Q: I married a women who had become Muslim from Hinduism some months earlier. She knew I was married Islamically to another person and knew the family. People doubted her sincerity as a Muslim but I gave her the benefit of doubt. Soon after she became Muslim we started having problems. We agreed that she would not disclose the marriage to anyone as it may create problems, from her Hindu family and my side. During one of our many arguments after she was shouting abuse, I said 'I do not want anything to do with you - it is finished' Is this a divorce ? After a week we made up. Then we had another bust up, in a park after she started shouting abusive things about my wife - I was fed up and said 'I do not want anything to do with you and said something like I divorce you.' She went hysterical and started shouting abuse in front of people in the park. A day or so later, I was driving with her in the car, and did not speak as I was listening to the radio. I thought it would be better to stay quiet to avoid arguing. She proceeded to take some pills and as I reached my destination, she said I have taken these pills and you will now suffer. It was to attract attention, and I said I am going home to see my family and kids, to which she started swearing filthy words and other abuse. At that time I said I do not want anything to do with her and wanted to finish. That same day she had passed the Nikah details to her sister who confronted my first wife who was distraught. Two days later she visited my wife and told her secrets of the private love life and my wife was distressed. I suspected this was an attempt to get my first wife to leave me, which she did not. Then during Ramadhaan she went back to India to her Hindu family - which given that this was to be her first Ramadhaan was a surprise. During communications, I wrote 'every door has been shut'. I even wrote to one of her texts 'look we finished Islamically so many times. You destroyed that finally.' A few days later we began texting in a less confrontational way as there are feelings of much warmth despite the issues . She texted 'Am I still your wife' She went on to write 'According to me you are my husband'. I wrote back 'If that is what you believe that is good...but it is very complex....is there 1 divorce, 2 or 3...if it is 3 its over ...if its 2 its not...2 means final chance....it is that important we make it right.' I went on to write ...'it may mean going to mufti..'
Taking away the fact that there are bound to be jealousies, and agendas, and suspicions about the motive of becoming a Muslim and marrying me. At the end of the day there is love and whatever she has done has been I believe out of uncontrollable love. I feel obligated to help her and care for her because of her commitment, but then I do see that nasty angry side which has led me to react the way I did over time. Is the marriage still in tact?
