Advice

Q: I have a few question and worries that has been troubling me for the past few years and I am not able to find a proper answer so far and I am not able to put this in the right order.

My eldest son is a very brilliant student. I have tried my best to provide him with forms of educations including but not limited to religious and modern education. He had been an awardee for many scholarships. After High-school he cleared the NDA (National Defense Academy) examination in air wing, however, he was not able to join it as the call letter came very late due to some political unrest in our state (Manipur, India) at that time. He was really frustrated after this occasion as this was his dream to fly.

Later after a couple of year, he got selected for "bachelor of technology" in a reputed collage (engineering course). Almost all the problem started off from hear.

Though he was given complete education on Islam, he began denouncing the faith. He also stater smoking lots of cannabis and Alcohol in the college. He seems very frustrated all the time during those period. It may also have been due to a girl he used to like back in his teens. He got a little deranged and got the orchidectomy(self performed) saying he would become a woman and that he have felt like a woman trapped in man's body. I withdrew him from the college after this instance and consulted a psychiatrist for any mental disorders. He had been on medication till recently.

He then joined another collage and graduated in economics. He appeared for the UPSC civil services exam (the top most exam in India for intact of personal in the various governmental department) twice but failed to clear the mains on both occasions although he have cleared the preliminary written test both of the times. He now works for and governmental insurance company as an agent manager. He dresses like a woman and is a supporter of the third gender.

Lately he has shifted his view to ward the line of being an atheist or an agnostic. Because of this I have cut all my ties with him and also from the fear of the society. He is opposing "All" religion citing reasons like he has a brain and used it like non other who are blinded by faith. He further complain that there is a lot of plot holes in all the religious scriptures and that they are all fabricated.

Now, My question is, I do not understand why he is turning into this. He was given proper Islamic education from a very young age and he used to practice obligatory prayers when he was a teenager. What mistake did I make in raising him that he opposed the lord? I am loss of what to do. What will be his fate in the afterlife? Did i do the right thing by cutting all ties with him. Please advice any Islamic and legal way that I can adopt and what relation should I maintain with my son at this point in time.

Q: I have been married 6 years and I was living with my in laws as my husband refused to move away, I settled for second best option and that was to build us a place in the yard. Last year we moved into the outbuilding. My husband made a key for his parents because they look after our 5 year old child. His parents and his sister goes in and out of our place and do what they want and take what they want but only when we are in work. Yesterday I had an argument with my husband and they went into our place and took things from the kitchen cupboard and went into the room and went into our cupboards. I told him that I feel they are invading my privacy and taking things without any permission. He then told me that I am ungreatful and selfish and that if I don't like it I am welcome to leave and find myself another place to stay. He gets very angry with me when I mention anything I don't like regarding his family and he will always put me down to defend them. He also told me that I will answer for my selfish ways.

My questions is: Am I wrong to ask his family to respect my privacy and ask permission to go in and take things from our place? And what are the husbands duties towards his wife when it comes to his family?

Q: I want to ask you a very important matter. My husband had a girlfriend before I married him. For about nearly 8 months he was serious with her but accidentally she got pregnant. He said to her about termination but she lied and said yes I did (she's in a different country and she's a proper outgoing christian girl (English girl). When she was 3 months pregnant then my husband left that country (he just went for business and came back to U.K.). After he got back we married and then after 6 years he found out on her Facebook that she was saying that she got a girl from you. Now dilemma is that I am not happy I got married with him from last 12 years mashallah and got alhmdulillah 3 beautiful kids. I am really in a bad condition. We started to fight and argue. He wants that girl which is not on our religioun. She is now 11 years old. Then I told him that we got respect in people and we dont want to let anybody know and I'll adopt her as my child and inshaallah I'll teach her knowledge of Islam and put her in darululum. He said ok and we contacted that women and she said no she dont want her to be a Muslim and she's not interesting in Islam but please see her. I told my husband that I wont let you do that. If she don't want to accept Islam, do the dna test before you contact her. Now I really don't know what to do because I am worried that if he starts to see her then he'll be in contact with her mother. And if he contacts that girl then the problem is that she don't want to accept Islam and it will affect my kids. Mashallah they going to Islamic school.

