I always some how get stuck fighting between my family and him. Our mothers have prior problems (even though we have an arranged marriage) and it causes major issues between us. We both are very stubborn but I seem to be the only one giving in all the time and I always tell him it's shaytaan causing problems but he ignores it and says I am the reason for the fight. At this point I'm really fed up with always fighting and all I do is cry. One of the major reasons we fight is because we don't have our own place and he doesn't want to move out of my parents home. Because of us living here, my brother had to move to his wife parents house because his wife says living in the same house as my husband would make her have to stay in purdah all the time, because of this my brother fights with me because he hates living there but he can't afford living anywhere else. My husband tells me to ignore him, because his wife forces him to fight with us. Another reason is because both of us work and I am paying our bills and other expenses, even paying for our child, while he sends money to his family. If he's the father, isn't it his responsibility? Sometimes when we can't afford something we have to use a credit card, which now started building interest. He always tells me how haraam interest is but he never does anything about it. All he says is i should stop wasting my money, because there is hisaab for every penny. I find this extremely unfair because I don't want to work but I have to and I can't even complete college because of that. And now that I am working, he says I should pay off the credit card bill since I am earning, even though he took part in making that bill. If I bring up the matter of "woman shouldn't work" he says I am right and that I should make my father pay for my things (while he is sending money to his brothers and sisters). If I give money to my mom for babysitting my daughter, he asks why should you pay her, isn't she the grandmother and then he compares it to his own mother watching her grandchildren just because they are her own. If i tell him that we need to settle down before helping others, he says I am heartless and it is a form of charity. I can't argue with him or back up my concerns enough because I don't know how to respond to everything (I'm kind of slow at responses). Allah has the best solutions but something makes me think he is falling back from his imaan. Is their any hadith or can you give a response about how the husband is responsible for his wife and kids before his brother and sisters? I know his father is retired and doesn't have a reliable source of income to support the family but he has another brother who should also take part in helping with his father, but the brother also seems to be living off of us. How can I convince my husband to worry about his wife and kid and get us settled down because if we stay at this pace, we won't ever be able to get our own home or pay off our credit cards.

Premarital relationship

Q: I am in a relationship with a girl who is my relative since the past 7 months and I really love her a lot and have strong plans of getting married to her. We got physical a few times as in kissing and touching but never in intercourse. I even talked to my parents about this but my father doesn't agree due to relationships going wrong between her families. My question is how do I convince my parents on this and will I be considered as disobedient if I go against them and is there any way I can repent for my sins. I am really confused and I want to get married to her in accordance to Islam and can't think of any alternative.

Mentioning one's past to one's spouse

Q: I am doing the aalimah course and have been told in mishkat lesson by the ustadh that when one gets married and between the husband and wife in their past they have been invovled in zina etc that if the husband was in this situation he should mention it to his wife and if this question of zina was asked from the wife to the husband he is allowed that he lies to her but what is the wife supposed to do when the husband has told her of his past of zina?

Guiding one's family

Q: How should a person who belongs to a modern family and has been guided by Allah Ta'ala deal with his family? If the family does not observe pardah, listen to music, watch movies etc. How can this person interact with them so their feelings are not hurt and he is away from haram? Should he openly state that since a certain action is haram he will not allow it or get involved in it or should let this happen while trying to explain them the dangers until eventually they stop themselves?