Rights of parents

Q: My parents are no more. During my mother’s lifetime, due to various reasons, I was sometimes harsh with her. I used to shout at her and speak rudely, and unfortunately I could not ask for her forgiveness while she was alive. 

However, during the final stage of her life, around two hours before her death, she became very ill and I took care of her sincerely. At that time, she gave me many duas. But throughout my life before that, I regret that I was often rude to her. 

Whenever I pray Salah, I constantly ask Allah for forgiveness for the way I behaved with my mother. Even after her death, I once saw her in a dream. In the dream, I was saying to her, “Please forgive me, Mom. If you do not forgive me, Allah may also not forgive me.” She did not say anything and was only looking at me. 

Please guide me on how I can seek forgiveness properly and how a person can know if Allah has forgiven them for such a sin.

Q: We are 4 children (2 daughters and 2 sons). My father passed away a few months ago. Who is responsible for taking care of and for the financial needs of my mother?

Q: What are the responsibilities of a daughter, who is an only child, towards her mother, who is a single parent? 

Do any of these responsibilities change upon the daughter getting married? 

What are the rights that her mother has over her?

Q: I have a question regarding milk parents. 

I was conceived by my biological parents with the intention of being adopted by my aunty (fathers sister) as she hadn’t had any children with her husband for 11 years. 

When I was born, I was adopted and grew up in another city with my (new) milk parents. From small I was told about my adoption so it wasn’t something shocking to me. 

I grew up knowing my siblings and visiting my biological parents often, but my milk parents were like my real/main parents and my biological were like my aunty and uncle. 

Now that I’m older and married and my siblings are also older and married and I’m staying in the town I grew up with my biological parents. I hadn’t been there as much and made the khidmat owed to my biological parents. 

My biological parents said multiple times that I should treat my milk parents as my real ones and that they (the biological ones) hold no haq over me. I asked my shaikh what to do and he says that shariah is above everything and that their words or emotions don’t govern what the actual rights to them are. 

So my question is who holds more right over me, the milk parents who raised me or the biological parents who bore me? 

When it comes to khidmat or instruction, who holds more weight? 

And lastly, if they excuse me from khidmat what does it mean?

Q: My mom divorced 15 years ago. My dad died 10 years ago but after his death since we were kids, mom decided to come and stay with us. She doesn't share any inheritance saying it's her right and her property and the rent which came from the property she favours the eldest brother and doesn't give us any of the part for 9 years. 

Now I am married and she's demanding me to take care of her monthly allowance which I simply denied because I am living separately and said that for 9 years you didn't give me my money that we got from tenants neither the share of the inheritance so why would I give you the allowance. Is it allowed for me to deny the request based on that or should I give her the allowance which I know will be given to my eldest brother who's 28 and physically good enough to earn by his own but he doesn't since he's spoiled by my mother and doesn't will to work or contribute to the house at all?

Q: My children's father is addicted to drugs. 

I do not feel comfortable with them spending time in his company & I'm advising them to help him with food only if he gets sick as I feel they are enabling his habit. He manipulates them to feel sympathy for him & uses them for money, transport, food etc. Am I incorrect for doing this?

Q: I left my home due to toxic and unjust family matters that were affecting me and my wife emotionally and mentally. I rented a home not too near not too far from my parents, and everyday I go to my parents house to do any work they want, as my father is a paralysis patient. Everyday I give him a massage and bath him and simultaneously listen to hurtful comments and smile and not reply so the atmosphere don't get more tense. Am I doing right or wrong and will any curse of my parents for me to Allah affect me?

Q: I live with my mother who is mentally and physically abusive to me and my siblings. Last year, she broke my nose, she has called me ugly and stupid and worthless my whole life. She pushes me to do things that are detrimental to my mental health - like marrying someone 11 years older or getting into med school. 

I want to leave my household and make a life for myself so that I don’t constantly feel suicidal and can do some good in this world. But in order to leave, I must apply to programs that I do not have the qualifications for - there is a program that requires me to have one year work experience and I only have 6 months. 

Even though I do not want to lie, I was wondering if it might be permissible for me to do so in this situation just to help my chances of getting out my house?