Q: Is it permissible for males to attend university?

Q: I need help with a certain issue. I got married about 7 months ago. Recently i had this doubt on my husband related to his friend who is a female. To confirm it, i checked his phone in his absence and found messages in which he is flirting with her and telling her how much he loves her! There were even pictures of them together really close and him kissing her cheek! So one day i told him that i dont appreciate his friendship with that girl and that they should stop talking completely. After a big fight, he agreed. The problem is, he doesnt know that i read his messages and that i am aware of what he was doing. So he keeps playing innocent and telling me that i am creating problems in our marriage by assuming things that arent true. He blames me for our relationship issues and keeps telling me that he isnt doing anything wrong and that i am being insecure.

My question to you is, Even though my husband agreed to stop talking to that girl, should i openly tell him that i read his messages behind his back and that i know he is cheating on me? We might get into a bigger fight if he finds out i read his messages and that could damage our relationship maybe even permanently. Im scared he will leave me. But he needs to stop telling me lies about her just being a 'friend' and blaming me for things going wrong in our marriage. I need him to know how serious i was when i asked him to stop talking to that girl. I dont know what the right step to take in this situation is. Its hurting me everyday. Im scared he might lie to me that he stopped talking to her and continue to flirt with her behind my back if i dont confront him.

Q: Is it right for a person to blame another person for the illness and an Aamil has said that he has done so and so to you. Explain briefly.

Q: I like a person from my paternal family and I want to marry him. He is the son of my father's own sister. My parents are dead against this and they don't want to let this happen at any cost. They dislike the boy's family very much and also they are taking up illegal (black magic) activities to break this relation and get me back. Please suggest how to convince them or what to do?

Q: Talaq... Been married to my husband for a year and a half was arranged and love marriage. First couple of months were good then started having arguments. I knew before marriage he smoked weed but he said he would give up after marriage and not smoke it anymore, he lied he always did. Last couple of months of months found out he also drinks alcohol been over a year i never knew before marriage. Since last month he has demanded a divorce saying how the marriage life is not for him he wants the single chilling life. He always disrespects me and has hit me once or twice but for sake of Allah i have always forgiven him, given him countless chances but after hearing the word divorce from his mouth that is when I realized he doesn't deserve me at all or another chance. He has even said he will never stop smoking or drinking and i have waited over a year and done my best to help him change but all my efforts have gone to waste! I have come to my parents house and after couple of months of days he texted me saying he wants a divorce about 2 times and then swore at me. It has been 2 weeks now and i have made a decision to divorce him as i feel it is the best decision for me as i really want a husband on the deen. But our parents are making it hard especially his trying to keep us together and blaming me for everything that has happened and saying how people will talk if we divorced. But we are here to please Allah and not people. Nearly everyday I hear my husband telling me how he wants to be single or find another woman and in anger i ask.why did u marry me if u wanted to be single and chill out ?! He flirts with girls on social media and has no respect for me whatsoever. I feel like his love for me has been fake all this time and i feel betrayed and hurt by him. I feel he will never change even ppl who know him say that to as he has been this way for many years but his parents did not tell me the full truth about him before marriage. His mum said he is home 10pm every night when really he goes out at that times and comes home at half 12 or 1am! please help.

Q: I have listened to most of your lectures but my iman is still on and off. Is there any thing else I can do to help.

Q: I see a woman visiting my father everyday behind everyones back. Im not sure if he married this lady without my mother knowing. And I dont know if she will want to stay with him after this. Do I confront my father or tell my mother? If they dont stay together after I tell them this then is it my fault that they get divorced or must I just overlook all of this.