Advice

Q: There is a small darul uloom here in Johannesburg. They are planning an "outing" for the ustads and students. They will hire a bus and be travelling to the kruger park. Leaving on Friday and returning on Sunday. Is this ok? Is it not copying the kuffar, they call it excursion. Is there such a thing that the students need an "outing". In summer they arranged for the students and ustads to go to the public swimming pool and gave them take away pizzas and cold drink thereafter. My husband is at this Madrassah. Please advice me if all this is correct and what advice can I give my husband.

Q: I am sending you a problem of my friend. In her first marriage she was very happy with the person whom she loved, he was flirtatious by nature but made her happy by all means but divorced her after two years as he got good opportunity of re marriage on the basis of that she did not bleed first night. She was heart broken and married again, born 2 kids, but her husband is physically, sexually and financially weak by all means and now life has become hell for her and she has no way out. What does Islam says if a woman gets no satisfaction, happiness and finances from her husband? She can't get divorce second time as this is taboo in society. Please don't be harsh and give her a reasonable solution which will bring happiness in her life.

Q: My father was abused when he was younger, so he in turn abused my mother (mentally, financially) and he did so to me as well as I am the eldest of 3 girls.  He has bad character and when he shows some goodness, it turns sour. As I grew older I looked deeper into it and I saw that his character shows signs of a narcissism and then about 3 years ago I started looking at myself and questioning my character and I too realized I am also a narcissist.  I read that a persons character is partially from the DNA and mostly from your upbringing environment.  On the one hand my dad was harsh and cruel and on the other hand my mom was too soft and pitied me and she made me so weak and at times I remember her being cruel with me as well which I understand as she was taking her frustrations out on me of her suffering and unhappiness with my dad.  My whole existence is confusing because the one moment I do a good deed and I feel in my heart that I have good character and kindness like my mom but then the evil side creep in then I get bad thoughts and intentions. I am sick. I hate myself because I hurt my husband and children. I didn't had to get married and have children because I hurt them and they do not need this, I did not know this at the time. Alhamdulilah my husband is a good person, a good son and son in law and a good friend and husband. My children alhamdulilah are both healthy and beautiful mashaAllah but I am ungrateful. Please help, I don't want to hurt them. Here are a few of my bad characteristics: (Selfish,Socially inept, antisocial, Suspicious,Sneaky, dishonest, Weak, Moody, bipolar, Judgemental, Proud, Jealous, envious, Ego, Defensive, hard headed, quick to get angry,Devoid of love and empathy, Evil thoughts,Despise people, hate, Depressed, Regret, Nostalgic.)

I don't want to have bad character, but how do I rid it if its me?  I want to love my family, husband and children but I feel so angry and irritated when I look at them. I want to love them and feel empathy when they hurting but I hate it when they share their feelings of pain with me, its like I cant tolerate it and I don't want this feeling, I want to love them. I hurt my husband and children before by hitting them and abusing them when I got angry or felt selfish.  I get evil ugly thoughts which I also don't want.

Q: I am eighteen years old. Physically I am a proper male but mentally and emotionally I never feel like males. I am always attracted towards males and I have interest in them. I think that I am a female in male appearance. Please sir help me to get rid of this and kindly tell me any "Tasbih". This problem is since my childhood but then I didn't know about it?