Talaaq

Q: I was married for 19 years and having problems. I decided to take a second wife but was not happy about divorcin the first wife. My second wife made it condition if she marries me I must divorce the first wife. Her family put a lot of pressure on divorce. I got married to her and divorced the first wife after one week. I have four children. After being married for approximatly for 3 weeks i highly regret divorcin my first wife and consequently have lost all feelings for the second wife. I have no desire of stayin married. My second wife also has 3 children. I issued one irrevocable talaq to my first wife. I desperately need your urgent advice.

Q: I have a serious problem with waswasa about talaq. this has turned into a mental problem like obsesive compulsive disorder where these thoughts keep playing in my mind and sometimes I think I say it on my own in my mind. I have no control over it.  Numerous muftis have told me that talaq has to be verbal for it to be valid. After getting fatwas from muftis then I get these thoughts that maybe the mufti did not understand or did not hear the question correctly etc and I go into a state of depression. This is really affecting me. Whether I'm doing good or bad I get these thoughts. I am in constant fear of talaq. Its like almost always playing in my head.  My question is (1) as I said this has become a mental problem and because of this I sometimes say things in my MIND ONLY  which may not be waswasa but because of this mental problem that I have developed  like egs: if I'm on the internet I say in my mind  "if I click on a certain link its  talaq". Then I just ignore what I said in my mind and click on the link and carry on with whatever I'm doing. Does any talaq take place like this? I was told by other muftis that no talaq takes place. Please advice. This waswasa is really affecting me. I love my wife a lot. May Allah bless our marriage ameen.

Q: A friend of mine says that her husband gave her the control of one talaaq. What does this mean? And does it make any sense?

Q: Every time I have an argument with my wife I get frustrated and I ask her “what do you want to do now” because I want to know what is the next step in fixing our situation.  Does this count? If I tell my wife in anger “I will divorce” and in frustration I say “You know in English it counts if I say it” but I never attributed divorce to her, I was frustrated with the whole argument and got carried away.  If I start learning fiqh and I tell my wife “she is saying we are divorced”, will this count because I did not want to issue it, I thought we were and later on I found out we were not.  In the same week I was frustrated and stressed out that I said in anger, until we find out about our situation we have to sleep in different rooms because it is harem for us but I did not say you are harem for me, I wanted to be on safe side, which is why I said it.  Will this count? If I blame her for making me say such implicit statements in the past in anger but I had no intention of divorcing her, does this count? Finally, if I tell my wife, that you are not considered to be a wife because you don’t clearly listen to what I am saying, does this count because, once again, my intention was not to divorce her but to degrade her for not paying attention to what I’m saying.  Nonetheless, if husband says to his wife that “You are not my wife”, is intention required?  Also, if I tell my wife I will not be involved in this marriage anymore because I am getting hopeless in waiting for better times, does this count and at the same time I say that child in your stomach is not mine but my intention was not to deny the fact that I had intercourse with her and a child came about, does this count? Waswasa- If a person is affected with waswasa and has problems remembering his intention, are his statements considered? Nikah- Can I re-perform nikah with my wife with certain conditions, such as witnesses must be required for divorce to take place and simply uttering an explicit and implicit statement without without witnesses is void? Also, can I also state in my nikah that a court ruling must be required to judge the case? 

Q: If somebody's husband is impotent then is it permissible to ask for khula? Is impotency a valid reason to ask for khula?

Q: What is the ruling regarding divorced parents and the custody of children? Two prominent muftis have said that although the children are 7 and 9 years old, yet they do not go to the father as the father is not capable of caring for children. It will not be forced upon the mother to let go of the children and also the fact that this is not a muslim country so the mother will not be forced to. However, when the children reach puberty, then they are given the choice to choose where they want to go. Is this true?

Q: I had 3 children from a previous marriage. I thereafter got married as a 2nd wife. My children went to their father for the holidays and now when it is time for them to come back, their father refuses to send them. He says they will live with him now and that shariah is on his side because I got married to another man. I am so distraught I don't know what to do. I love my children and I don't want to lose them. Please tell me what my rights are. Jazakallah